Parenthood: Chapter 16

[Bucky]

Well, it's official . . . I am now treading into new territory with a 16 yr. old who just received his drivers license today.   

I am filled with mixed emotions.  On the one hand, he can drive himself to all his after school activities and run errands and Mom doesn't have to do it all the time.  On the other hand . . . he can drive to all his after school activities and run errands!!  YIKES!!

Of course, with this "privilege" comes rules . . . so, I'm sure he will follow the rules!   

As a parent, you go through many different "chapters" in your child's life - it seems like just yesterday he was learning to walk.  Time goes by too quickly!

I will forever worry about him when he's out and about.  I won't sleep until he's home safe and sound at night.

Dad will have to teach him how to drive in snow as he hasn't had that experience yet.  That part really worries me.

I know . . . breathe . . . breathe . . . breathe.  (more like hyperventilate, hyperventilate) 

Son . . . please be safe . . . . and call your Momma when you get there (but DON'T talk or text on your cell phone while driving!!).

Bucky

[Carolina]

Breathe is right!

You only stop worrying when they are away at college, or moved out totally.

I mean, no one is going to say "Where was his MOTHER?"

I lived in total denial, and just went to bed and forgot about him when he was out.

I guess that doesn't work for everyone.  But I knew I was powerless, and I have always needed my sleep!

I have two sons, now 41 and 47.

So far so good.



When you have loved ones life is holding them hostage, and you are always on guard!

The price tag of love is vulnerability.   

Hang in there Bucky.   You're NOT in the driver's seat now, as if you ever were.

You've done your job, and none of us can control the universe, no matter how much we know we should be in charge!

Keep us posted.

Hugs

Elaine

[Joe S.]

Well I hope that he does not do what I did. I was a little over the top with my driving. I was comfortable driving the car on two wheels. Usually the passenger side when roads were dry. I would practice spins, and skid steering on Ice and gravel in empty parking lots (usually the High School Parking lot). They had the parallel parking test set up in the parking lot so I practiced high speed skids into the parking space. I was very ruff on my driving instructor. I also won a couple of racing trophies.

My first Auto Accident was when I was rear end because I could not get out of the way of the other driver. My second was a head on while I was sitting at a stop sign. My third was on the high way at 55 mph. I was blocked into the high speed lane by three black SUV's with out license plates. A driver drove down the exit ramp at full speed in my lane. I saw him just as The SUV in front of me and the one behind me pulled over I drove for the center ditch. The SUV behind me tapped my bumper and spun me. I was able to steer through all the traffic with out hitting any one until I hit the guard rail on the slow speed side. The police did not believe me when I told them the story. Two good Samaritans that were driving the other way on the interstate stopped and confirmed my story. They each had partial numbers on the car that was driving the wrong way but nothing on the black SUVs. I credit my survivablity to two things: 1) the practice I did as a Teen and 2) premonitions about all three acidents.

Take your son out and practice skid driving with him. It is similar to what is in the movie "Cars". It may just save his life too.

[susanep]

Bucky my son turns 39 in a about an hour, and it never stops. Everything with him is fine, but I think about what is going on with him as much or more than when he was a little one.

When he was little I could control most things. Not anymore.

susanep

[A66eyroad]

One of the grandchildren just turned 16 and got her driver's license. My daughter and I took her out to dinner for her birthday and I let the grandchild drive my car.

The whole time, my daughter kept telling the granddaughter all the stupid things I did while trying to teach my daughter to drive. I was laughed at by them both! 

I'm much more mellow in my old age and didn't freak out as much with granddaughter driving (I'm age 58) as when daughter first started to drive (at age 40).

Joe, it sounds like you are pretty good at taking care of yourself.

Bucky, trust yourself! You're a pretty great mom, and you've taught him well. He'll be just fine --- you were! 

[harrigan]

Bucky maybe it is unrealistic to think we will ever stop worrying!  My oldest son took my 16 y old daughter to Wales last weekend to collect my other daughter from her first term away at Uni.  I was soooo anxious at 3/5 of my "eggs all in one basket" and couldnt settle till they were safely home!

We will have to learn to accept it like all the other first steps they have had along the wY - just wanted to say i know how u feel and chances are as u are lying awake where u r, i may just have got to sleep over here with that key in the lock that means they are safe, for another night!!!

Joe - u must have been every mother's nightmare!!!!!
Xx Ailsa

[Joe S.]

I think I was about 14 when I started to drive farm equipment. At 15 I drove motorcycles off road hill climbing and off the cliff part of the hill to see how far I could Jump. At 16 I worked at an amusement park and zoo. I took care of the animals (Bears and Buffalo can be mean), repaired the pinball machines and go carts.

