Accepting my life, without GUILT!

[Carolina]

Dearest Sjogren's Angels,

I was keying a reply to eye2dry, who is leaving her professional life due to Immune Disorders, and going through the grief and sorrow at leaving something she did so well and with such pride and joy.

And I realized that, of course, it is normal to feel that way about 'retirement' whether forced early, or taken in 'due time'.  This sort of change has many emotions to handle.

However, I also have found ANOTHER set of emotions that I have to deal with, even 'years' into my retirement, also taken early due to health issues.  My difficult Immune Disorders didn't really ramp up until after I had retired.

What I have found is the 'difficulty in accepting a slower, quieter pace of life'.  I feel 'guilty and restless' even tho' I'm doing what I must to manage my health AND also doing what I can to learn to accept my life.

I have been so used to cramming a million things into my life, and I still find myself thinking:  but I haven't DONE anything today!

How To Be Sick, by Toni Bernhard, addresses this very clearly.    I want to embrace my quiet way of life, and calm the guilt that shows up to haunt me still.

Hugs,  Elaine

[susanep]

Elaine you never know how you may be helping someone else. That is how I felt when reading this post.

Somehow my mind jumped back to when I was driving long distances back home late at night after night classes to become a teacher. I remember thinking how tired I was, but even though it was into the morning when I got home I still was up to wind down for an hour before going to bed. I drove 1 1/2 hours each way in those days as an older non traditional student.

I think I began college at 39 and went for about 5 years.

On shorter days I would go to their workout gym that was free to students and even play racket ball a couple of times per month. There was the walking around campus.

My autoimmune disorders were not active in those days to any extent compared to now. It made me realize that I had no idea how being able to do that then was such a blessing.

Today it was a big deal to go to the post office, drop by the clinic to pick up script for hubby, and back to feed my fur babies. The two out side places are close to the house too.

After feeding the fur babies I sit and think with cold drink in hand how I at least did something today. lol

It also makes me realize that I could be at an even lower functioning level than I am now, and just wish for these days in comparison. That is surely hard to imagine, but in my earlier days I never would have imagined now.

Thank you for your post.
You also are an angel.

Hugs,
susanep

[susanep]

Elaine, I just got that book "How to Be Sick." I am just starting to read it. I look forward to reading some things that will help.

Thank you for telling us about this book.

susanep