When God does give you more then you can bare

[navydad]

Yesterday whle putting away socks in my wifes draawer,, I found four certified letters from the Mortage compan,, tere ready to foreclose,, I called them and was able to get it set back about 8 days,, to see if they will let us just add the way overdue amount to the balance,, so I had to call my wife to get back pay stubs,, i had to wirte a hardship letter,, and fax all this in,, i was out running around, going to the drug store,, and came home to a letter,, My wife ran away,, she hit her breaking point,, trying to hide the fact we were way behiond on bills
I had no ideaa where she went,, and had to tell my son, Mom ran away,, so hes worried sick,, I havent told my otehr son who lives near Philly,, hes still mad at me for the time she had ovarian cancer,, and I didnt tell him,, I didnt tell him becasue e was about to go to sea for 6 months, most of it underwater as he was on a sub,,
this is day two,, she isnt here and I have spent the day calling creditors trying to get some ind of payment in,, somthing,, not much,, when all is said and done I think I;ll have 25 bcks left till I et a check next week,, hopefully,, I saw the ENT today,, he dragged a bunch of slop ot of my sinuses,, my EOS% is about 4 times normal,, my body is just attacking me, my wife said in the letter,, you will all be better off without me and said, I cant stand seeing you suffer like this
she just snapped, I dont blame her,, she was trying to protect me,, but I;m left to pick up the pieces,, wondering where i will find bills next,,
I see the Wizard tomorrow,, and wi; tel him look what has happened,, becsee you say I have SS, and my other rheummy says you have SS,, and no one wants to treat me properly,, my wife has left me,, and what about the neuropay in my legs that everyone said was my back doing all this,, who takes hte blame for that, the wizard is te one that origannly said you have SS, he will get a ear full,, I cant tolerate cold on my legs anymore,, I can barely walk,, it feels like a cell phone is in my pocket at times,, my legs will vibrate,, exactly like a cell phone,, wheni carry one, I leave it on vibrate, and more then once went to find a cell phoe that isnt there,,
  well today found me trying to raise money,, selling rings I found with my metal detector and was saving for the boys, got very little out of them,, tried selling a few of my guns,, gun shop wasent looking for what I have,, so I had to call my GP,, doc write me a slip to go back to work,, he said you cant,, I said,, can I move i ith you,, ,, explained to him what was going on,, he wrote back to work slip with a few condtions,, modified work, no climbing,, no exposure to any fumes,, no dust exposure,, my employer is going to love hearing all this,, and the guys i work with are going to say,, why bother working if you cant do anything,,
   Well its going on 9PM,, my wife has a cell phone but wont answer it,, I leave message after message,, but i have no idea what she is doing,, I love her,, and want her home
on a side note,, I really dont want to hear the term od doesnt give you more then you can bare,, someone backed a dumptruck of trouble in my home,, and I see no way out,, sorry for the long poor spelling post,, I jsut dont  want to take the time to go back and correct everything,,
 

[Scottietottie]

Hi Navydad

I don't know what to say. Your post has just floored me. I think you need to tell the son who's mad at you what's happened. He's not going to get madder. Maybe he'd even think about being supportive.

How old are your sons?

I just feel sorry for you and for your whole family. It seems that everything has just piled up on all of you. Would your doc support you in trying to claim disability? He's not happy about you working - so every option is worth exploring.

To heck with spelling!

I'm hoping that someone with more experience of your system can wade in with some advice here.

I'm here to listen any time.

Take care - Scottie

[eyeamdry]

Hi Navydad:

You sure have a lot on your plate, that's for sure.  I don't think there is much I can say to make you feel better.  It also doesn't help that many others are in this situation.  Your wife shouldn't have hidden the letters, that only made things worse.  

You have taken action as best you can.  I would still contact the mtg company by telephone again.  I saw Suze Orman on Oprah today and she was telling about how the things the President has done to make the economy go.  One was about mortgages, perhaps refinancing.  

One was something my daughter is dealing with and it's unemployment.  She has type I diabetes and epilepsy and can't go without insurance.  The gov't will pay 65% of her cobra and that will help.  But she has no job.  Thankfully she is getting unemployment.

