depression... esp during a really bad day

[valene2009]

hi belsey ..nice to meet you.. im sorry about your daughter.. i think like my mom who is 66--they just cant handle we are sick.. at first my mom was so nice & understanding .. but she told me she cant handle it anymore..

funny thing is my mom always says i bring up my illness everytime we chat. i called her today and again she started in on her arthritis and tiredness headache.etc.. i told her i hoped she felt better and i said my allergies were bad 2.i just made a joke that i was going to keep the excedrin next 2 my nightstand to pop every morning wheni wake with a headache around 5am..

its like she can complain everytime we talk but maybe she complains and .lets it go and i dont... i dont know..
i know what u mean about people acting like ur a hypochondriac.... everytime i mention something new most of my family says im doing too much research on the internet or looking for things... some of that may be tru but usually it is something new

all i can say is thank God for this board...

and yes i do need to get out even just for a small drive or take out the trash-go to cvs. drive for a few min ... anything...

[Winnie]

I also feel sorry for myself a lot.  It is especially worse around my cycle.  I layed in bed all weekend long and cried today both on the way to and from work.  Everything is bothering me.  I got upset at work, took the wrong students at the wrong time, dropped my lunch down the front of my shirt and it fell on the floor and then I work with a woman that thinks she knows it all......
So I can't talk to my mom either.  She can talk about things but then it is all about tough love with me..."Get over it", she says, "Live with it." I love her dearly but I wish she would just be supportive.   
My bloodwork is still not in yet and my stomach is just in knots.  Yep, I am making myself worse.  I can't help it.
I agree that this is a wonderful place to come and chat, cry and laugh.  Thank You!
Val, I hope we all can experience a better day tomorrow.

Winnie

[valene2009]

omg Winnie.. my mom tells me the same thng."get over it.."  "learn to live with it".. omg.. iknow she means well but sometimes i just want empathy... i dont work anymore and that prob makes it worse but with my eyes there is no way.. they hurt 99% of the time.. o well..
hope you hve a better day tomorrow.

[vacumme83]

I have been struggling with depression for the last few days and reading this made me (really really want to) cry. If only I could! And then there's that to make me feel just a little more down.

It's really nice to see the outpouring of support here and know that when I need it all I have to do is post. Sometimes I feel so alone in this, but all I have to do is log on and see that I am not.

[quietdynamics]

Hi...just to clarify. I don't look into the sun. I look off just below the sun early in the morning or in the evening when it is weak. I do cannot tolerate much direct sun. It is the light waves that have the neurological effect and why it is not effective through a window. Glass blocks the ultraviolet....so in a car I will lower the window so the waves enter my retina (one is enough) and blast the heater in winter/ the air conditioner in summer. But, I try to take advantage of the sun light waves whenever I can.  I will sometimes sit under a tree at the edge of the shade or in some shaded area (with my legs in the sun for VIT D skin absorption) for natural light therapy. 10-15mins. minimum.   And for me anything over 76 degrees and I start to feel really unwell and nauseous.

Below a tip of the hat to fatigue and depression.

Conclusion. In pSS, lack of stamina and/or depression cause a higher level of individual and societal burden than dry eyes and mouth. Fatigue and depression deserve more recognition as treatment targets in pSS.
http://rheumatology.oxfordjournals.org/content/51/2/262.abstract

Fatigue and depression predict physician visits and work disability in women with primary Sj?gren?s syndrome: results from a cohort study
    Received February 22, 2011.
    Revision received May 13, 2011.[/size][/size]...........and WOW look at the year...current!!!

[P.Trish]

Valene - I remember Luna from. OLTL. My dog's name is Lieutentant  McBain

re. depression - Yep, I have many days of feeling 'down'.  Things that help: THIS GROUP, music, funny shows, stupid shows, thoughtful movies,  reading (mostly on a Kindle cause' I can increase the font), walking or some kind of exercise (except during the summer when  it can reach a high of 105), friends (my circle is much smaller), phone calls, family (even though most are in denial - I think I enabled that part). Making lists helps; although sometimes I do only one thing from that list whether it is cleaning out a drawer or loading the dishwasher or even actually cooking a meal for my long-suffering husband. I just used my handicap placard for the first time - at a dr appt.  I also took the elevator instead of climbing 2 sm flights of stairs; a first for me. I was self-concious about using the placard, then realized that I was stressing needlessly.

Thank heavens for this group which gives me insight and perspective!

