friendships

[kimbo]

McWednesday,

I just read this thread. I am a little late.

Thankful for so many who said everything you needed to hear.

My prayer is that you find a friend who is a friend.
But you know you have all of us here.

I had to laugh at Janna's description so true. "Vampire"

DON'T NEED THAT. do ya?   

I hope your seeing things clearly and letting go.  Your energy is to valueable to waist.

Hugs and blessings, kimbo 

[wednesday mc haggis]

KYMOM  thnayou , there are new gates found them all right here

Epson  i dont have much in way of family, but i got 2 sons that i couldnt have written, and their hugs heal for that i ll always be blessed.

Kimbo  your prayers are very much appreciated and today when i got up feeling very different, i can say that theyre working


thankyou all so much !! 

No i feel ALOT better today, all down to all the great ppl here posting to me, and im thankful for the support, today i feel great, sure ive did alot for my friend, but time to move on, ive been carrying her baggage and mines, and well my load feels lighter today, actually im quite glad its come to this, for i am drained by her now, and i just aint got the spoons for it anymore, i ll always have time for ppl, but these days thats going to need to be a 2 way street and its taught me to chose more wisely and no give quite so much, till i know it is a 2 way street.

  last night i got a call from my brother joe( my friend)  offering to drive from leeds to here to go to lip biospy with me , blew me away considering its a 4 hour drive, and his wife was on saying were all sending you prayers it goes well and settles the diagnosis once and for all, two ppl whov never  finanically had alot, but had the wealth of love , for all ive ever given them, they have given back to me, but to offer a 4 hour drive to "hold my hand" just melted my heart, and today im going to focus on what i have and not what i dont have, i have your support and love, and i have a few freidns money couldnt buy, and today i feel rich, thankyou all so much, you took away any guilt i had, and after a good nights sleep, i feel so much better, time to drop the vampires and make room for the new, got an email from harrigan today, and that melted me too, to know how many ppl here suffer fatigue and pain , and still have so much compassion blow me away


T x *hugs to all of you*

[Lotus1]

Oh Wednesday what a shame re your friend.  Hopefully she will think things through & realize what a great friend you've been to her.  Sorry you've been so hurt.  Maybe a new friend will come along for you.  I didn't see your post until now, but a lot of people have responded so lovingly to you already which is great.  As you know you know you've got real friends here.  Thinking of you.
Lotus1 xx

[missyb]

Well thank you for posting too, this has been on my mind and it felt good to vent a little and write it down. it's always nice to know you are not alone and reading your story was helpful to me!

[wednesday mc haggis]

lotus thnakyou so much your one of the ppl whove taken the time to help me, and your friendship it valued


missyb..weve helped each other   so glad you feel better too, funny how things seem much less horrible once you get them off your chest!  my email address is on site, you feel free to email me anytime, as any of you are, always good to have someone who understand to share the good and bad times with, we all hold each other up, if we were all rheumy`s instead of SJS sufferers i recon medical care would be SO much improved, but we can help each toher along the journey, good to hear youve been helped by me posting, makes me realise im not alone in that feeling

[harrigan]

Great to hear you are bouncing back T!  (xx) for Friday, let us know how you get on, Ailsa

[lelole]

Hi WMcH,

It's all been said already, but it sounds like you may be better off without the drain this friend is putting on you... If she really is a friend, no matter how angry she was at what you said, she will come back and try to solve it, if not, well...

I'm sorry you have had to go through this, and glad you are feeling a bit more positive about it all, and good luck on Friday!!

Take Care

Leah x

[lynnmarie219]

Hi McHaggis!

Sorry I'm jumping in on this so late, but I also wanted to add my 2 cents for whatever its worth! I'm sorry that you have had to deal with this type of "Friend" and unfortunately I can relate to what you are talking about. I also know people who are all about "Me, Me, Me" and nothing you say can ever top what they are going through. I swear even if I died...they would say they died first and it would be much more dramatic than my story! lol

The main thing I try to remember is that toxic and downright mean and uncaring people have no place in my life...and as long as I can live with my actions and can sleep soundly at night without remorse and regret...that's all I need! Its also important for me to remember that I will make mistakes and sometime say or do things I may not be proud of.....and the important thing is if I can make my amends and forgive myself because after all we are human and will make mistakes....its not always easy but its always my goal.

Lots of hugs to you.....

[wednesday mc haggis]

leah   aww thankyou im sure it will go fine, bit nervous but it ll be fine

lynnemarie   well said ! i dont feel guilty anymore, i dont even feel sad, being honest im glad of the break , as you say i can live with my actions , if i meant that much she would have called , tried to work things out, but sinc ei can no longer mother her , just aint got the spoons for drama, then she is moving on, and i can sleep at night just fine , i think eventually she will come round, when she realises there isnt me to moan to, but i dont want to go back to that, not that i dont want to listen to ppl, far from it, but as you say if we died, thed be worse off still, and not that im looking for sympathy, but some understanding that on bad days, i just dont need to hear ungenuine attention seeking nonsense

T x

[irish]

Wednesday, It sounds like this gal is someone who is a leech and a taker and will drain any of her friends of all their time, energy and possibly money. I think you were lucky to get rid of her. I doubt this has anything to do with your illness.

I, too, have found that there are very few "good friends" out there. You know it when you find one. I have just a couple and they don't live in my area. Otherwise I have a lot of acquaitances who I hardly see any more. In this day and age having a close friend is really difficult---if you have a good neighbor you are really lucky.

