So its come down to moving

[Tivia]

Well I guess all good things come to an end. I had hoped I would be able to make it alone but life decided otherwise. I can no longer manage to keep up a house on my own, I dont have a car anymore, and the last family member in my area is moving away. I am in a very rural small town there is no way for me to survive without their help. I have no way to get groceries go to a doctor, anything. Since they are moving away to take work where they can I will now be all alone.

This is a huge and scary prospect because 1. I dont have any energy or strength required to get my home in order to sell, 2. no idea where I am going to live that I can afford. My home here is paid off so it wasnt a financial burden, just isolated, and I became complacent because I had a relative that would help. So I got myself in a pickle I cant stay here alone, and yet there is no where I can really go.I cried all day yesterday after they told me they were leaving town, im still sick about it. But they have their own life and there is no job or economy here for them, I understand that much. It seems so overwhelming though and in a month I will be completely alone 300 miles from my nearest family. I know I should get off my pity party suck it up and get the house sold, then move on. But fear has wrapped me tightly and all I can think about is , good lord I cant afford that or I will be homeless. Having to go on disability and ssi has done me in probably as sure as the diseases 

I have never been truly alone, I always had one person that helped some since getting sick, now their going away and I am terrified. Anyone else have a similar situation, how do you overcome the fear and panic of losing people you rely on to live?

[slccom]

Grieve first. What a blow!

Next, call a real estate agent and see what they have to say.

Also, decide where you want to go live. Do you want to go live anywhere near the relatives who are moving? I know you have been thinking about where you want to live.

Let us know.
Hugs, Sharon

[Tivia]

Grieve first. What a blow!

Next, call a real estate agent and see what they have to say.

Also, decide where you want to go live. Do you want to go live anywhere near the relatives who are moving? I know you have been thinking about where you want to live.

Let us know.
Hugs, Sharon

Yes grieve but I am not sure if its grieving or I am in a full blown panic. I called my therapist to get me in next week asap lol. I will have to find an agent there are 2 in the area I hate to sell my home I have made it comfortable for me. As for the relatives I would like to live closer to them 300 miles is a bit far   its also on the expensive side where they live. I could never afford that.

God I think I am in shock he dropped this on me yesterday and I am like ..what?? He is my cousin and there is no work here for him and he is planning on marrying his GF and they want a decent life, I cant blame them. God I sound like a self centered brat, im just scared is all and this left me no time to really plan.

[slccom]

Hang in there. I am confident that when all is said and done, you'll be able to say, "this was a good thing."

Where have they planned to move to? You can always rent a room somewhere while you figure things out. Pueblo is cheap to live in, relatively, and there are two of us sjoggies.

Sharon

[Tivia]

Hang in there. I am confident that when all is said and done, you'll be able to say, "this was a good thing."

Where have they planned to move to? You can always rent a room somewhere while you figure things out. Pueblo is cheap to live in, relatively, and there are two of us sjoggies.

Sharon

Well I hope so the alternative is death

They are moving to I think Edwardville Illinois, well thats were he goes to start. He will be working on projects for the I think federal gov they do contract work dams bridges quarries levees, so from what I understand they can send them all over the country. But they train or start in Illinois I think or maybe thats a job site. But he is moving up to that area and later on after they have some money I guess buy a house. I thought about moving completely away from my home state, I mean if you are gonna be alone you can be alone anywhere right?

[Mexgal]

So sorry to hear your world is being turned upside down.  Change can be so difficult.  I look back on many changes that were forced upon me as well.  Now looking back I can say they all ended up making things better for me.  I am sure this doesn't give you much comfort now but sometimes what might seem impossible actually has a "hidden gift". 

I would try and embrace the change and start researching where I might want to go.  I remember 10 years ago when my DH told me he wanted to sell our big beautiful home in Washington state and move to Mexico so we could retire early.  I thought he was nuts.  I loved my home and my friends.  But I researched and embraced the move and it has been wonderful living where we live in Mexico.  And the price was sure right.

