I enjoyed a trip to see family!

[Meld256]

Just a bit of good news to report.   

I've been gone a few days to Ohio from SE Kentucky.  When my husband and I moved here 3 years ago, I hated leaving the area where my elderly father and my daughter live but I wasn't ill then.  A four+ hour drive was no problem!  I planned on visiting about once a month, but that hasn't happened since all my "issues" began in 2009.  So I'm not able to get there nearly as often as I'd like.

I'd been planning on going soon anyway.  My dear MIL called over the weekend and asked me to go to the same area because sadly, a good friend of hers suddenly passed away.  She didn't want to travel to the funeral alone; I told her of course I would go.  Her friend was a lovely lady with 3 grown daughters and 6 grandchildren to whom she was devoted.  I feel so badly for them, knowing the loss of your mother myself.  It's never easy no matter how old you are or how old your Mom is.  So the beginning of our trip was a sad one.

The positive was that I got to spend a whole day with my daughter, who will be 23 next month. She and her husband are expecting their first baby, so I will be Grandma!!  They are so happy.  They both went to her first real ob/gyn appt. yesterday and had a sonogram and got to see the little heartbeat flickering on the screen at 9 weeks.  She is so cute...watching everything she does and eats.  Reading everything.  She's nauseous, her boobs hurt and she can't get into her skinniest jeans (size 5) now, but she's estatic.  I'm so happy for them both.    

I also got to spend time with my father, who is 95!  He lives in a wonderful retirement community and recently moved into a dementia unit.  I was a bit hesitant because the last time I spoke to him on the phone he really didn't know who I was and ended our call when I told him I loved him with "Thank you for calling" like I was a business associate.  That was difficult.

[Meld256]

I'm "long-winded" this morning...
Dad knew me and my daughter and dug out old pictures of the two of them together.  At holidays, everyday stuff and it was nice.  He seemed more coherant than the last time I saw him in person, and told his old stories, sometimes twice and asked me over and over where I live now, and what my last name is.

He seems happy. He told us how now he needs more help and a nurse comes to get him dressed in the morning, and he assumes they undress him at night because he wakes up in pajamas.  He bragged on the housekeeper who cleans "up a storm" and he can always ask what's going on because he knows he can't remember things.

He hasn't lost his sense of humor. He's been "on a mission" to find a new wife since my mother passed in 2007.  He's asked two women to marry him, but he can't remember which one said yes, so he knows he'll be in trouble if he shows up to marry the wrong one.  Of course, for various reasons, there'll be no wedding, but if he likes to think so, we let him.     For those who have dealt with parents in this situation, I know you understand.  It can be heartbreaking and also funny at times.  We just gotta love them the way they are now, and enjoy the good moments together.

[A66eyroad]

Melinda, it sounds like you had a great time! So satisfying to see your baby all grown up, and with a baby of her own on the way! I love the way you talked about how happy she is, and what great care she's taking of herself (and the baby!).

I always love reading your posts. They show me again how caring and compassionate you are, and strengthen my resolve to also be as kind as possible.

[Meld256]

A66ey,

I always enjoy your posts, too.  This is a happy time with the baby on the way.  I had a mini-meltdown (with tears) when I gave my little momma the last hug and drove off.  Leaving my dear Daddy was hard, too. I WILL be going to visit more often!

[Cheryl]

Meld,
I'm so glad your trip turned out to be enjoyable.  It's wonderful that your dad was having a good day and knew both of you.  You obviously had a great visit with your daughter, and you helped your MIL through a hard time.  You must be exhausted, but what a good kind of tired that is! 

Congratulations on the coming grandchild!
Hugs,
Cheryl

[Cricket]

Meld

Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story.

It made me think of when my 1st granddaughter came into this world, she will be 11 yrs. old on the 5th of this month.  Her and I have such a special relationship, for as big as she is she still curls up in my lap and it is a perfect fit.  You will have so many great times ahead to look forward too with your daughter and grandbaby....Oh and Congratulations!!!!

I am happy that you got to see your daddy on a good day.  Cherish him as I can tell you do.  Like you said about your mom once they are gone it is never the same.  I miss my daddy and mommy so much.

I hope you are not having a flare from your trip so take some extra time for yourself you deserve it.  Thanks for sharing.    Cricket

[Bucky]

Meld,

Even though you went to Ohio for a sad reason for your MIL, I'm glad you got to have some happy moments with your family there.  I'm sure your MIL is grateful that you could go along with her.