Everybody works and our "friends" or people that we invest energy into are the people we work with and after work we are too tired and too busy to be a social butterfly. I have learned to not expect much out of people because I have found that I will end up giving more than I get. Giving is good but not when they are the one with a behavioral problem.

Like Epson said, relatives are usually the ones we are around the most and if you are lucky enough to have a couple close, sane friends who are able to give and take you are lucky. I don't think I am being negative--just been down that road!!!Irish

[wednesday mc haggis]

irish

wise words   no i dont think its negative , i think its realism being honest, a true friend to me is someone you can tell anything to and not be judged, someone who can say the truth to you and say it with love and good intent.

i guess sinc eim an only child, with no cousins and only my mum and sons are blood relative left, i adopt ppl, and treat them like family, i know i  ll always miss my grandmother for she was my best friend, and someone who never judged , just gave me the wealth of her wisdom and endless time, she was 62 wehn i was born, and how she put up with me constantly asking questions at sill hours about UFO`s and unicorns and fairies with complete patience i ll never know, somome one who taught me what dignity and getting the heck on with it was, she came from a very poor large family with both parents drinkers,  she had no shoes in summer, worked fields as a child being paid in vegetables , carried cinders home for the fire, and the only toy she had she made, her father washed make up off her face with a scrubbing brush at 20 years old, calling her a painted street   walker, and the best of all this was it wasnt her who told me all this it was her younger sister, who she raised.

I think she never told me any of this, because she didnt want me to know what that kind of hardship must have been like, protect me from a life she never wanted me to understand, what she taught me was what a lady is, and i ll never replace her.

your right i gave so much to my friend and i dont think its about my illness as much as its about her not being the fussed over one, and she will go where she gets that , if she had half the dignity my grandmother had,  she would be twice the woman she is

T x 

     

[kimbo]

McWednesday,

Thank you  so much for sharing about your grandmother, I soooo enjoyed it. And I am thankful you had such a sweet relationship you invested in. You received so much from her.
I am happy for you!

blessings kimbo

[irish]

Mcw, I wish I could have met your grandmother. She sounds like she was very grand and a lot of fun. We all seem to have some relative who had a hard life but yet endured and came through forged of steel. I had a couple aunts who were really something. One of them was an Irishman(woman) married to a man who came from Ireland when he was a child. She was the matriarch and fed everyone who darkened her door. Such a grand lady she was.

Another one who took care of the whole family after the mother died and also took lots of nieces and nephews under her bosum and saw that they had clothese. These people of courage and giving will be hard to come by in future years---at least I don't think there will be an many of them. We have become a soft world. Too many "things" and so many of us have not suffered the way past generations did. These people can teach us so much. Irish

[wednesday mc haggis]

kimbo   thankyou , quite enjoyed typing it lol

irish... agreed, when will we see their like again eh ?? , my gran was same your aunt  couldnt leave her house without her feeding you lol, never knew a day even when she was i ll for her not to have a large pot of soup on the stove , god i miss her soup and rabbit stews and yorkshire puddings that took up the whole plate

  yup i dont know im born in comparision to these women, and ive not had an entirely cushy life, as you say in future we just wont see many of them around, which is saddening.

  I do know though that she at the end got some of what she gave me back, for my unmarried uncle who never left home , nursed her at home, i went one day off a week as a nursing student to let him get a well earned break, and fed her, toileted her, washe dher, when her pain from breast CA and mets got too much and she was taken into hospice care, i went two evenings a week and nursed her, nurses didnt get a chance to those nights, and id do it all again  just for the chance  to be with her for one day.

Its why i am not close to my mother, my grandmother had about in todays money 6,000 dollars,   her life savings, she kept under her bed in a suitcase , she told my mother it was to bury her , she was very set that state help was charity , sadly her son , my uncle died 4 days after her, likley broken heart, they said massive coronary, but he told me he ddint want to live without her and well he didnt have to.

   my mother in her greed, told the state there was no money for a funeral and they paid both funerals, and she kept he money , something i  shall never really forgive her  for, but whilst im not chrisitan i have the deepest respect for that faith , my gran was a true christian , and always said no good came of having something that wasnt rightfully yours.

well i know that the hand of god works in mysterious ways, for my mother invested that money and my uncles savings, and well each and every investment she made, the money got lost in bad investment !!! she still moans to this day about that, and i sit knowing that gods hand reached out and took it back wiccans beleive that that what you put out you get back 3 fold, good or bad, and the exact amount of money my mother lost from savings and shortfall on endowment mortgage was exactly 3 times what she unrightfuly took !! 

another stange thing is my gran was catholic and married my protestant grandfather, she took his faith, in the hospice she just wouldnt let go, she had had me and my uncle by her bedside for 2 days and she just wouldnt let go, i asked the nuns who ran the hospice if while she was not listed as catholic could she have last rites?? indeed a priest came in and gave ehr her last rites, as soon as he finnished a peace came over her face and she gave up her struggle and passed over. Even in death she was some woman !

    T x

[Butterfly]

Hi Wednesday! So sorry to hear about how you were treated by your so called friend. You deserve better! Friendship should be a 2 way street. I loved reading your story about your grandmother. Your compassion comes across clearly in your writings. Your grandmother sounds like one of a kind as do you. Glad to hear you are feeling better!