No sex drive whatsoever

[Julie]

No sex drive.....Does anyone have this problem, regularly?  I not only don't have the energy, but the desire just hasn't been there for years.  I've been remarried for 8 years. The desire was non existent when I was married before, but it had returned for a year or two when I met my current husband.  I was thrilled to have that part of me be restored, and I thought it MUST be due to finally finding my soul mate.  But, now the drive is gone again even though I love my husband more than I can say.  Yes, the dryness is there, yes, I am tired, BUT even with all that, I use to get 'excited' and want that intimacy.  Now..it's just plain GONE.  My husband and I had a talk last night and I told him that sadly, I feel like I could go the rest of my life and not care if I ever had sex again.  He tries really hard to get me stimulated...but it just seems like so much work.  It shouldn't be this way.  How common is this with the rest of you?   

[Navigator]

There are many complications from low Vit D. and other aspects of this disease. You might ask your doctor for a referral to an endocrinologist to have hormone levels checked.   At leat then you would know if there is an imbalance responsible.

[LisaMarie]

Your story matches mine so much.....first marriage it dwindled.  Divorce.  Found it again with my second husband and it was wonderful.  Aaaah, I so enjoy it when we make love.  But in the past year, I just find it hard to find the energy to make moves on him.  At one time, I didn't need energy...I just did it because I wanted to anyway.  But I blame a lot of on perimenopause and he is very understanding.  We talk about getting me through whatever it is and the fact that we'll have our honeymoon stage in time.  I also plan on discussing this when I have my yearly gyn exam Feb. 1st.  If I can have a little purple pill for women, I will take it!  lol

[Sooki]

My experience also.  Pain from dryness didn't help either.  My drive came back slightly when I was taking DHEA, but I didn't like some of the side effects so I stopped.  I'm thinking an endocrinologist might be able to help.

[Joe S.]

I know that mine is no testosterone is one of my issues. I do not know what I would do if it was increased and I had desire sex.

Could Hormone replacement help? I know that it is a nasty issue because of the problems that can happen.

[eye2dry]

hello all.
I had to look at the signature on this post. thought maybe I could of wrote it myself and forgot I did.
I am not sure how old are you but could be HRT in order but the increase cancer risks have to be considered. I don't know what the answer is.
I have been married to the same man for 36 years and so he knows/remembers what it use to be like and that I cannot help it. I do not know if it's d/t my age , my illnesses or my medications.
If anyone ever finds out how to cure it (of course, without dangerous side effects)...they would become a billionaire overnight.

hmmmm, remembering back in the day......

eye2dry

[Dolly Dimples]

I'd go for seeing your Doctor first, he will know who and where to send you.
                    You can be helped,  so go for it,
                                                                         Dolly 

[Carolina]

Dearest  Julie,

Even tho' you have no desire, you remember what you are missing.   If that makes sense. 

There is a great deal of grief with that, if you truly enjoyed both sex AND the intimacy.   Losing that is sad.

I have nothing like I did, of course at 30 or 40 or even 50!  BUT, I use topical estrogen gel AND testosterone gel, and DHEA, which all help.

On the other hand I take Cymbalta, which is an anti depressant and reduces libido.

I know things are 'connecting' a bit when I have sexual dreams!

And of course, my husband and I have intimate times, but nothing like the fireworks of years gone by.

I also had considerable damage from bladder surgery gone very wrong, and repeated three times!

All of that has taken years of years of mourning to accept and let go of.

There isn't any easy answer for this, you must find your way.  A good sympathetic gynecologist can help enormously.

But your own wishes, your own health and family history will make a difference, as well.

Hugs

Elaine

[lori]

check your medication list- many meds - antidepressants- are famous for killing libido.

check your thyroid and hormone levels.

keep seeking till you get the cause... it will be worth it in the end.

prayingyou find answers soon

lori

[jazzlover]

I am a woman and found that testosterone supplementation helped a lot. I have no ovaries, so no testosterone production from them. Yes, they do produce it!

I also take female hormones, of course.

Now I have terrible pain from a bulging disc and cannot do much at all. It IS indeed a grieving process for me!

[Carolina]

The grieving is long and complex, jazz lover.

Know that you are not alone.

And that part of it is that we have the opportunity to LIVE beyond our 'desire' in a way that generations past did not experience.

Or perhaps they did?  But earlier?

I don't know.

But it is a loss.   And we must honor it.

Hugs

Elaine

[slccom]

I guess my husband and I are lucky. He is also ill, and we pretty much both ran out of ability and interest at the same time. I did find that HRT with testosterone was helpful for quite a while. I was hoping to find a female condom somewhere to try that. No luck so far.

Sharon

[Julie]

Thanks for your replies, everyone.  It's nice to know I'm not alone, BUT I wish there was an easy, safe cure for all of us.  My age is 54.  I've had ups and downs with this since in my 20's though.  It has gotten worse as the years go by, but then so has the Sjogrens.  So, it probably goes hand in hand.  I don't think it's my thyroid.  My levels have been normal for years, although I was started on Synthroid about a year ago for a goiter with nodules.  The hormone levels were still normal, but they put me on this to try and shrink the goiter. I started Plaquenil a little over 2 months ago, hoping that would miraculously be a cure-all, but I've noticed no difference in how I feel at all.  I haven't seen a GYN for years since my primary care doc does my Paps.

I should probably go see one though, to tell them about this libido problem...AND..to find out why my labs show that I am in menopause..and I WAS for 6 months, but then the 'monthly stuff' started up again.  It probably IS all hormone related. There is so much cancer in my family's history though, so it would be pretty risky to take replacement hormones.  We still enjoy cuddling, kissing, hand holding which means SO much to me..and my husband is wonderfully understanding, but I just feel very bad for HIM.     

[P.Trish]

I had a complete hysterctomy (5 yrs ago).  I have been on HRT off and on - and am currently on (just estrogen and Progesterone - Progesterine is not needed because I do not have a uterus)  My libido started waning a few months ago; my dr prescribed testosterone drops (compounded in pharmacy) It has helped.

[MissyLouWho?]

Most of my drive is gone as well.  But fortunately for me, so is my husband's.  He is on blood pressure meds, and no sex drive is a side effect.  I have lately found romance novels to be as helpful as a purple pill though    (especially the paranormal ones, they seem to be especially full of good scenes  )