How to give a cat a pill ( funny)

[wednesday mc haggis]

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse/partner from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse/partner to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for glueing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse/partner to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 cola to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse/partner's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10 . Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another cola. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink cola. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply Whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the darn cat from across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of beer. Get spouse/partner to drive you to accident & emergency, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from heck and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air

[gsmraxe]

I love this joke.  Being a little serious, I had to give my one cat a pill for a bit, she scares me when I have to do anything to her.  She's not mean, but she HATES having anything done to her except pets.  I wrapped her pill in a little bit of my Mom's Liverwurst lunchmeat.  You know the Braunchweiger meat pate, my cat loved it and devoured the pill!  Just an FYI in case anyone has to give their cat a pill.   

[Pisces24]

Here is one I kept - Baking Cookies with your Cat
1. Look in cookbook for cookie recipe.
2. Get cup of coffee.
3. Get cat off of cookbook.
4. Find that special recipe.
5. Get cat's nose out of coffee mug.
6. Go to fridge and get eggs.
7. Get dry ingredients from cupboard.
8. Break eggs in small bowl and get cat out of cupboard.
9. Sift dry ingredients in large bowl.
10. Answer the phone. "durn telemarketers!"
11. Cat ate eggs; get more from fridge.
12. Get cat out of flour bowl and dust cat off.
13. Get Band-Aids for scratches on hands.
14. Throw flour out and get more.
15. Preheat oven for cookies.
16. Clean up eggs cat puked up. Cat runs for cover into bathroom.
17. Flour the counter to roll out cookie dough.
18. Big crash in bathroom; run to see what happened.
19. Cat has toilet paper all over floor; stuff spilled and knocked over on top of bathroom counter.
20. Yell at cat. Cat falls in toilet bowl.
21. You can sense cat is angry.
22. Take cat out of toilet to dry cat off.
23. Get bandages to cover more scratches on arms and legs.
24. Cleanup bathroom.
25. Hear a thump in kitchen ... Oh Gosh ... now what?
26. Get cat off floured counter in kitchen and pick up pieces of broken bowl.
27. Try to pick out cat hairs from flour.
28. Step on cat's tail and get bitten.
29. Get coat, car keys, and go to store to buy cookies.

[Patze]

WMH & Pisces, those are so funny!  Y'all had me laughing so much the cat started giving me the evil eye (as I was disturbing his "slumber")!

Thanks for making my day!


Patze

[wednesday mc haggis]

grmraxe  lol i ll keep that tip in mins i have 3 cats lol ty

Pisces lololololololol  !! so true!!  that gave me a right giggle, thanks!!

Patze lololololol  bet the cat is too, i have 3 of them, if i cut cheese and they dont get any theyre huffy all day lololol

T x


   

[Lesleybird]

  I can see that giving a cat a pill is a real pill!!!
 
       My version of this is trying to give my umbrella cockatoo medication from a syringe....she screams and flaps and bites the end of the syringe off. Just gave up as the antibiotic was just a to help to prevent infection when my moluccan cockatoo poked a hole in her beak with his beak. Her beak did grow out and the hole is gone now.  Sjogren's? Sorry, I thought I was on the pet website!

[beverly jane]

 :)Oh my gosh... thank you so very much.... Had a really bad week..... but just laughed my head off reading this..... hubby came out to see what I was laughing at..... I read it to him ..... he laughed just as hard....... funny how laughter helps you sooooo much.... again ty ty ty ty

[harrigan]

T, you seem to be well aquainted with Betty.  She was very sweet as a tiny kitten but we soon learned she should have been called Boudicea!!  I dread the 12 weekly worm tablet and it has taken 3 of us with gloves on and a huge bath towel!  She still wins and coughs back the pill, every time

[gsmraxe]

I have a cat that I'm terrified of having to do ANYTHING to her.  She's a really sweet cat, as long as you're doing exactly what SHE wants.  That's how I came up with the liverwurst trick...  She's 12 now, I've had her for 11 years and I have a very healthy respect for her claws and teeth.     But i do love her.

Now my male cat you could do anything to him...I can even clip his nails and not have to muzzle him, he just sits there and lets me do that.  He's a doll that way.  I can shove stuff down his throat, like liquid or pill medication too.

[fluffiebunnie]

I have never had to give either of my two cats a pill.... I am dreading the day! 

[genko_b]

Sometime I will write a description of how to clean a cat that has jumped in a pan of motor oil, but it is fairly traumatic memory for me and not for the faint of heart to hear. It involved a quart of vegetable oil, two bottles of baby shampoo, two changes of clothes, and several hours, not to mention medical attention afterwards.

I think I would rather give a bat or a pig a bath than a cat.

Genko

[harrigan]

Oh Genko, me too!  Why WOULD a cat jump in the old oil we had just drained into a basin in the yard?  We came home to this thing on the doorstep and took several moments to recognise it as poor Clemmy.  After the terror and trauma (for us!) of bathing her several times that evening in fairy liquid and applying that green gunky stuff that mechanics use, she seemed nearly clean but smelled disgusting.  Then 2 days later she stopped walking.  She was covered in huge sores, and cost us a fortune in the vets that summer getting her right again. 

A bald cat in a bad mood is not a good thing.

[Pisces24]

You know when you get up from a seat 99% of the time the cat will then jump up and lay down on the warm seat.?
Well I have a cat that when I run bath water I have to close the bathroom door.

I didn't do that once and came in to a kitty wandering around in my bathtub making waves with the water. I got sassed quite a bit for putting him out of there too. LOL He doesn't like baths but likes water. Go figure! 
Sorry but I am not to the point where I am sharing baths with my cat. LOL