I had to put my kitty to sleep today...

[SeaBreeze]

I'm so crushed tonight.  I had to my cat to sleep today... He was 9, I got he and his brother when they were kittens... His brother developed a sarcoma (I'm convinced from vaccinations) in 06 and I had to put him to sleep when we couldn't control his pain, my other choice was surgery including amputation of hind leg, I couldn't do that to him... I still cry over him...

18 months ago my other kitty had an 'breathing attack' in my kitchen on the first hot day of the Spring, he stopped breathing in my car going to vet and wasn't breathing when I ran inside with him. They thought it was congestive heart failure, he had echo's and was in ICU for the night, it was decided he has asmtha, with some meds he was fine and I took him home.

Since then my big lovable furry friend has been having 'spells' of unprovoked aggression, biting, hissing etc. He'd get into that 'attack' position with a totally different look on his face, like he was possessed in some way. He has cornered me in rooms, growling if I moved...  it used to happen every 4 or 5 months, no obvious signs of sickness and nothing in blood work etc. been to the vet a few times, vet  thought he had some brain damage from no oxygen when he was sick. 

I've been walking on eggshells around him, I'd do anything not to have to think about putting him to sleep.  This last week has been swatting at my face, not playing, but with some force and growling.. and last night.. when I went to bed he swatted then bit me, drew blood, I cried, he swatted, I pushed him away and he lost it, sunk his teeth in my arm and wouldn't let go... 
For months I've been telling myself, the next time he acts out I have to take him, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it... I hate to make such an analogy; but it is almost like a battered woman thing.. I hope I don't offend anyone by saying that..
This morning he sunk his teeth into me again and I finally had to make the decision to euthanize him, the vet agreed that it was best for both of us, he thinks he was suffering to some degree at these times of aggression, and they were escalating and happening more frequently.. I let it go for a long time, because he could have me cornered ready to attack, and be fine and lovable rolling on his back waiting for me to rub his belly within the same hour. The vet and everyone were so nice and said they supported my decision.  The vet actually said he expected me to come in months ago to do this...
OMG, I loved this cat... and couldn't bring myself to do it...
I feel so guilty right now... he'd be sitting here right now on a normal night purring away looking for a treat...
I know I did the right thing but I'm hurting so bad I can't stand it.  I feel so guilty and I'm doubting myself but I do know better... It still hurts....

[eyeamdry]

Sea, things will get better.  It's new and raw right now.  Surely Kitty was hurting and sick when he was biting you.  It's not safe to have a pet that bites, because they can bite anyone not just you.

I hope your heart gets lighter with time.  Lucy

[Pooh]

Seabreeze,
Did you have those bites treated?  I know you loved your kitty and I am so sorry you had to lose him, but he may have been sicker than you know.  If you haven't had them treated, please do it. 

I'll ask St. Francis to watch over him for you and unite him with his sibling. 

Please don't let those bites go.

Hugs, Pooh

[kimbo]

Hey C,

I am so sorry.  It will be sad for you awhile.

And then there will be a poor kitty waiting for you to come to the rescue and share your sweet love with.

love, kimbo   

[SeaBreeze]

hi thank you for your kind words, i always feel better when i write.  I have been keeping an eye on the bites and scratches.  Hydroperoxide wash and bacitricin ointment because they were a little red, they look good tonight.  I see GP for regular appt tomorrow, so he'll look at them.  He was strictly indoor kitty so I'm not worried about rabies.  Vet made sure of taking that part of the history.  I'm so sad I can't stand it, I can't sleep... I think it may be an ativan night considering its 11:30p and I'm wide awake... thanks everyone.

[ktfabian]

Sea-

I'm so sorry about the loss of you kitty.  It's so hard when we're faced with the decision to put one of our furry loved ones to sleep.  I lost Brutus this summer.  I'd raised him since before he'd even opened his eyes, and at 5, he would still try to "nurse" on my t-shirt every night, then would sleep over my heart for awhile.  I still miss him, as I'm sure you can tell.