[valene2009]

thanks p trish... love your dog's name.. so you are a fellow OLTL fan?/ so sad it ended.. and i was so hoping it was going to get picked up online & eventually cable. o well.... ((

i get really senstiive in any sun-i was walking up my moms driveway and it was only 60 out and it already bothers me..just part of it and the doxycycline and plaquenil dont help with that.. it gets about 115 heat index in summers where i live-but not all summer long..

and hey everyone--i walked my trash down from my townhome to the dumpster-i walked the length of 14 townhomes and back.. i am pitiful.i was proud of myself.. lol ..usually i drive it down.

[eyeamdry]

Hi All, while reading through this thread one thing came to mind as I got near the end.  You younger ladies up to 30's, early 40's are probably dealing with mothers who are of the old school that you do "suck it up", "quit whining." "there isn't anything I can do about it" and so forth.  This is how they were brought up and it's still with them.  They don't know any different.  I know it isn't fair, but by now they likely have to suck up their own health problems, perhaps the death of their husband, a job. etc.

Now for their mothers......who were being brought up during the depression.  They were probably 3 times more stoic than your mothers.  Your mothers' probably thought their Mom's were mean and cruel.  We are living so much longer now and getting into a whole thing that just never used to happen.  Having three or more generations living and still being active.  I would be in the group of the 30-40's ladies Mom and I never had a grandmother beyond 7 years old.  I never had any grandfathers.  My father died when I was 15 and my mother died when I was 25 so you can just see the changes in the last 30 or 40 years.  It would help everyone if they tried to imagine how things were for their mothers, grandmothers etc and this is how they were taught

Lucy

[valene2009]

Lucy
you hit the nail onthe head ... my mom has even told me how "mean" her parents were to her.. my mom was born in 1945..  she also tells me that no one listens to her-including my dad--about her health...
but yest i went over and visited and she talked a lot about her arthritis-i listened-her one leg is so bad it hurts to walk. i told her my allergies were messing w/ my eyes-she listened but i made sure not to keep going on and on. we talked about other things too.

what i have to remember is what you said about her growing up in a different era and hvaing a mom who was 'cold' even tho i never thought of my gma that way.. and yes my mom too only had gmothers-and they both died by the time she was a teen.. It is a generation thing..and she is very old fashionded..

thanks for pointhing this out lucy... it helps to hear it from someone else..
Val

[P.Trish]

Valene - 3 of friends and I had a 'Wake' on the day of the last showing of OLTL.  Pretty funny actually - we dressed in black, played the theme music, had a trivia quiz, ate dark chocolate, ice cream out of cartons, dark bread, black beans,etc - you get the picture even our husbands came.  All of us have been extremely busy in our careers for the past 25 yrs (except, I have  retired for a yr) but managed to keep up ith OLTL via recordings.  Did you know that John McBain, Starr, Todd (the real Todd) &  Blair are moving (who knows how long) to General Hospital?

I hope you and  everyone are having a good day

[valene2009]

Hey there--yes I always watched GH too-but I wish it would have been cancelled over OLTL>.  i have been watching STarr and i think Blair is to be on today.    I miss AMC too.. o well.
your party sounds fun.. My sis and mom always watched the soaps with me too--and gma when she was alive... i never saw it coming-them cancelling it...

I have been DVR'g the episodes from 5 years ago that run around midnight or so-they show 2 AMC, and 2 OLTL until soapnet goes off the air March 23rd I think. (  I barely remember these episodes cause at the time i was still working and its when i first got sick with sjogrens.. wow...

I too have the theme song i downloaded on the net..sad.. o well.guess we have to keep going!!  i sure do miss my 2 shows everyday though-they really gave me something to look forward to-and it was kind of a bonding thing with my mom..

[P.Trish]

I agree about that GH should have been canceled instead of OLTL.  One of my former drama students (she played Georgie in GH until she was killed off) got me hooked on GH, but nothing like OLTL.  You are right about the 2 soaps being interwined with memories of our real lives (mothers, nursing babies, sisters...just a time for relaxin')

[valene2009]

You taught the actress who played Georgie?? i loved her... I lived in LA -the valley for over 9 years-got to visit the GH set meet Rick S. about 6 years ago.. was fun.but yes OLTL so much better.  makes me sad. i guess i eventualy i will get over it!!

[P.Trish]

Yes, I taught Lindsey Letherman (Georgie) for about 2 yrs (8th and 9th grade).  She frequently was gone due to her calls and jobs in L.A., but  what an inspiration to our entire student body.  I live 2 hrs south of L.A.  She is a truly amazing person (inside and out).  We were all so excited when she signed a 3 yr contract with GH. I haven't spoken to her for a few years - need to get back in touch.

How cool is that - you visited the set of GH?! Love Rick S

[valene2009]

yeah he was nice--i had met him at a concert in Brea about a year before... it was fun.. i loved him since i was a kid--grew up watchin him at Noah Drake on GH...lol.. great memories..

are you still teaching now?