choppers ;)

[ashewoman]

Alrighty I'm going to admit something here that I generally don't like saying.  It hurts to wear my dentures.  It hurts my neck and my back and my jaw and that pain spreads to my whole body.  It's not the dentures.  They fit fine.  It's just being uncomfortable.... I have absolutely no tolerance for discomfort anymore with all this sensitivity and flat out pain.  I don't wear a bra anymore either unless its one of those leisure ones.  heck I'm doing darn good to get out my nightgown on any given day and put on real clothes.  Like I said ANY discomfort is greatly magnified to the point of feeling like it spreads all over my body.  They've tested me for neuropathy and decided I don't have it.  They have tested me for so much now I don't even know what all they've tested. 

I can put my teeth in if I absolutely have to for about 2 hours max.  In fact, it seems my tolerance for discomfort has a 2 hour limit on just about every thing.  Sure, I wish I could avoid all discomfort but I can't.  And I'm not even talking about glaring pain... just that awful strangely numbing and still ever so miserable dull discomfort.  The pain is a whole different ball park and when that is going on I don't even fool myself into believing I can chug thru it without acknowledging it.  But the discomfort is flipping relentless and that is what wears me down until I get discouraged.

So I can do some things and I do what I can, but I have limits that strain me and the basic rules of propriety and I can't seem to bend to those rules.  The way I was raised it's bad enough to lose a tooth ever, but to loose all of them by the time you are 40 is obscene.  Going without a proper bra... also obscene.  Not wearing make up or fixing your hair all cute... lazy and pathetic.  Wearing a moomoo all day instead of well fitting proper clothing that shows off your figure even if you don't have one... shameful. If you don't have a figure they invented lycra for that purpose get yourself a girdle.  LOL I'd rather be drawn and quartered ladies than wear a girdle... it would probably be kinder and it would definitely end faster than wearing one the rest of my life. 

I honestly don't know what to do about these "rules of propriety"?  They are apparently not fuctional or practical for people who have the health problems I do.  I'm having trouble making peace with it and I feel like I am not the only one.  Family, friends and acquaintances have commented, given odd looks or avoided me for my lack of ability to appear aesthetically pleasing these last few years.  Okay, in all honesty if I wasn't having all these health problems, would I want to hang out with a fat, toothless, bedraggled woman in a nightgown?  Probably not. So I can't entirely blame them.  But it sucks.

I don't know that I want any actual suggestions on cleaning up my act, but I could use a little empathy if any of the rest of you have recently realized like I have that I never realize back 20 some odd years ago that I was going to be "that wild looking woman people felt sorry for".  GG

[slccom]

GG, I'm so sorry things are so difficult for you. Have you been able to find a way to reduce your sensitivity to discomfort? If not, the heck with what people think of you! If your "family" avoids you, then they aren't much of "family."

Shame is a useful emotion in many ways. It keeps us from doing a lot of hurtful things to others, and ourselves. It keeps us performing at a useful or even exceptional level. However, when you are doing the best you can with what you have to work with, and you don't measure up to expectations because it is literally impossible, shame becomes destructive. It seems to me that you have hit that stage. 

Our worth as human beings (not "doings") is not in our appearance, our activities, or our teeth. It is in our ability to reach out and touch other lives, to make them better in some way. Sometimes that making other lives better is to accept their reaching out to help us. With the Internet, we can be so very powerful, and really  make a difference in others' lives.

Twenty years ago you were 20. Still growing, developing, maturing as an empathetic human being. Now, you know things that your 20-year-old self did not know, and have unfortunately been forced to develop empathy by being that  person you would not have wanted to approach then.

I wonder if you need to forgive yourself for not meeting standards despite your best efforts. You certainly don't need to feel ashamed, as you have done nothing wrong. This is just the life you are being forced to live for now.

You have posted many things on this forum that have been healing and helpful. That is who you ARE, not your body. Not your teeth. Not your bra, or lack thereof.

