As a Mom . . . .

[Bucky]

Today, my hubby and I went out for lunch at a Chinese Buffet (yum - haven't been there in well over a year).

Anyhow, what I saw at this place was very disturbing to me as a Mom.  This young mother (probably in her 20's) and her daughter (looked to be about 2 yrs. old) had come there to eat lunch.  Well, the mother finds a seat for them, then leaves the little girl sitting at the table all by herself and goes to the buffet to get food. Not only is this little girl sitting there by herself, the gals purse is sitting on a chair next to the little girl.  (They were sitting at a table in the center of the room, but close to an isle.)

What in pray-tell is this mother thinking??!!  You NEVER, NEVER EVER leave a young child like that.  Especially in a busy place like where we were at.  Someone could have come along, lured the little girl off with them, and out the door before the mother ever knew what happened.

There is no way the mother could EVEN see the little girl from the buffet lines.

I was so uneasy about watching this (they were in a row of tables in front of us, to our left) - I couldn't really enjoy my meal.

I wanted to go tell that mother that she shouldn't leave her little girl like that.  My husband said, "it's none of your business".  So, I didn't say anything.

However, I stayed at the table each time the mother got up and went to the buffet so I could keep an eye on the little girl.

This little girl was a pretty, curly haired blonde.  Even now, 4 hrs. later, it still makes me cringe thinking about the situation.

Mothers & Dads . . . . wake up . . . . keep a close eye on your children / grandchildren when out in public.  It only takes a split second for someone to come along and snatch them from you.

Unfortunately, we live in a society today with lots of sick people out there that prey on young, innocent children.  Don't let your child be one of them!

Same thing at the playground - many times the adults are too busy visiting with each other to really watch the children.  You've read in the newspapers and seen on the news that it only takes a person with a picture of a cute animal that is supposedly "lost" to lure the children off with bad people.  It can happen in a heartbeat.  Please, please, please . . . be very careful when out in public with your children / grandchildren.

Bucky

[season]

My heart cries for the children of this world. We have so many that are now abused and neglected even murdered and some even get away with it. I just want to scream for the children sometimes.

My husband and I were driving down a busy street and I noticed a little boy (probably 4 or 5 years old) was getting dangerously close to the traffic. I noticed two woman standing in a parking area talking and probably one of them was the mother of the little boy.

We past on by and the little boy was much too close to our vehicle. I looked back and saw more cars coming and the little boy wasn't moving out of the way. We traveled probably 2 miles down the road and I told my husband to turn around. I wanted to see if the child was alright. He said, "What are you going to do? You know if that was the boy's mother in the parking area, she might not like it if she thinks we are intruding."

I told my husband that I just wanted to make sure he was alright. We turned around and sure enough the little boy was out of the way of traffic and playing with more children beside a building. The two women were still talking.

I don't think I could have slept that night if i hadn't gone back to see if he was alright.

I pray for the children of this world. Some of them are all alone even with parents.

[irish]

Amen girls, I have no clue what is on the mind of many of the mothers of this day and age. I know what you mean about parents not watching their kids in public.

I also just die when I am in a store and I see a kids fussing in the cart and hear his mom just swearing at him/her. I hate to think what goes on behind closed doors.

Thennnn, How about the way the kids are dressed. Out in the cold weather and the mom will have on a winter coat or heavy jacket and the child is in a sweatshirt and nothing on their head. I always want to just holler at the parent that if you are cold don't you think your kid would be too!!!

Then there are the kids that grow up living off of fast food and probably don't see a vegetable except for the lettuce on the burger. Oh, somebody should be out there policing the world to check on our precious children. Thank goodness there are the people who watch out for others children. These are the angels unaware.

Also, I think that children must have angels who watch over them because they live through some pretty bad parenting and one would wonder why. Irish

[Meld256]

I know...I know.  I see things like this and it makes me cringe.

I have neighbors who let their small children run in the yard (and street) with no shoes and very little clothes even when it's cold.  Yesterday the smallest child, who is about 2, was out in his diaper and it was all of 55-60 degrees! 
We rarely see an adult outside with them.  Last week the same child walked into the street, following their cat.  I happened to see him and was just about to go get him when his brother retreived him.

They make me very nervous.

[Cheryl]

I am in sympathy with all of you about this, and it makes me angry, too.   About 3 years ago, I arrived home to see the little boy next door (who was not quite 2 years old) playing outdoors.   He appeared to be alone, but I assumed someone was watching him.  I carried in my groceries and forgot about him until several minutes later there was a little knock at my kichen door.  There he stood alone. 