Glad you are going to see your therapist who can hopefully help you with this pending change.
Deep breathing!
Sall

[Tivia]

So sorry to hear your world is being turned upside down.  Change can be so difficult.  I look back on many changes that were forced upon me as well.  Now looking back I can say they all ended up making things better for me.  I am sure this doesn't give you much comfort now but sometimes what might seem impossible actually has a "hidden gift". 

I would try and embrace the change and start researching where I might want to go.  I remember 10 years ago when my DH told me he wanted to sell our big beautiful home in Washington state and move to Mexico so we could retire early.  I thought he was nuts.  I loved my home and my friends.  But I researched and embraced the move and it has been wonderful living where we live in Mexico.  And the price was sure right.

Glad you are going to see your therapist who can hopefully help you with this pending change.
Deep breathing!
Sall

Wow you actually moved to Mexico with chronic illness  I would have been terrified to leave the country. I used to dream about moving to another country but that was before all this stuff, now it sounds like it would be a nightmare for getting treatment and doctors. How do you do it, are there good doctors that actually understand AI and connective tissue disease there?

Well another thing I considered is how bad would it be to stay where I am. Yes I lost the company of whats left of my family, and the reliance on him to do things like shop go to doctors etc. But I was talking to a elderly neighbor who get picked up by a medical transport service and she said they take people to doctors appt. who are on medicare and medicaid. So I guess that would be covered. I dont know I think I am too complacent in my home..too comfortable and I shouldnt be. There is nothing in this area but lakes and rivers and forests, its great if you like the outdoors and isolation. Bad if you like convenience of shops, entertainment lots of activity and people  etc lol. I guess I wont die immediately when he moves away, I just panicked and freaked myself out, I am bad about that..tis why I have a therapist lol. I guess I have time to settle down talk to my therapist and make a plan of action.

It really helped calm me down some to talk to you all on here, I was a crying freaked out mess when I made the thread topic. Now I am calming down some, still scared of the future but able to think a bit more.

[Carolina]

Oh, Tivia, change is inevitable.

I have already picked out the Continuing Care Retirement Community I would move to if something happened to my husband, who isn't at all ready to move out of a house.

He still loves yard work and home improvement projects.  But if I were on my own, I would move in a heartbeat.

There are lots to choose from here.  We've only lived here for four years, but this sort of move (to a CCRC) might as well be across the country as it will present me (or you) with an entirely new cast of characters in my life, and earlier is better than later in my humble opinion.

and of course I have so many contacts around the country and around the world...and groups like this that provide me with advice and support and TLC.

However, in your case, just take it a day at a time.  You don't HAVE to do anything right away, really.  You should look into the agencies that provide health care workers if you should need home health assistance before you make this next move.  Our community has a free transportation system for people who need to get to a doctor's appointment, etc.  You have to schedule things, of course. 

See this as an opportunity for growth, because that is what it will be.

Make a list of priorities....a time line.  See this as a project you can manage!

Let us know what's on your list.  We all love planning things.  And you do not KNOW what sorts of ideas will come up as you venture ahead.

Many doors will open.  Ideas will develop and you will find yourself looking forward to your move, if that's what's involved.

Hugs,  Elaine

[slccom]

Tivia, could you and your elderly neighbor work something out? If you get along, living together can be a real boon to both of you. But having a psychological partner whom you each look out for would be good for both of you.

Sharon

[wildforwater]

So sorry you are going through this.  I know how difficult is it to have your world turned upside down.  I had to sell my home two years ago, the details I won't get into.  Anyway, I lost everything and ended up owing the bank $30,000. I am now living in an apartment for the first time in my whole life....and although I have a good job, I live paycheck to paycheck and have zero savings.  I am fortunate that my daughter and family lives near me though.

And even though I am working full-time and am able to function very well right now, I worry what will happen if my Sjogren's progresses and I am no longer able to work.  Where will I live?  Hows will I be able to support myself?  I know my daughter and/or my son (who lives in California) will take me in, but the last thing I want is to be a burden on them.

The good side of this is I have an extremely positive attitude and am confident in my ability to survive and to survive well. I am strong and I know you are too. You got a lot of good advice on all your reply posts. Look into everything that was suggested and see what will work best for you.  Knowledge is power.  And I truly believe, when one door closes, another one opens.