I'm glad you had a good visit with your Dad and that he knew who you and your daughter were.  My late MIL had dementia too and even though it was difficult for us when she would repeat and repeat things over and over within a few minutes of each other - it didn't change who she was on the inside.  I don't know if this is the case for your Dad, but for Chris, at least she was consistent with her stories.  She would say the same exact story each time.  On occasion she would say, "I just said that, didn't I?" . . . it's sad to see a once vibrant, active lady get lost in her thoughts.

I enjoyed the part where your Dad has asked one of the ladies to marry him - but didn't know which one said yes.   

I'm sure you were excited to see your daughter and share in the excitement of her journey that is just beginning on her becoming a Momma too.  Once she becomes a Mom herself, she will understand why you have worried and fussed about her throughout her life.  Having children of your own really changes how you view your childhood and the decisions your parents made.

Relax this weekend and recoup from your travels.  Hope your Sjogren's behaved on your trip for you. 

Bucky

[Meld256]

I am tired but not as much as I expected.  We had lots of walking and climbing up steps on Tues., and more steps and walking through the cemetary in the rain Wed.  I was asleep, snoring at 11 p.m. every night!

Thurs. morning I got up and felt so tired and achey, but it didn't last too long. I think a pitstop at a special Cincinnati bakery for some danish helped! 

It can be hard to see someone once so strong and quick-witted become a small, old man in a wheelchair who doesn't know where he lives. But glimpses of the old wit are still there, and for that I'm thankful. Big brown eyes still with a wink. Dad asked our daughter what she thought of her Grandpa still "courting" at his age.  She said, "I say go for it, Grandpa!"

It is exciting to share in my daughter's happiness. She and her husband will be good parents. They are already the beloved "aunt and uncle" to their friends' children, so at least they know a little of what they're in for! 

Cricket, thanks for sharing about your 1st granddaughter. That is a special bond that you have.  Yes, I cherish the good moments with Dad, and the fact that even though he's not the same, I still have him around.

My MIL and I make a good pair.  When she wasn't ready to enter the funeral home, I told her I know this is hard but suppose we need to go in.  She told me the same when I hesitated to get out of the car to see Dad.   

[eyeamdry]

WooHoo for a wonderful trip and all the good times!  Lucy

[smallfry]

Dear Melinda

What a lovely trip you had, and soon to be Grandma you are in a wonderful time of your life, sometimes i wish all 5 of my grand children were baby's again just so I can hold them.
Your Dad sounds to be a wonderful man.
Glad you had such a great trip.
Cheryl

[engy]

Awesome! I'm so glad you made the trip to O.H.I.O!!

You were there for 3 people that needed you & got so much in return, bless you!

Congrats to you and your daughter & son-in-law 

I put myself through college working in an alzheimers unit of a nursing home. Funny & sad times both but that's the way life is. My grandfather is the same way but my aunt is still caring for him. He doesn't remember my name any more but recognizes me as someone important. He will always be important to me even if he doesn't know me at all. I feel lucky to have the interactions I still do with him especially since I lost my dad when I was 17.

I'm sure it was bittersweet all the way around- your family sounds wonderful!

Thanks for sharing, Carie

[Patze]

Aw Meld, I'm glad that you had a good trip and that your dad and daughter are doing well (love your dads sense of humor).  And congrats on the good news from me too!


Patze

[Meld256]

Thanks Lucy, engy, smallfry and Patze 

Good grief, my Dad's humor: it's where my brother, sister and I get our sarcasm.  I was the youngest child who always lived closeby my parents.  Me and my husband or one of the kids would visit them about every week or two.  If it was longer than that, he let me know! 
He'd answer the door and look at us.  (this was back when his memory was fine)  We would stand there while he'd say, "Do I know you?...  You look familiar but I can't quite place you. You look like someone I've seen before" while we rolled our eyes and my Mother was telling him to quit being silly and let us in! 

I would drive the 30 minutes to their house, pick them up and go to church on Sunday mornings. Once I was running late (which he hated!).  We were going to be on time, just not as early as he wanted.  Mom got in the car, chatting away, and he got in, said nothing, not a word, til we were almost there. This was about 10:15 a.m. and he finally said calmly "Perhaps we'll make the evening service."    Gotta love 'em.

[Still in the hunt]

Couple of more hours you could have made it to western Pa,, I could have showed you around a bit,, make that part of your bucket list

[Meld256]

Thanks, Still in the hunt.    Maybe I'll make western PA a part of my bucket list. 

I don't have a "bucket list" yet of things I want to do before I die, but I think it must include a trip to the Hershey chocolate factory!!