Not Feeling Optimistic

[BonusMom]

I saw my neuro today for my semi-annual check up for hypersomnia.  Last month, the rheumy gave me Provigil to help with the fatigue.  When I asked the rheumy about taking it with Adderall, she said to talk to the neuro.  Several years ago, I tried Provigil for hypersomnia, but it didn't touch the fatigue.  The neuro suggested I take a "medication vacation" (from stimulants only) for 30 days, go on disability and sleep as much as necessary.  I am still on probation until June (I was promoted last year and the probation period is one year).  So, the neuro said to try taking 1/2 Provigil first thing and then my normal dose of Adderall a couple hours later.  To put it lightly, the neuro doesn't think I will benefit or that the insurance company will pay for two stimulants, but feels like it won't hurt to try it.  Neuro was very sympathetic about the brain fog and understands why I am so frustrated when I can't remember things that I should.

I was telling Superman about the visit when I got back and how I feel like I'm not only letting myself down, but my family as well.  DH then told me that a woman he works with who had emergency gall bladder surgery, returned to work today.  When I asked how she was doing, he told me that she was "good-as anyone who has just returned after 2 weeks off would feel." Can anyone understand why that comment would hurt my feelings?  It made me feel as though he thinks taking time off for medical reasons is simply taking a "vacation."

I am very despondent about my future and that my career will soon be over.  I have worked since I was 16 years old and the thought of not having "my own money" and independence, bothers me terribly. I love Superman dearly, but fear that he will lose all respect for me if I no longer work outside the home and keep the house spotless, cook all the meals, mother his daughter, do all of the shopping and gift buying for my family and his too.  Oh, and sex every night. Waaaaaahhhhh

I know I'm just feeling sorry for myself and things aren't always as bad as they seem, but the message today seemed like a reality check and I wasn't really prepared to hear it. 

How have others dealt with these challenges?   

[lesleyjoy]

Hi there WOW... it sounds like you've been Superwife and Supermum for far too long...and they're all so used to it that they'd be sorely threatened if you changed  It sounds like they have it all on a plate  Sounds like your Superman needs a reality check not you  Even if you didn't work because of bad health, wouldn't the money your husband earns also be yours as well?  Maybe you could get a part time job as many of us here on the Forum do? May be your Superman would go along to the specialists with you and learn more about your health issues then you could talk about how important it is to you?
PS. Sex every night ... not unless you want it too 

PSS I remember my ex-husband telling me about a house he was building, where the lady owner/wife, worked and still had a beautifully kept house and cooked cakes as well...I was supposed to get a message from this when I was sick and miserable and doing the best that I could!!! The truth is that my ex was dead lazy and that her husband was a generous helpful man around the home  Needless to say, I'm divorced and never happier   

Don't let them drive you into the ground, take care,
Lesley (NZ)

PSSS. Sorry, in retospect the above may seem rather harsh, it's just that I really symperthise with you and I hate to see unwell people treated unfaily by unthoughtful spouses. Unless they're really mature partners or have gone through similar circumstances, often they just don't understand 

[Lesleybird]

  You know....I have neurological pain a lot and take Lyrica for it....found that it also helped with my fatigue. I tried this time and time again and even when I was not in pain one day but was so fatigued like I had just been run over by a truck three hours into my 13 hour work day I decided to take some Lyrica and it fixed the problem. Worked again and again even though it is not listed for this use.  I don't know why an antiseizure medication that works on neurological pain fixes my fatigue, but it does. May or may not work for you but it is worth a try.  Also have your thyroid checked as hypothyroidism can cause bad fatigue and forgetfulness.  Hope it gets better....I really do know where you are comming from. I am glad that my husband had a mom that worked and so he does not expect much in the way of cooking or cleaning from me. I work a full time job but he does most of the cooking, we don't keep a perfect house. Tell your husband if you both work full time jobs you should both share all of the other jobs equally also. Tell him that women don't like cleaning any more than men do and men are equally as capable of doing the jobs that no one likes to do. You have a chronic illness and barely can work your job, and in reality he needs to do more around the house than you do because you have chronic illness. He doesn't get it does he? Oh yes, children can clean too! Teach them early to rinse off their dishes and load them into the dishwasher, vacuum, do their laundry, take out trash. Make their allowance based on how many chores they do. The only way that I can explain the pain and fatigue to my husband it terms that he can grasp is I tell him this disease is like you have a really bad flu with body aches and extreme exhaustion most of the time and even though we don't look bad just imagine having to go to work with the flu on most days.   Lesley