Help with attitude please

[grammad97]

Hi all. I don't know if this is where I need to address my dilemma so please bear with me and let me know if it's not appropriate for this area...
I have several relatives with various autoimmune health issues.
One in particular is constantly complaining of health and pain problems.
It's always a negative drama filled conversation with them. I have called them out on a few topics but in as nice a way as possible.
I just am dreading future family gatherings because of all the drama and pity seeking from this individual.
I was told "you just don't get it" about their constant negativity whining.
It's come to a place where I don't answer the phone sometimes and with holiday gatherings upon us how can I avoid creating a scene ?
I have tried to tell them I know what they are going through and suggested some positive alternatives to overcome the negative vibe but it's like talking to a wall.
I am open to suggestions....
Thank you as always for allowing me to vent a bit too.

[anabanana]

Hi,
You cannot change others. On another side, they have a right to complain about their own autoimmune health issues, you are not in their shoes, and they are not in yours. You probably do not "get it", as nice and helpful as you try to be about it. Your experience is yours, their experience is theirs. Many people have a tougher time than others in how they manage their emotional state with an illness. Some people have great life circumstances despite their disease, support, money, job, and while that does not take the illness away, I can guarantee that it makes life easier if you have all of the above, rather than not.

Everyone suffers their own pains, discomforts, emotions, so my advice would be if you cannot accept them as they are, keep at distance or keep away. If it helps this person to vent about their illness, they have every right. If you cannot deal with it, then perhaps it is better for both of you to keep your distance

[Scottietottie]

Hi 

Difficult. Have you tried gently suggesting that they concentrate on what they CAN do - rather than what they can't - or suggest they join an internet support group because they can be helpful?

You could just be blunt and say "Look, I'm sorry you are feeling so down but I am dealing with my own issues right now - and can't cope with yours too. " - and see what happens.

Good luck. Take care - Scottie 

[SjoDry]

grammad97,

I would agree with Scottie. Suggest a support group. Have you checked online for a support group in the relative's area. Typically, one can find an A.I. or A.I. specific group. If I found one, I would
send a note & let her know that you hate to clash at family get-together's as that is not fun for anyone to be present for. You could suggest that this group is the appropriate setting for her to vent with others who know exactly how she feels & do understand.

How do others in the family deal with her? If everyone is trying to limit their family involvement because of this one relative, maybe others should join you in speaking with her.

Not fun.
Good Luck.
SjoDry