I picked him up and carried him home to a very surprised dad, who said, "He was supposed to be playing in his room!"  I lectured him about the dangers awaiting a small child - the street, falling into a pool, etc. and the necessity of watching a child his age.  (The dad smelled of alcohol, and it had taken quite a while to get him to answer the door.)  He acted quite humble, and he agreed with everything I said, probably to get rid of me.

The family still lives there, and I think the 4 kids are alone a lot, but the older siblings are in their early teens now.  I try to mind my own business, but I still worry about them.

[hjane0811]

 

Just today at church someone came to speak about domestic abuse.  Women and children are often in danger in their own homes. The speaker said that all too often loved ones and family members turn their heads the other way even if they have a "sense" that something is going on.

The speaker recommended that we approach the mothers in a caring way to see if they would like to talk about it or if you can help them or get them help. We might think this is interfering, but approached in a nice way, a kind hand is usually accepted.  It is hard to know the struggles people are having, and there are plenty in this world, but by helping the parents, we help the children.

When my mother instinct to protect kicks in, I try to to intervene in a positive way (if I think I can control my anger).  I may have sat down with the child and waited for the mother to return and then spoken with her about my fear for the child. Likely she would have agreed and perhaps talked more, maybe even thanked me.

Here's an incident I remember. One day I found two children in their family van in a parking lot crying and screaming while their mother was in the store shopping. The oldest was probably five. I calmed them down and asked where their mother was.  The older one said, "She's been gone an awfully long time.  Will you find her for me?" I said I would and asked her to stay in the van with the door windows up and the locked, to remain calm and that I would go find Mommy. In a loud voice, I called out in the store, "I am looking for the mother of two small children who are waiting in the van outside".  She looked up with a really ashamed face. I told her the kids were hysterical and I asked her how old the kids were. "Older than they look", was her response. I told her that I never left my child alone in the car at that age. I asked her what she was thinking and she scurried off with her head down. I followed her to the car.  At the van another woman was holding vigil. I asked the kids if they were alright and if this was their mommy.  They said "yes". The mother told me she would handle it. I then wrote down the license plate number while the other woman made a call on her cell phone. I am not sure if she was actually calling the police or not. She gave that appearance. When I got home, I wanted to call the police to check on the children, but did not. Now I regret that. You can be sure if the mother did it once that she had done it before and would likely do it again. I continue to wonder "What was she thinking"? I ask myself the same question about the mother at the buffet, Bucky.

[Meld256]

I agree that we can try to be positive and understand that some parents are under horrible stress, depression, or have who knows what going on in their lives.  I am understanding unless I see something outright dangerous.

Last summer, I parked at a store beside a car with 3 children inside, windows rolled up, one child was an infant in a car seat and it was about 90 degrees outside. The older kids were crying.
I looked at one child and told them I was going to find the adult they came with. I went into the store, told the manager, and she immediately called the police and went to the car to wait.  They came and found the grandmother who brought them.

This is one area that I have no patience for. Many children die every year left in hot cars; totally senseless!

[hjane0811]

Meld,

I agree, it is never acceptable to leave children in a car alone, Fortunately the day I found the small kids alone in the car it was not a hot day. I once attended a conference given at a gambling casino in Mississippi. Outside in the parking lot there was a sign that read, "Do not leave  your children or frail elders in the car while you are in the casino". I was stunned that such a sign should be necessary, but addictions all too often take precedence over common sense. 

[Meld256]

hjane,

I certainly didn't mean to sound as if I thought you wouldn't take action if a child was in danger. I hope I did not give that impression; if so, I apologize.

That is amazing that the casino would feel it's necessary to have such a sign outside, just as you stated.
Hope you day is good,
Melinda

[4Kids]

I must say too as a Mother this thread offended me.

I don't think anyone meant to cause offense, but let me say--and I have been processing this for a few days since it was typed out so as not to seem defensive and crazy  and I am really trying hard--but to peg all us young mothers (if you consider me a young mother) as people who abuse our children (which is what swearing andyelling at them in a cart IS) or as not caring so as to leave kids in a car on a hot day or alone... those mothers you are speaking of are BAD mothers. Please don't generalize all of us like this thread is doing.

In my province it is the law that if you see or suspect a child is being abused, you have a LEGAL responsibility to report that. This includes verbal abuse, ie the child in the cart being sworn at.