Maybe your wife will re-think things.  I'm sure she is not feeling great about this situation and her part in it.  Good luck and you have my prayers that things will work out.  Lucy

[baddabingtim]

If your son is a navy submariner - like me - he has something called character - he will know how to help you deal with any situation - this is an all hands down emergency and you need someone like him to set you straight.

[lesleyjoy]

Hi Navydad, there's been so much going on in your lives that you've all had to try and deal with, in the ways you knew how. You wife has has ovarian cancer, which is very serious and you've got Autoimmune conditions. Your boys must be very worried about you both.
Sometimes when we think we're protecting our loved ones from pain by not telling them things, it's hurts even more when they eventually find out and they think we don't trust them with the truth. The lessons we learn in life are often hard. I'm wondering if you and your sons could get some councilling to try and sort out the emotional issues within the family. Even if your wife wasn't present, it would be of great value to discuss this with an independent body.

I'm not a religious person but I do believe in a universal spirituality. At some stage all the things we've hidden or tried to resist come back up to be dealt with and straightened out. I've seen this time and time again. This is particularly true of financial and relationship issues. As the problems are acknowledged and worked through life becomes clearer and easier. These are just my personal views.

Take care, Lesley (New Zealand)

[irish]

navydad, The situation has reached that crisis point in your life. Sounds like you need someone to talk with who can help you sort things out---what to do first, etc. Is there someone you can talk to in social services in your county who can get you free legal advice to help with all this "stuff".

I guess your wife didn't want to burden you with anything because of your health issues. Life is just full of issues that really hit us hard sometimes. You should let the kids know what is going on. For crying out loud, you raised them and helped them out and it is time for them to do the same for you. Pride should not be an issue when times get tough.

Actually, when push comes to shove we can really get along without much of the worldly goods that we are burdened with. The worldly goods make us think that we need them to be happy or survive. Such is not the case. In fact we can really survive with the bare essentials and that is what is happening to many people at this time due to the economy. Having health issues added in makes the burden heavier.

Keep in contact with the mortgage company and also with your banker. Banks are much more apt to deal leniently with us if we are up front about what is going on in our lives financially. Please feel free to come here and vent cause you need to do that. Do you have a priest or minister or church family that can give you some support at this time. No doubt about it life is tough. Hope that you can get ahold of your wife and talk about a few things. She is probably feeling overwhelmed by all of this plus a little guilty about the mortgage stuff. Irish

[jonnell]

Navydad  Wow I just read your post I wish I could give you a hug and tell you everything is going to be okay.  My 4 year old daughter has sjogrens and sometimes I wonder why.  I also lost a full term baby boy.  It sometimes seems that God thinks we are superheros but for everything that bad that happens something good happens.  You really need to rely on your boys and draw some strengh from them to get you thru.  And try saying a prayer maybe just maybe something good will happen.  Just the fact that you have all these people on this forum that care about you is a good thing.

                                                                       I will be praying for you and your family,    Jonnell and Jenna

[ruby52]

I hope this emotional and financial crisis straightens out for you soon.You seem to be doing everything humanly possible to sort it out.All this stress will make it harder on you because of your illness.I hope your wife at least contacts you to let you know she's safe.I'm very sad for you and your family.
                                                                Ruby

[wednesday mc haggis]

Navydad

  i think your right, its just too much, you need help and support.I agree id tell both your boys whats going on, see if there is any support they can offer you.

i hope your wife comes home soon, i agree she likely wanted to protect you from more stress, and now its all out in open maybe things can get straightned out.Life just doesnt throw curve balls, its seems it throws rocks too , keep up up to date on how you are, not alot we can do, but you can at least rant to us and get it all of your chest,  get your sons to try to contact your wife on her mobile phone, maybe they might be able to talk her round, im so sorry your going through all this


T x

[Epson]

Navydad,

It seems like for some of us the feces is always hitting fan and at a time when you don't need anymore stress, Bam, here it comes!  This is a good example of how illness not only effect the ill, but everyone around us.

