Children

[Cricket]

   Grown children are as annoying as small ones!

My daughter who is married and has two small children announced yesterday that they will no longer celebrate Christmas and Easter with us as they say it is a pagan celebration (think they used different words but can't remember them).

I have been so upset, headache and my chest hurts.  I just do not know what it is going to feel like without them and the children!! 

I also know this is only two days out of a year and don't want to make to much of a fuss as I am afraid it will put a strain on relationship.

[LisaMarie]

My kids spend the holidays with their father (they are 24 now) and have been doing this since they were teens because their dad had other children after our divorce and I thought it was important for them to feel as if they were part of that family on special occasions.  It worked out well for them.

My husband and I use to split up on Christmas so he could be with his mom and I could be with my parents.  Both of us loss our mom's in the past two years and my Dad spends time with other family members.

So, we are thinking that it may be the perfect time for him and I to have time away!  Christmas vacation for sure! 

You can hope that it is just a phase that they are going through and that they will want to celebrate the special holiday again.  But if you push, they will push back.  You can still purchase something like savings bonds for the grandchildren and hold on to them so you can give them to them later in life.  This will allow them to know you thought of them as you celebrated your special holiday.

Pick your battles.  Your health is a bigger battle. 

Best wishes,
Lisa

[Carolina]

Just remember, it will all come around and land on them, one day.

"Just wait til you have children, or wait until they are grown up and join a cult!"  Or become some form of religious nuts and having living nativity scenes on their front yards."

Honestly, whatever your kids are doing to YOU, their kids will do to them in spades. 

I am amazed at how people keep at this business of family when it is so darned crazy making!   And I'm the FIRST in line to do stuff with my kids and grandkids.  But it SURE ain't ever easy.

Really.

Kids need to find their own way of doing stuff.....often in ways that make their parents crazy.  Always, actually.

Up until about 4 or 5 kids are physical work, but cute as buttons and enjoy your company endlessly.

THEN......it's all down hill.

I would say, seriously, and then something redeeming, but I'm not sure I can find it.

Rule 1.   Everyone's family makes them crazy.

Rule 2.   You must stand aside, make your own activities, and let 'em whirl.

Rule 3.   Grandkids often care more about you than you think, and who knows what THEY are thinking about this no Christmas/Easter business.   Just wait.....that's the hardest part. 

BTW:  Have you thought at all about how crazy you made your parents?   

I agree with Lisa and confused.

Keep us posted.

Hugs

Elaine

[newhorizons]

  Grown children are as annoying as small ones!

Our parents are deceased and we are now the senior family members...

Our 3 young people and spouses always have come to our home during Christmas time, though last Christmas, older son had to have a large kidney stone removed through his back rib cage and was in hospital and daughter with Sjogrens had large kidney stone and was in so much pain and doc suggested she stay home (5 hrs. from us) until she either was able to pass or 'blasting' would need to be done during holidays.  Sooooooo we just skipped Christmas AND now thinking since it happened once, let's just skip Xmas in the future.... 

Our grandchildren have come to the farm and spent a week with us for each of the past 8  years. We realized this past summer vacation felt different with their ages now being 14, 12, 10, and 8...

With all the summer involvement of each grandchild, I feel this was our last year of farm week... I'm 'banking' that past summers spent at Papaw's and Mamaw's farm linger through the time to come, and...

My sincere trust is that when we can no longer care for each other that our children will stand up and take care of us... and, even possibly one of these 4 precious grandchildren!

When one of us passes away that one child/grandchild will step forward and take the lead... to ensure the last one is cared for in his/her home as long as feasibly possible before making other arrangements. You know, assisted living home, nursing home and then the 'pushing daisies' arrangement that is already in place in an eternal care facility on a beautiful hillside.

[Meld256]

Cricket,

Yes, the grown ones can annoy us!

I'm sorry you're so upset, but you're right in that the more fuss made about it could strain things a bit. As young adults I think we all might "try things differently" for a time.  This may only be a phase. 

Unfortunately, we gotta let 'em do their own thing and go with the flow, as hard as that can be.

newhorizons,
I think even if your grandchildrens days of always spending days at your farm are going to dwindle, they will always cherish those times, just as you do. My husband still talks of his days he spent with his grandparents many years ago. 
When people have those bonds, they will step up when needed to help.

[Cricket]

Thanks everyone!

It is hard to let them go and change things up in our lives.  In my head I know not to push but my heart wants to jump them and make them do it my way. lol! 

I also have to put it in the Lord's hands cause I can not physically or mentally hold on to this, I will end up making myself very sick.  That also is a very hard thing to do.

It is great I can come here and tell you anything! You are all great family..... Thanks!

[Meld256]

I know how hard it must be not to jump and make them do things we way we want!

I'm glad your faith will be able to help you, even though sometimes it's hard to give up our own worries.
Yes, we can discuss anything at all here.  I am very grateful for that, too.

Take care and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Melinda

[12lovehim]

I am so glad that I'm not the only one having issues with children. And I understand so deeply. My baby who I was close to in my illness (and almost 20 but still just 19) dumped his girlfriend since his sophomore year in hs (who was like a daughter to us, Just 4 weeks ago. Fell inlove with an exchange student from India lefT his 3rd year of college and went to do the sit-in with her and the other wall street people. (We worry because he's a diabetic) then crazy kid married this girl I have never met 2 days ago! Now he just lost his medical insurance and a hundred other little mommie things.
   
So I share to say I understand feeling almost betrayed, I understand worrying 4 the grandchildren. And I understand the pain and stress of being tossed another curve ball outside of this disorder.