Husband problems, ladies!

[irish]

Don't hem yourself iin by looking only for a teaching job. You have a degree and there are other things out there that you might like or might work out better for you. Money is great, but your peace of mind is also of importance.

Right now you are going through lots of stress and it might be that a job that is stressful would really be hard on you. Keep your options open. Sometimes industry needs people in educational areas. Good luck. Irish

[Belsey1]

Confused, thanks for posting the link to Letter to People Without Chronic Pain.....

Ark Mom, I hope you get ome rest and relaxation while your husband is gone.  Perhaps then you will feel like starting your plan to improve your current situation.  I wish he best for you an your children.

[mshistory]

Everyone has given you such great advice that I am just going to offer you my prayers, virtual hugs and support. If you are concerned about your children, document any instances of neglect, abuse, etc. to try to at least get supervised visitation until he has gone through some sort of counseling and can demonstrate competency. Please keep us updated on how you are doing.

[Madison Granny]

If you have proof of the abuse you might be able to keep him from see your girls or at least for him to have supervised visits.  He may not even want visitation.  I will keep praying for you and your girls. 

[susanep]

I will be praying for you. Irish has much good advice and suggestions. I have been where you are, for many years, but I am happy now, but it wasn't easy. Nothing ever is, but you can do this, and you deserve much more.

susanep

[Bucky]

Just another thought after reading what everyone has posted.  You mention your MIL was coming today to spend two weeks with you while your husband is away. 

Do you have a good relationship with her?

Even if you DO have a good relationship with her, I would be careful what you say in front of her in regards to even thinking of divorcing her son.  Is your husband a Momma's boy?  (don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with a Momma's boy)  But, your husband might use any information your MIL might mention to him while there, against you.

I'm sorry you don't have your families support as you deal with your health issues.

Do what you have to do to make it a healthy, non-abusive, safe environment for you and the girls.

Bucky

[Doxie]

Arkmom, you have indeed gotten some great advice which I agree with.

Like the other's have said, please be careful with all your plans, documents, and everything you do. If he even gets an inkling about what you are doing, he will do whatever it takes to find out more.  Can you keep some of your documentation, papers, etc at a trusted friends house? Somewhere safe?

What are your plans after you have him served?  Are you going to try to stay in the house?  What if he won't leave?  How are you going to keep your kids safe.

My brother just got through with a terrible divorce.  She started manipulating everything she could.  She was bad before, but when the divorce started, the claws came out big time. Please be careful for your safety.

Like Irish said, you may want to consider working in something besides teaching.  Also, remember that with teaching, it really isn't very flexible if you need to take a bit of time off to see the lawyer, or go somewhere.  Find something you like to do, or something else with the district where your certificate will help you find a job.

Good luck! I'm praying for your health, safety, peace of mind, and courage to do what you need to do for yourself and kids?

[quietdynamics]

Having had an abusive marriage...my support to you and your children.
Do please consider contacting a Domestic Abuse Group...I went to their meetings (until I was stalked there), and you can learn a wealth of information and agency help.
One thing I learned at the meetings (which I never would have known) was to buy a voice activated recorder....then copy the recording into my diary. A diary can be admitted into court/ recording is not admissible. However...when the other side asks how you can be sure of what you wrote..you can answer that you taped it.   That way the other side "opens" the door for you.  Who would have known? This was not the way we dreamed our life would be when as little girls we did dream...

Teaching: I really miss it. Can you try a different age group? Really with a medical condition that is so unpredictable; working in a school was a blessing. I cannot think of another job where there are so many vacation breaks and pace yourself...so you can rest up. I just REALLY would not talk to much about medical issues in a school environment though...I used to take walks at lunch time just to avoid the drama. 

[ohiolady]

Arkansasmom,

Remember, once you start treatment, you may feel well enough to go back to teaching.  What an awful way to live.  My heart goes out to you.  Did your doctor start you on Restasis and Evoxac for the dryness?  Your rheumy may also prescribe Plaquenil.  Take care of yourself, your little ones need you. 

My mom took a lot of abuse from my father and she stayed because of us, but I wish she hadn't.  I loved my dad but he had a lot of problems.  Alcoholism was one of them.  We all suffered for it.  He passed away when he was only 62 and my mom remarried and had years of happiness with a sweet, kind man before Alzheimers struck.  I think when you are abused, you start thinking, this is the way life is,  but it isn't.

Take care of yourself.

Anna

[Carolina]

Dear Ark Mom,

I didn't comment at first because I couldn't trust myself to be calm.

We all do what we must, in the final analysis.

I know you will go through this part of your life, a step at a time, and come out fine in the long run.

Doing what is right for you and your family.

Keep us posted.

Hugs and LOVE

Elaine