Hugs, Sharon

[ashewoman]

No, I have no remedy for the sensitivity.  Real pain I can somewhat treat but the best remedy for that is to minimize my activity and warm up or ice down.  I found this cool topical homeopathic remedy for pain.  If you guys haven't tried it you should give it its day in court.  It's call Topricin.  It's expensive but as much muscle rub as I was buy a month it even's out because it works better and for longer.  But the sensitivity is really awful.  I started buying my clothing two sizes too big because just having it touch me was making me nutso.  I've considered cutting off all my hair because it touches me and some how registers as icky rather than unnoticable.  I don't know what to do about it all.  Makes me wonder if that isn't part of how I lost my teeth.  Don't think they didn't have plenty of problems due to no saliva but it was just excruciating to have them in my head or touch them with a tooth brush.  Even that sensitive toothpaste did nothing to help.  I wish my body would stop going off like a storm siren on every little sensation.  LOL  Okay I'm ranting now so I'll close by saying thanks sharon for your support.  And it's entirely possible that I'm my own worst critic on this issue of being disappointed with how my life turned out.  I mean I really thought I'd have grown kids, a wonderful degree and career in something I made a difference doing, a snazzy husband who was more charming than prince charming and a dozen other probably unrealistic goals if you weren't sick.  LOL  But I get so tired of people who don't have the same issues making comments like, "well if you'd really wanted all that you'd have found a way to achieve it no matter what!" that's so darn judgmental of them.  And it is so untrue.  If my dream had been to be a ballerina... I still wouldn't have done that.  Unless I was the hippo ballerinas on Fantasia LOL. GG

[ktfabian]

GG,

I'm  like you, I can't stand being uncomfortable. I've been dealing with pain and discomfort for 20 years now, and I've thrown those rules of propriety right out the window. Did it a long time ago, in fact.

Going down your list:

1. Choppers, I don't have dentures...yet. But despite my very best efforts, I'm heading down that road. You didn't choose to lose your teeth by 40, I suspect. People with Sjogren's can do everything right and still end up getting cavities and losing teeth. I'm about to lose another wisdom tooth (I'm 52) which is one of only 3 lower molars left. I started life without two of my permanent molars, they just weren't there, but I made up some of that loss by keeping all but one wisdom teeth.  I got a partial to make up for those two teeth when I was 12, but even back then that thing drove me nuts. I was constantly developing sores underneath the metal part that went around the front of my mouth under my front bottom teeth. I eventually lost it. My dentist has  suggested that we see if the insurance to pay for caps and permanent false teeth wherever possible because, in his experience, dry mouth and dentures just don't mix. One thing I did find with that partial was that it had to be kept scrupulously clean in order to be comfortable. I had to brush that baby and make sure every speck of food and plaque was off it before I put it in my mouth. But if you're uncomfortable with your dentures, I say wear them when you're going out or want to eat, otherwise, keep them out. My husband does, and he doesn't have Sjs. It doesn't bother me.
2. The bra. Oh honey, can I relate. I have a scar right where the hooks come together from a spinal cord stimulator implanted in the mid- 90's for back pain and removed in 2000 after it broke and had to be operated on for repair 3+ times. Besides that, my bra is just uncomfortable. I'm a D cup, an aging D cup, so gravity won the fight quite some time ago (not long after I gained more weight than I should have, but that's another story for another day). Some days, if I have to go out, I don't even make it back through the door before the bra is coming off. My family understands and I discreetly explain the situation to people who are going to be spending time in my home that this is just the way it has to be. You have enough discomfort in your life without adding additional, unnecessary discomfort to the mix.
3. Proper clothing. You mean you're not supposed to wear pj.s in the house all the time? After 20 years of back surgeries and Sjogren's, I own more pj.s and pj-type clothing than I do clothes to wear when I go out.  As long as you're not being obscene in what you're wearing, I'm a firm believer in being comfortable.
In my opinion, you really don't have any "act" to "clean up", though that could be because I'm pretty much of the same mind-set that you are...I have enough pain and discomfort in my life. If there are things I can do to minimize that, I do it. As long as you bathe or shower regularly, don't chew on your gums or make weird smacking noises without your dentures (when other people are around), and wear clothing that doesn't show off more than you'd want your Mom or Dad to see, I think you're doing just fine.
Hang in there,
Tracy (an oldie who pops in from time to time)

[Piebird]

Ashewoman

I love your sense of humour but I can see your pain too. I hear you girl!