As I am sure that you can guess, some may say I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, but hopping a slow freight as it drove through town saved on shoe leather.

[Patze]

I sure can sympathize Bucky!  Kidlet got her license at 17/18 but I refused to let her drive until she went to college (we lived in a city that had good public transportation and a reputation for lousy drivers (my insurance went up $1,200.00 as soon as she got it - that was very painful!  The insurance actually went down a lot when she took the car to college as it was a rural setting and the rates were historically lower in that area).

Hang in there and as the others said, breathe lady breathe! 


Patze

[aussie mum]

The scariest experience of my life was watching each of my children drive off, taking their first drive by themselves after they got their licence.

I still worry about them...and they are 24, 21 & 19.

When do we stop worrying?

Aussie Mum

[Scottietottie]

You never stop worrying about them!

The time I worried most was when my daughter took to a boat to row round the UK. It was in a team but they were not allowed off the boat or allowed any outside help. They were not allowed to use harbours. It took them 51 days and I still get shivers when I see the coastline on TV.

Only 2 of my 4 drive and they both did it when they were in their twenties so I didn't have the sort of panic that I would have when they were teens. I know that brains don't develop the 'danger' parts properly until in the twenties. Teenage brains really are different.

I'm sure between good teaching and good parenting your teens will be fine though.

Take care - Scottie 

[Cheryl]

Just checking, Bucky...how are you doing with this now that the first 2 days are behind you?

[Patze]

Still breathing Bucky?



Patze

[Bucky]

Cheryl - well . . . . today was the first day he ventured out by himself.  He took one of his schoolmates and went to Bass Pro.  I made sure that he told Travis' mom that he was a new driver.  She let Travis go.   

I was at work today when this happened (he had asked me last night if he could go).  I was nervous all day.  He called me and wanted to go to another place from Bass Pro and I told him no.  Didn't want him venturing out too far on his first day.

It's been drizzling here today and I was concerned it might freeze.  It was spitting snow on my way home from work. 

It's going to be a long, long winter . . . . even though he has been "practicing" his driving since March - there's still a lot he doesn't know about yet (like snow, ice, sleet, fog).  I wish he had had his license for a while before winter hit.

OK - here's a question for the Mom's (Joe I don't think I want to hear your opinion on this as I read what you have posted already!!   ).  With a new driver, would you have them "ask permission" to go somewhere or allow them to come and go as they please?

I am of the opinion that he should ask - hubby didn't think it is necessary.  Are you serious?  He JUST turned 16!!  I think it's the gender difference of opinions!

Scottie - I know I was worried for your daughter during her rowing excursion, I can only imagine how YOU felt! 

I guess one of the parts that really terrifies me is to think of all the "close calls" I have encountered in my years of driving.  There were times where I HAD to have had a Guardian Angel watching over me.  I'm sure some of you can relate.  It's not so much our sons driving that I'm so concerned with, it's the other idiots out on the streets with him that concern me.

Breathe . . . . breathe . . . . . breathe.

Bucky

[Pisces24]

My driver's ed instructor used to get mad at me when I would slow down at intersections. His premise was they know they are supposed to stop,yield, whatever.      Well I avoided getting into 2 what would have been bad accidents  due to my caution. I'd rather be alive and kickin than have "She had the Green or She had the Right of Way" on my tombstone. In time, you learn to be aware of whats around you.

My dad made me feel real good when he said he wasn't worried about me driving but he was about the others on the road.   Course parents continually worry about their children. Bless em everyone. Us kids know we are/were loved!! 

[irish]

As long as the kid is a new driver and using the family car they need to ask permission. Driving is a priviledge that parents pay dearly for. I feel that when kids get to run with a car non stop they can get sloppy cause when they have other kids their attention and focus goes down.

With our 3 boys, they got their license and they also bought their own cars. They all had jobs about the time they got the license and we live in the country. I was glad to have them driving so I didn't have to take them to work. They had to pay their won car insurance also.

They were lucky cause they were able to raise sheep and sell them so that they had money to buy their own car.

Bucky, you will never stop worrying or praying. All our kids had accidents of some type. One had a weird one that could have killed him but he was lucky. Kids all get a little "crazy" when they are growing up and spreading their wings. It takes a lot of patience and fortitude and plenty of tough love.

I am of the opinion that tough love is the best present you can give a kid. It is really exhausting to do and enforce, but the kids learn a heck of a lot and are forced to be accountable. We had one kid who we made sign a contract with us. He was so mad about it cause he owed us money but he paid back every dime. We also added another little tidbit of tough love that shook up his world, but he got over it. Grew up to be a responsible citizen. Do not let the teens run you cause it will ruin their life. My humble opinion on parenting. Sure glad it is over though!!!IRish