Please take heart in knowing that you gave your cat the best possible life he could have had.  And don't feel guilty - as the others have said, he must have been hurting inside to lash out at you.  Take care of those bites, too, there really is such a thing as cat scratch fever, both of my boys have had it.

Hang in there,
Tracy

[genko_b]

Oh Seabreeze, as difficult as it was, you did the right thing, for you and for the kitty. I'm sure he loved you and was not himself when he was aggressive like that. We had a cat who had a small stroke and behaved strangely as a result, aggressive sometimes and completely foggy others. Again, probably lack of oxygen.

You know there is a special place in heaven for kitties, with lots of treats, the doors are always open, and piles of clean laundry everywhere. He is not in pain anymore and I'm sure he loves you.

Genko

[lynnmarie219]

(((((((((((((SeaBreeze))))))))))))


I'm am so sorry for you loss! I'm an animal lover too and I know the deep hurt of losing one of your babies...they are definitely part of the family!


Think of the good life you gave him and all of the wonderful memories. He is with his brother in a better place now and they both know how much they were loved by you! They were very lucky to be part of your life!

[peacefulstorm]

I am SOOOO sorry SeaBreeze, that had to be so hard!  How aweful for you to have to go though all of that with him.  I hope you get to feeling better soon, I know its hard, but he is in a better place and home with his brother!
Lots of love, Cortnee'

[Reenie]

Aww Seabreeze, I am so sorry about your loss.  It was obviously a very difficult decision, but you did make the right one. It is very evident that you loved your kitty very much and that you were a great mommy to him and his brother.

Here is a poem called "Rainbow Bridge".  I hope that you find some comfort in reading it.

http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm

Gentle HUGS to you, (((Seabreeze))).

Reenie

[Scottietottie]

Hi Seabreeze

I'm sad for you and your kitty. He obviously wasn't happy though so what you did was the last act of loving kindness you could do for your furry friend. I had to to do the same thing two Christmases ago for my last remaining cat and I know how awful it makes you feel.

You'll hurt for a while. It's like losing a member of the family. What you did was right though. I think its so sad it can't be done for people sometimes. Please don't feel guilty. Your friend has crossed the rainbow bridge and will now be in his 'happy hunting grounds'!

((((((( SB )))))))))

Take care - Scottie 

[wen.uk]

Hi Seabreeze

My heart goes out to you my love, I know how raw you must be feeling at the moment but it will ease in time.  You did the best thing for your kitty as I know as an animal lover you wouldn't have wanted it to be so upset so often.

I've had two cats put to sleep and as harrowing as it is I knew it was my last act of kindness and caring for them.

Sending you big hugs.

Wen x x

[quiger]

I am so sorry for your loss Seabreeze. I think anyone who has lost a beloved pet can understand what you are going through. When I lost my special dog last year, I couldn't even get out of bed. I think it helped me that hubby took the loss hard too and we helped each other. It's only been recently that I can even talk about my special doggy without getting tearful. Grieving for these special family members takes time. I know it sounds cliche but time does help. My dog was 14, we did what was best for him and yet we still felt guilty. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You know that you did what had to be done. 

My doggy is at "Rainbow Bridge" and he will welcome your kitty there. Try to take care of yourself and allow yourself some time to grieve. Taking one day at a time is what got me through it. I don't ever want to go through that again and yet, here we are a year later with a foster dog that we will probably end up keeping for our own. He will never replace my special guy but he is a gem in his own right.

Best wishes,
quiger

[Patze]

Oh SB, I'm so sorry that you had to put your kitty down, that's one of the hardest thing anyone ever has to do.  I too read your story with a tear running down my face, I'm such a sucker for any animal, especially those that are hurting in their own way.

Here's a giant ((((( H U G ))))) for you.

Patze

[watoozie]

So sorry - I know what you are going through.  My Willie was 16 and I had to put him down a year ago.  He was grey all over and he weighed 20 lbs.  He was gorgeous!!  I still miss him, but I couldn't watch him suffer.  It is such a hard thing to do, but I'm sure you did the right and best thing for him because you loved him.