Angry

[Jshannon]

Do you ever just get angry about being sick?

[Narablueeyes]

Oooooooooo!!!!  <raising hand and waving wildly> Me, me, me, me!!!!  Constantly!! 

[eyeamdry]

yes, yes, yes

[sunnybunny]

all the time.

the times i get the most angry (not outwardly of course) is when i feel
like i am disappointing my daughter who's turning 5 next month.

she understands that 'mommy has boo boos that wont go away, and some days
mommy feels ok,and other days mommy cant do the things she wants to with you'

thankfully she is a very empathetic child, and understands when anyone is sick.
however i HATE HATE HATE that i even have to explain to her i'm always going to be
dealing with these issues. I dont feel like it's fair to her. I'm suppose to be the supermom
that i want to be on the inside and in my heart.

what my heart desires, often my body cant deliver when it comes to my child.

I think I will probably always beat myself up about it
and it's the one thing that I will always be the most angry about.

[Patze]

Yep, sure do.  All of the time.


Patze

[newhorizons]

Yes, sure do...     

It is becoming very evident to me that the father of our 3 adult kids will bend over backwards on a spur of the moment call that request/or invite for help with a work need or pleasure outing!!!

Well, the more I sit here and mull this issue over in my mind, the more I realize that to him its Wednesday, Oct 26, 2011, and he, too,
only gets this day once in his lifetime as I do...

To me the many years of the C word and in my case its CHRONIC, not the other so well recognized C word, has from my perspective taken a g-r-e-a-t toll on our 50 years of marriage.  So very, very often I wish I had walked away in those early years before we had any kids....

Yes, I feel like a second rate citizen!!!!   Enough said... Trust you can find that one thing in your day that makes it worth its while as I hear the big grandfather clock in the hall striking 9 a.m. The realization that I cannot go outside and do as I ONCE did depresses me soooooooooo!

No responses necessary, just seeing that my post has been read by others that truly understand gives me HOPE for a better tomorrow!!!   

[Joe S.]

I believe that anger is part of the grieving process. Yes, when I think that I have made it through the process, something happens and I get to start again.

[Still in the hunt]

Yes, I get angry everyday and have yet to get though those 5 stages of grief they talk about,, must have been written by a person that wasent sick,,
  I feel alone in my illness,, everyday I sit at home while my wife works, just me and my Doxie who is as bored as I am, who wouldnt be,, the only thing we do is take a walk around thehouse at least 20 times a day, one day just melds into another,, days are measured by months ,, where did summer go,, the illness can be consuming, things lost, things to come that may not be good, yes I am angry,
    I used to drag out the pictures of the good times,, when I could walk miles, work from sunup to sundown, look at pictures of vacations at the beach,, me my wife and the boys,, pictures of me and the boys salmon fishing, I dont do that anymore, its to painful, there was a smile on my face,, a vibrant look, a confident look, now theres nothing in the mirrow looking back at me, just the face of a chronically ill person,
  My sister moved in next door witht eh pretense of helping her brother,, that lasted about a month,, now even though she lives 100 feet away,, I could lay here dead for a day before my wife found me,, she never comes over, never calls,, and her husband only comes over when he needs something,
  So I sit here daily,, monday means as much to me as Friday does, thers no difference, my poor wiffe of 36 years just watches her husband lose the battle to this rotten disease and everything thats coming with it, the poor thing has no clue what to do,, or even how to get us any help, I have told her to just divorce me and find someone that can give her the happiness she deserves, its that for better or worse thing that is probably keeping us together, days mean nothing, nothing but the pain that was there yesterday and will be tehre tomorrow, the arm pain, the leg pain and never a good answer of why,, yes I am angry, I guess there are only a few options left,, either just learn to live like this which isnt living,, or go bow hunting,, and maybe fall out of a tree, at least I have life insurance, and dont think for one second I havent thought about it,
  I am just tired of fighing something no one can see,, Chronic isnt Cancer, one may kill you pretty quickly,, but Chronic does too,, those smart people who always say Sjogrens doesnt kill you but you can lead a life thats about equal to a person that doesnt have it are full ofit,, if you have Sjogrens along with neuro aspects along with gastro issues,, and the pain,, the unrelenting pain, well you mayhave thoughts of jumping in front of a bus to just escape the pain, and at least you will havethe peace of mind of not having to worry about what else this disease is going to do to you in the future,,
  Now that my Cobra has ended,, and I have rotten insurance with no drug coverage,, I cant afford any drugs,,  I make to much onmy pension and SSDI to qualify for any assistance, so basically I cant afford to get any sicker,, I wonder how long I;ll last on dollar store aspirin, Ijust came in from taking my doxie out,, I hurt more then ever,, my hands are screaming,, I feellike I have ice inmy veins,, ya,, I;m angry,,

[Aquarius]

Definitely yes.   This disease is a daily struggle to manage through.   But I really really do not want to become a bitter person. 

[KellyG999]

Still in the hunt - I feel led to reach out to you. I feel angry too, but right now am more worried about you.

Can you do something for you that doesn't cost a lot financially or physically? A trip to the library or book store?

I have also thought about Ending it so my family can be rid of the burden and collect a lot of insurance $$. But the truth is I have a purpose and so do you. Your wife stays for a reason - she loves you!! Please don't push her away. Let her in so she can begin to understand.

I'll be praying for you, if that's OK.

KellyG

[LizPetillo]

All the time.

And every time something new pops up ... I get ticked all over again.

Today ... left side of the face and lips are tingling and numbish ... it's new ... means the neuropathy is spreading ... it's so close to my throat I'm worried ...

I don't mind out and out dying ... but this inbetween stage is CRUEL. 

Pick one ... cure me or kill me .. flip the freak'n switch.

So yes ... I'm still angry and will be until I'm cured or dead.

[TripleC]

Yes, yesterday I really wanted to cry just so tired of not feeling good anymore !

[aussie mum]

My daughter was diagnosed at 17, she has good days and bad days, but at times she is very angry. I can't really blame her.  Now 21, her life is more like a middle aged woman than a young vibrant woman in the prime of her life.

I'm angry too! I would do anything for her to be normal again. To be able to go to uni without getting sick. To be able to get a good job and travel like all of her friends. I'm angry that she's probably already had the best years of her life..... before she reached adulthood.

Navydad, please take some strength in the fact that we all care about you. I think of you often and hope that one day some Dr will find all the answers to your medical woes.

Take care everyone
Aussie Mum

[Luna]

Yes, I feel angry. And I feel like i've been ripped off. Cheated...

Luna

[Cricket]

Yes, Yes, Yes!!!

Some days, which are coming more and more, I feel like ending it all.

The pain is just to much to take day after day, not being able to enjoy our retirement the way I'd like.

But I guess we just have to do the best we can.