I think your wife just needs a little time to adsorb everything going on in your life, it sound like she was internalizing a lot of stressful situations.  It's easy to get all wrapped up in your own problems and forget about how it might be effecting the people around us.  She probably doesn't realize how important she is to you, with so many thing going on in your life, it's easy to feel marginalized.

The best of luck to you.

[Victoria05202000]

NavyDad,

Big hugs to you.  I am so sorry what stress you are going through.  Two years ago, I kinda did what your wife did as far as hiding the finances...specifically the mortgage from my husband. (I hid the letters in my sock drawer too) At that time, I was having a hard time with all my kidney/ sjogrens issues and new I would one day need a transplant.  We had so many bills...mainly medically.   I thought I could fix it so he would not have the extra stress of having a sick wife and two young boys under the age of 3. I didn't want him to worry  and I failed at making it all better. Perhaps your wife feels the same....like a failure.  We had fallen behind because I was not able to work because of my high risk pregnancy.  My husband found out when a police officer served him foreclosure notices.

I am not proud of what I did and I am thankful I have one heck of a husband.  He was able to call them and we did a work-out plan. Sounds similar to what you are doing with all the papers you are having to fax.  We were able to catch up all our payments and everything is actually great at the moment. 

I think I was looking for a way out. A way out of the mess I thought I brought to everyone.  I thought my husband would never forgive or love me for the mistrust I did. I thought about just leaving the whole situation.

You sound like my husband and a great guy.  I know I didn't give you any answers about what to do, but I wanted to share my story with you.  You CAN get through this.

Take Care!
Vicky

[Victoria05202000]

Oh....I also told my family what I had done. I was so ashamed...instead of everyone getting mad at me....they all came together and helped us catch up our mortgage....which was nearly $5,000+.  Tell your sons....your family.  They may be able to help...even if it is for emotional support.

[Chickpea]

Hi Navydad

My heart goes out to you.  I think you're dealing with this situation admirably - contacting all the right people and taking charge as much as you are able to.  It must have been such a shock for you.

As I read all the posts my eyes filled with tears.  So much love and care, so much wisdom and honesty.  You have really found a family and a home here, as we all have. 

Thinking of you - Chickpea

[Abbasgirl]

Navydad...I just wanted to offer my hugs along with others too. I wish I had something wonderful to tell you that will help solve all your problems.

I know what it's like to suddenly find out your home is going to foreclose. I know what it's like to go through that. I know what it's like to not be able to work because of your health. I've had some marriage problems, but we've worked them out and still work at it. There fora while it was really scary. Life has experiences in it that are so overwhelming, scary, and terrible lonely. And sometimes it does seem like God gives us more than we can bear, but after all I've been through, and still facing, I can say that it wasn't so much as more than I could bear, but a stretching unlike any other in my life. And we're the better for it, somehow. We lost our home. We had tried everything, but the bank wouldn't work with us anymore. Somehow God helped us find another home. I can't explain how it happened. It was a sure fire miracle and nothing but. We don't own, we're renting at a price we can afford, but it's the nicest home I've ever lived in my whole life, and my family is still together. And somehow God gets us through these things and it all brought us closer.

My situation isn't like yours. No one's situation is like yours. We all have our own and experience them all differently. I'm not going to get all religious, but I just want to say it will be okay. I don't know how or when or where, but it will. It would be ridiculous to ask you not to stress out because you're in a very stressful situation. My heart is so heavy for you and your family. I am worried what the stress is possibly doing to your health but there's no way you can't stop stressing. Try to look at this not as God giving you more than you can handle. It's not over yet. Me and my crew are over here praying for you and yours. Please keep us posted.

And I agree with the others that you should tell your navy son.

[Dolly Dimples]

  Hi Navy Dad,  I too just want to send a great big hug your way..  i pray & hope your dear wife will return soon..

        You have gone through so much , and now this ..  It almost takes away any belief in anything !!
           
                However I am sure your wife will come around when she fully realizes how she has left you to cope with it all, and you being so poorly.
           
   It is just one heck of a nightmare,but let us hope and believe that out of the darkness,, comes light!!
                   
                             Hang on my friend,  my good wishes are with you and your family...
                                                       Dolly x