My life is very different then I thought it would be. I spend most of my time in a night gown at home alone. I dont mind the alone part. People irritate me. And I dont have the energy to fake being perky, showering, putting on make up, and doing my hair.

Never mind the whole bra thing!

Life it too short for underwire!

[beverley]

How refreshing to hear someone saying it how it is.  I had to give up my career (primary school teacher in the UK) and my flares are more frequent and the fatigue more annoying.  I don't have the long lists of things wrong with me that other people have on here and I have had no major surgery, but I totally relate to much of what you say.  The bra thing has bothered me for a while and I thought it was just me - and I often sit around in PJ's because they are more comfortable than anything else.  Being exhausted seems to be a normal part of my life now but most people say 'well we all get tired as we get older' but really don't understand just how lifeless and useless fatigue makes you. 

As for rules of proprietary - make your own rules.  Go for what makes you feel comfortable and ignore everyone else.  Hope the whole sensitivity thing moves on soon.  I find that most symptoms come and go and re-occur later, so you may get some relief for a while.  Thank you for your honesty.

[Ceceraven]

      Hello again ashwoman,  I felt so sad reading your text, but not a pity sad but an empathetic sad.  I can relate to the whole body sensitivity.  I was told many times I didn't have PN, then with another neuro exam I was dx with PN.  I kept telling my rheumy and neuro about my sensitivity to touch (even clothes touching my skin), to temperature changes (holding my hands under lukewarm water sends a shock throughout my body), and showering at times is literaly like each drop of water is a sharpe knife peircing my skin.  Sounds bizarre but true.  Of course it isn't all the time,  but these sxs flare at times.

        I have had neuro exams, nerve conduction studies, (NCS test for large fiber neuropathy) which tests nerves involved with muscles both of which were normal.  I recently had a skin bx,  well the result came back positive in all 3 sites, (at my ankle, below the knee and below the hip).  A punch bx is obtained at the 3 sites and nerves are examined.  The small fiber nerves are involved in sensation, temperature and touch.

        Have you ever had a skin bx?  Just wondering  ?



                                            Be especially kin to yourself,   Ceceraven

[Carolina]

Kind to our selves.

Kind to each other.

Kind to the world.

Listen, if it really hurts, don't do it.  Unless someone can really convince you that it won't hurt after a while.

I've never been into the no pain no gain philosophy, but I know there is some pain and gain once in a while.

Dentures, most people cannot tolerate the lower set, if it's a full set.  NO MATTER what anyone says.

Uppers are usually not so bad.

Now this is coming from someone with only ONE implant and 13 very "treated" teeth, and 14 very natural teeth. (Wisdoms extracted at age 16).

But I'm 70 and I've talked with and observed a lot of denture conditions. 

I take Cymbalta and am able to tolerate it, and Aleve, which is amazing (I have to take Omeprazole to offset the Aleve, and so it goes) AND I have a very HIGH pain threshold.

All that said, if it hurts, don't do IT.  PERIOD.  People will get over their judgements or they won't.

Who wants judgemental people as friends?  NOT MOI.

Let them whirl in their judgemental world, and we'll hang out here with the good guys.

Keep us posted

Hugs

Elaine

[ashewoman]

        Have you ever had a skin bx?  Just wondering  ?

I don't know babe... is that when they poke you with toothpicks?  If so, I could feel that.  And if not, I am not sure.  Thanks for your support, GG

[ashewoman]

GG,

I'm  like you, I can't stand being uncomfortable.   

As long as you bathe or shower regularly, don't chew on your gums or make weird smacking noises without your dentures (when other people are around), and wear clothing that doesn't show off more than you'd want your Mom or Dad to see, I think you're doing just fine.
Hang in there,
Tracy (an oldie who pops in from time to time)

HA HA I liked your list... seemed a bit frivolous to quote the whole thing.  But I liked it... Thanks for the support, GG

[ashewoman]

Ashewoman

I love your sense of humour but I can see your pain too. I hear you girl!

My life is very different then I thought it would be. I spend most of my time in a night gown at home alone. I dont mind the alone part. People irritate me. And I dont have the energy to fake being perky, showering, putting on make up, and doing my hair.