If ever there are children locked in a 90 car, break a window and call the police. I mean that. Once my dh locked my daughter by accident in our van, and it hardly ever reaches 90 here. He was so panicked, no cell and no neighbours that he could find. 2 more minutes and he was going to smash our window, and darn right. He finally got the extra set and got her out or picked the lock, I can't remember.

As for leaving the children, no good mother leaves a 2 year old child to play alone. I do leave them in the van in our small city when I go into the bank. We park right in front of the glass wall and I can see them the entire time. I am not about to apologize for this. My eldest children are in there with doors locked and vehicle running and it takes 5 minutes.

It is funny. Yesterday I was at the Coop getting some groceries with Jackson and Jayda. I passed a SkateCanada poster looking for volunteers. I told Jayda to wait with Jackson while I stopped to go back and see it. A 50-somethingish woman pursed her lips, set herself on her hips and crossed her arms and stared at me and I thought of this thread.

I walked backwards 3 steps, which is what my intention was. I looked at this poster, gave a HUGE smile to the woman and left. for the record, it was +5 out (C, of course) and my son had no hat on -- he hates them and has very thick hair. My daughter had refused to wear a coat that morning and I used natural consquences for her to learn it was cold without a coat. She too had no hat. If I force the situation, I do not let her learn that when it is cold you need a coat. Instead what I teach her is that you must obey Mommy. Obedience is great, thinking out a situation is really great too. Would I have done this if it were -49? No, I wouldn't have. I used this time of year to hopefully stop a battle later. Yes it is -49 here in winter. Then I fight fights that need to be fought.

I hope I am not too combative here. The thread seemed very judgemental and made me feel quite upset. I needed to respond.

[4Kids]

ps the woman at the restuarant was really stupid. We would never do that, either. You should see me sweating it out at a fast food restaurant with all 4 kids, one of whom is a tornado, carrying him and a big tray of food over to the table. We take out usually because of that!!!

[Meld256]

I'm so sorry, 4kids, that you felt offended.  I've been a young mother and now I'm an older mother.   

I don't believe any of us intended to make you, or anyone else, feel we "older Moms" we were generalizing all of you.  I remember what it was like getting 3 kids around town. It could be a little chaotic at times. 

I should have added all the times that I see wonderful parents and Moms with their children. It always makes me smile. And I see that happening a lot more than the negative things. I'm glad you told us how you feel. 
I am truely sorry we upset you.

[4Kids]

Also I have to write an addendum here. I shouldn't call those women bad mothers. We all have our days when we make very poor decisions.

Once, I had to go to the mall when my 3rd baby was very small. My husband was at school, which meant I was exhausted alone with 3 kids. Anyway. My oldest, Justin, wanted to ride the escalator. No matter how many times I see this happen in my head I don't know why he wasn't holding my hand. Jayda was in the sling. I was showing him how to step out and I stepped... and he didn't.

You can imagine my horror--people quickly stepped behind me and I couldn't go back up. Tears came in his eyes and mine. I will be forever grateful for the elderly man who walked up to Justin and asked him if he could hold his hand and help him go down the escalator. My son wouldn't, he coudln't go with strangers. Of course, this old man said and stood with him while I blubbered up the escalotor to Justin. Why did I step and not hold his hand??? I was so tired, that's all I can say, I made a stupid decision. jayda slept for like 30mins at a crack for MONTHS. It was awful. I refused to go to the mall until just recently (2 years?) and then I was practically clamped onto Jayda's hands.

Anyway. I know, Melinda, I really did I just had to get it out. I didn't mean to offend anyone either with the younger/older thing either, and there is a whole lifetime of difference between a mother my age and one in her early 20s now. I am not sure the whole "superwoman" thing did any good for families.

[Meld256]

Oh dear, the mall...ugh.  My first husband and I only had one child when this happened:

Our son was not quite 2, and he loved going to the mall and we'd visit the toy store. One of those times when he was right there and I thought my husband had his hand, and he thought I had it.  We turned and Kristopher was gone.  We were terrified! 

My husband went one way and I went the other. The mall had 3 cross-halls (?) and I told my husband I bet Kris went toward the toy store. He told me there's no way he knew how to get that far at the other end. 
Sure enough, by the time I got all the way to the toy store, there Kris sat beside a big firetruck with a big smile.
We kept a much closer watch on him after that.

[jmkboyer]

Thanks Melinda, for that acknowledgement!  I agree that there are *many* stupid parents out there.  And I am certainly capable of being excessively judgmental.  But most of us try to do the best that we can.  My kiddos are 11, 9, and 5 and I know they have someone looking out for them because we've had our share of moments!

MB