Stay strong, keep positive and hang in there.  You WILL figure this all our. 

Hugs,
Maria

[quietdynamics]

Hoping that your appointment with your therapist can help you find a solution, maybe a few options that you may not have even thought about.

Sometimes when faced with adversity we find inner strength.
It can be empowering.

This has been my experience.

[Tivia]

Thank you all for the support. I am hoping I can deal with this and find new strength whether I stay here or move on. Life is change right, we are constantly changing so I have to breathe and accept. It just seems so scary when you have become comfortable and set in your ways or place, then you have to change.

[Carolina]

Oh, dearest Tivia,  I read your signature line again....you have so much to deal with already.  Relaxing and breathing, turning off your mind as well, can help.  But you do have more than your share of 'conditions' to cope with.

Changing medical arrangements is often the hardest for all of us.  I made the decision on this latest move (4 years ago) based in large part on the availability of Medical Centers in this area.

This was a change the led to a major breakthrough diagnosis and treatment for me.  But it hard to keep starting over, and I hope I don't have to move out of this area, even tho' I anticipate at least one more move if I live long enough.

It is never easy....but as you know change is inevitable, and most of us don't make it without a lot of 'kicking and screaming'.

After we made 3 moves in 5 months in 2010, I swore I would never pack another box.

Hugs, Elaine

[Tivia]

Oh, dearest Tivia,  I read your signature line again....you have so much to deal with already.  Relaxing and breathing, turning off your mind as well, can help.  But you do have more than your share of 'conditions' to cope with.

Changing medical arrangements is often the hardest for all of us.  I made the decision on this latest move (4 years ago) based in large part on the availability of Medical Centers in this area.

This was a change the led to a major breakthrough diagnosis and treatment for me.  But it hard to keep starting over, and I hope I don't have to move out of this area, even tho' I anticipate at least one more move if I live long enough.

It is never easy....but as you know change is inevitable, and most of us don't make it without a lot of 'kicking and screaming'.

After we made 3 moves in 5 months in 2010, I swore I would never pack another box.

Hugs, Elaine

Whoa 3 moves in 5 months, that would kill me lol. But yes its hard to do but you hit the nail on the head. When I moved here I was much healthier even with the UC and graves thyroid disease I was in pretty good shape. I started to get sick after about 2 years here and it just seems to keep adding on. Now my rheumy told me I should move out of a rural area and get in close to one of the university hospitals, shes right of course. But I am trying to hold on to this beautiful place as long as I can, I know I will never see this kind of home or landscape again. And even though some of the neighbors are rough sorts, they mind their own business and I have the woods and the creek separating us. So many colorful birds like I never saw before I moved here, foxes and all kinds of wildlife. I will miss the peace of it all.


Its cooled off and there is a breeze blowing, think I will take the dogs down by the creek and sit and think for a while.

[irish]

You know Tivia, change comes to everyone and the thing is, we do't like change. I am a new widow and trying to figure what I am going to do with the rest of my life. The thing is when we don't feel all that well we have to plan to live somewhere where there will be people close by and things to do that don't take all our energy.

Apartments with people to check on is makes for a good move. Apartments also have others to communicate with. I am a loner by nature in my sick, old age, but I do enjoy socializing. I just cant do it everyday as I can't take the strain and stress of keeping up conversations, etc. My one goal in my life now is to get this mess cleaned up and figure out what I am going to do. I want to take some art classes, etc.

You know, we become complacent when we have others around to depend on. Being independent is really empowering. Getting rid of the fear of being without relative is also empowering also. It has been said that sometimes good friends are better than relatives as they aren't so demanding and judgmental.

Don't think of this as a punishment. Think of it as a time of empowerment and a chance to try your wings and enjoy life. YOu will probably find that there is a lot more out there to enjoy than you thought. You many also feel better when you have more fun. Fun sends out the endorphins and seems to lighten the effect of illness on our body and soul. Good luck. GEt on the computer and find some age appropriate, financially appropriate living that will suit you and get on the phone. Maybe find someone to take you on a tour of new places to live.Good luck. Irish