Never mind the whole bra thing!

Life it too short for underwire!

Yes.  It is.  Let's burn them all.  I think I finally understand why they burned them in the 60s.  LOL  I'm having a tough night and my whole body feels like it's going "WMOM WMOM WMOM" right now.  Thanks so much for your support.  Who needs a bra to hold up the twins when you have the ladies in here to ~lift~ your soul.  Souls should definitely outrank tatas!  GG

[ashewoman]

How refreshing to hear someone saying it how it is. 
As for rules of proprietary - make your own rules.  Go for what makes you feel comfortable and ignore everyone else.  Hope the whole sensitivity thing moves on soon.  I find that most symptoms come and go and re-occur later, so you may get some relief for a while.  Thank you for your honesty.

Thanks for your honesty too and for your support.  I'm sorry you lost your career.  I think many of us have.  And in today's world, being useful in a career is our biggest source of identity.  Sometimes I grieve for that lost identity.  GG

[ashewoman]

... AND I have a very HIGH pain threshold.

All that said, if it hurts, don't do IT.  PERIOD.  People will get over their judgements or they won't.

Who wants judgemental people as friends?  NOT MOI.

Hugs

Elaine

Or judgmental family.  I think sometimes I just want to completely divorce them.  Acquaintances are easier to put up with when they jab you, but it really bothers me emotionally when the people I feel should see me the most and realize my true struggle don't do that.  And seem to only have nasty things to say to me.  After all, I'm guessing that's where I learned those "rules of propriety".  I could just choke my mother sometimes and I finally stopped seeing her for more serious reasons, but she was like a pep squad director... "stand up straight, put your shoulders back, smile!  Can't you at least project your personalities!?" HA HA those are not my personality... they are only my boobs woman!  That makes them merely mammary sacs stuck on my chest.  They have nothing to do with my personality or character. And it hurts my back to try to poke them out 24/7!   Okay sorry for the little mom rant there.  I'm so glad you guys understand.  it's so nice to be understood.  Thanks for the support sincerely, GG

[slccom]

I know way too many people who have had to emotionally divorce family members. These people were just so toxic that they were literally making them sick. Or who revealed themselves to be so devoid of character that the people I know declined to have anything more to do with them.

The great thing? They are hanging on the same family tree, and the chances of karma kicking them in the you-know-were are outstanding!

Sorry about your mother; that is a hard loss. There are none so blind as those who will not see!

Hugs, Sharon

[Iwantmylifeback]

I used to work with a "Catty" bunch of women in a local emergency room.  12 hour shifts of Coach purse, 31 bags and nasty looks if you came in looking a bit tired.  I actually got called in on a pair of pants I wore to work, they were brand new, fit well, comfortable, but the super did not like the fact that it was a stretch waistband! Really.. at least my shirts covered my belly and my cleevage was under cover unlike the younger people I worked with!  I went from working 12+ hours full tilt to nothing in a very short time. 
I have to say, I do not miss dressing every day.  I wear Jammies, because its always jammie time somewhere!  They are more comfortable, cheaper to buy,easier to wash and dry and who cares??  My bra goes on ONLY when it must, caused me much pain as a stumulator has been implanted right where the bra strap rides.(figures a man put it there, lol!!)  It was taken out Monday so now the incision is there, have not had a bra on since.  I even went to surgery without it sporting new Yertle the Turtle jammies!  They get a hoot out of me at the hospital in my jammies! This was a hard transformation for me..born and bread to get up, get dressed everyday and go go go! 
SjS also killed my teeth!  I can wear my upper denture most of the time until I get a mouth sore, but no way on the bottoms, to dry to stay put.  Went to a dentist to see about implants to lock them in place...when pigs fly!  $15,000 when all is done and said. And then there is the followup cleanings of the posts at $250 a quarter.
If someone in your family wants to pay for that, tell them  you will give it a shot, otherwise do not worry about it!!!
Most of the people who pick at you are uncomfortable with themselves...They would never make it a day in your moccasins.  Most of us deal with the same issues as each other here on this forum.  We need to be able to choose our battles, live the way we are most comfortable.  HERES TO JAMMIES!!