I think I'm back, my dear friends :)

[Meld256]

I haven't been around here for some time and I've missed you all. The good news and the bad and all in between.

I want to welcome all our new members-I hope to respond to each of you sometime soon. For now, I will say I am glad you found us and hope you're enjoying your time here!

I've had quite a time of it the last couple of months. (How is that different than anyone else, right?) 

My dear elderly father fell and injured his arm the last week of June. As well as taking the skin off his arm very badly, he suddenly was much worse as far as his dementia and overall strength. I felt he may have suffered a stroke, although his doctor felt he hadn't.
He continued to decline for the next few weeks. I made several trips to Ohio where he lives and finally made the decision to bring in Hospice care.

He continued to be weak, confused and began talking about his Dad and siblings who've all passed on. At 96 years old, I felt he was ready for his next journey in life. He even matter of factly told the nurses in the dementia unit that he was dying.

Aug. 29 I received a call from the Hospice nurse that Dad passed quietly just a few minutes before. I had seen him the week previous.
His birthday was Sept. 7. He would have been 97. I feel lucky that we had him with us for so very long. He was really a wonderful man.

It's been a difficult couple of months, especially since I was in charge of getting funeral plans together and am the executrix of his will. I've been busy! It's also been tougher to deal with than I thought. I guess I felt I had tried to prepare myself over the years, but I suppose that's not entirely possible to do.

Now it's time to get back to some other things, like catching up with you all. It may take me a while. I appreciate everyone and feel grateful that I think most will forgive my absence.

Hugs to all,
Melinda

[finallyadx]

Dear Melinda - so very sorry to hear about the loss of your father.  I lost my mother in January of 2011 and it is still so very difficult.  I, too felt it should have been "easier" than it was.  She was 81 and like you I felt blessed to have had her for so many years but felt robbed that I did not have her for longer.

Take the time you need to grieve, it does take time.  At some point you will begin to remember all of the good times and special memories you had of him and those will replace more of the sad feelings and feelings of loss that you had.

We are all here for you.

Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.

[Bobbie]

Dear Melinda,

So sorry for your loss.  Glad to see you are back.  Bobbie

[Carolina]

Dear Melinda,

Life happens while we're making other plans, it seems.

I'm sorry about the loss of your father.  This is always a major life experience, and as much as we prepare, we cannot experience something until it really happens.

Time and your own wisdom and strength will help you as you move forward.

Welcome back!

Hugs, Elaine

[Sleepy In Seattle]

So sorry to hear about your dad...that loss is hard no matter how long his life was.

I hope your health is holding up through all this...best wishes....

[Carebear]

Dearest Melinda,

I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your father, and of all you have experienced these last months.  It is one of the most difficult times in a person's life, isn't it?  Losing a parent, no matter what our age, is...well, I just can't find a word to adequately describe that particular sadness.

You have been in my thoughts recently, conspicuous by your absence.  I've missed your posts, which for me are always a ray of light.  Now I hope we can support you, like you have supported so many of us in the past.  I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that we are here for you.

Welcome back, dear friend.

[Katybarstool]

Melinda,

Like Carebear, I have missed your posts, and welcome you back with open arms.

Enjoy your special memories of your dad. No-one can take those away.

Sending you some big warm hugs.

Kathyx

[Tivia]

I am sorry to hear of your Fathers passing. I am a daddy's girl , losing my dad was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. He was like my dad/best friend, no one can love or understand you better than dad.

[Meld256]

I feel like I'm back in loving arms with all the lovely responses.

Yes, I think I realized fully when my Mom passed at 87, 7 years ago, that no matter how old we are or how old the parent...it is difficult to see them go on. I always feel so sad for someone losing a parent at young age, but it seems no easier to us when you and they are older.

There is no way to completely prepare yourself.

What I am blessed with is a lifetime of memories. It was so nice to see a person who was rather critical and demanding in their youth turn into a sweet, easy-going and warm-hearted old Grandpa. We had our issues through the years, but he was a good man.

My health has held out well, thankfully. There is no way I could make the trips and deal with it all otherwise. But the demands of all the paperwork and calls has set me into some delayed grieving, I believe.
I will be patient with myself and take it as it goes...

I appreciate each and every one of you. My heart goes out to everyone else who has lost a parent. It is a life-changing event, to be sure.

Thank you for all the hugs, prayers and thoughts.
Melinda

[susanep]

Melinda dear, welcome back. I too am so so sorry for the passing of your precious father. My dad is 81, and it is so hard watching him become weaker when all my life he was this strong always busy working outside or inside  man.

Our fathers are so dear to us, and I think us girls it's just something special. There are no words for you, because all of us that have lost a parent do begin a different journey of our own that we didn't want to have to travel, but it's life.

We all are here for you, and love you. So so glad you are here. You will be in my prayers for each day.

Each day that I see my dad, before I leave I always give him a big hug, and tell him I love him. Thing is when we kids of his grew up, dad wasn't one to show those kind of emotions a lot, but there was never one doubt how he loved us.  Now dad replies with, "I love you too honey".

A great big hug is sent to you!!!!!!!!

susanep

[irish]

Melinda, I am so glad that you got to be involved with your dad's care those last weeks. It is hard doing all this cause no matter how much we think we are prepared for the death of an elderly parent it opens all these thoughts. Thoughts of our childhood with our 'daddy' thoughts of growing up and the thought that we have become an orphan. It is so good to know that our parent is in a good place and very comforting.

Please take care of yourself and try to enjoy what Fall there is left. We just never know what we are going to have to endure, and losing a parent is a hard one. Take care and God Bless. Irish

[Meld256]

Thank you, Susanep and Irish.

I remember it was not long ago that your Mom passed, Susane. Our parents are from the same generation where many times hugs or saying "I love you" was not done often if at all. My Dad would show us in other ways but was never the huggy type.

I've been kissing his forehead when I leave him for years now, and we'd say love you. One of the last visits I had with him, he seemed to realize who I was for a second. When I told him I had to go for the day he asked me for a hug. That was just the best thing ever!

Irish, I'm also glad I was involved in his care the last months. I've always kept in contact weekly with the nursing unit/dementia unit where he lived but it was every few months I got to go see him. Even though his doctor thought I "was being premature" about calling in hospice, I knew it was the right thing to do. I feared he would pass when no family was around, and I wanted to make sure he was cared for and not alone.

This particular hospice is wonderful (as most are) and the chaplain was kind enough to perform his funeral service. I didn't know he had been visiting Dad for the years Mom has been gone and they had become friends.

Blessings to you all,
Melinda

[slccom]

Melinda, we are always too young to be orphans. I'm so sorry. At least you have no regrets!

Hugs, Sharon

[Meld256]

Thank you, Sharon.

Very thankful for no regrets. If he'd died a young man, I wouldn't have had time to make peace with him and see him for the great person he was. And he wouldn't have seen that I did learn valuable lessons from him, and he had finally decided I'd grown up ok.

We "battled" for years and years. I thought he was stubborn, demanding and set in his old-fashioned ways, and I think he thought of me as naive, flighty and not too disciplined about life.

All of that may have been true for both of us! But we changed...I became more disciplined, he became less demanding and we both got less stubborn so we could see one another for who we were and love each other for just being ourselves. That's a wonderful place to be...and I am so grateful.

[genko_b]

Welcome back; so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved father. It is very true that handling the estate, while it can keep you busy at a difficult time, may delay aspects of your grieving, so be gentle with yourself about that.

We are all glad to have you back among us.

Genko