Mom

[Narablueeyes]

How are YOU doing Lighthouse?  I'm so sorry your mom is having to live with this and I know it must be an awful strain on you.

[lighthouse33]

The nurse left sick this morning.  She threw up before she left.  She was supposed to call when she got home but hasn't, mom is all in an uproar.  The nurse is probably trying to decide what to do, whether to call in somebody else to work or not.  It's really like she's been working two jobs, taking care of her mother and my mom.  I'm prepared for a temper tantrum from mom if dad has  to call in a new nurse.  Will see what my parents and the nurse decide.

As for me, I'm doing okay, all things considered.  A lot of daily pain.  My brother and his wife are coming next week for four days.  Thank goodness my dad rented them a home to stay in, so that they won't be staying here.  If they were it would be ten times worse.  Still a lot of stress that we don't need. 

[Chickpea]

Try to look after yourself over the holidays, even if you just grab a 5 minute break and enjoy the peace and quiet.

You'll be in my thoughts - Chickpea

[lighthouse33]

The nurse is back.  She had to go to the ER and get a shot for some kind of virus she had.  Luckily, noboby here got it. 

The two days she was gone mom worked dad and I like dogs.  Cleaning up for my brother's arrival this afternoon.  I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open, my neuropathy has reared up, I can barely move and the icing on the cake was the arrival of the monthly visitor last night.  No sleep last night either.

Now, I'm supposed to entertain, go out to dinner three nights in a row etc. etc. Put on a happy face.  Don't know how I am going to do it. 

[Narablueeyes]

Lighthouse, you CAN say no.  You come first.  Period.  End of discussion.  You are no good to anyone if you run yourself into the ground.  You matter.

[lighthouse33]

I could say no but the price would be pretty high.  Mom has made my life a living nightmare for seven months and she could double that if I don't do what I'm told to do. 

This afternoon we were all sitting in the family room talking (brother, brother's wife, mom and dad and I) and the cat was on my lap and I was petting him.  Mom said to me in a snotty tone - "What are you going to do with all that hair you are raking up - throw it on the floor?"  And I said very nicely no I'm going to put it in my other hand but I just didn't want to touch it yet.  So I got up and threw it out and then got the brush and gave my cat a nice massage.

And the dumb move of the day came about shortly afterward when my dad suggested that he take the brother and wife to their rental home.  Well mom wanted to go too.  So here we go take off down the road with no oxygen which I thought was a terrible idea but I kept my mouth shut.  Then the house had a huge set of steep stairs leading up to the front door.  Mom only had slippers on and dad helped her up and got her through the door.  It was no more than a minute or two and mom was demanding to go back home.  She couldn't breathe, wouldn't say so, but I knew that was it.  My sister-in-law looked at me and asked me what the problem was and I said "oxygen."  My brother got her back down to the car safely and now she is sleeping on the couch.

[Carolina]

Darling Lighthouse,

You are living in a nightmare.

My heart goes out to you.

Hang on, hang on.

This too shall pass.

Hugs

Elaine

[lighthouse33]

Mom is now down to 110 pounds.  Thursday, she refused to go to the hospital.  She complained to my dad of not feeling well this morning and he told her that nothing could be done as they can't see the doctor.  She has an appointment with him Tuesday. 

Eventually, I feel they will admit her and surgically insert a feeding tube.

I sent dad an e-mail telling him that the nurse told me that mom could live another year in this condition.  And what were we going to do about meals etc.  Mom is mean and abusive and I will not go in the kitchen with her.  So, he has been doing the cooking iwth her.

Dad was mad when he found out some of the conversations I had been having with the nurse.  He told the nurse he knows that mom has been mean to me for some time and he doesn't know what to do about it.  Well, he could put a stop to it very easily if he wanted to.

[lighthouse33]

Now I have been instructed not to be talking to the nurse.  She was the only friend I had.  Dad gets out almost every day by hitting balls, running errands etc whereas I am stuck here.

I had to listen to my brother and his wife give us advice on how to get mom to eat.  What do they think we can force food and water down her throat!  Then they went into the speil about his wife's sister being diagnosed with osteoporosis at age 25 and it is all her fault because she will not exercise.  And people who are chronically ill for 30 years (of course they are referrring to me because they still think I will live to be 80) it's all their fault because of something they have or haven't done in their lives.  If only I would exercise, things would be better.  Like mother, like son and daughter-in-law.

They keep feeding mom the lie that they are going to move here.  Said they were going to look at properties while they were here and how they had sold two of their three houses.  Baloney!

[lighthouse33]

The one bright spot is that I quit my organizational job I had.  Mom will be furious when she finds out.  But I just can't deal with her and the job too.  This will really lift a load off my shoulders. 

I can truly say that my body has finally shut down.  All I want to do is sleep, have a sore throat, dry mouth and eyes and everything aches.  Neuropathy is terrible.

Mom threw a fit on Christmas Eve and made me clean a room for two hours.  That was the final nail.  Then we had a bat in the house that same night.  I heard all the commotion but was too tired to go down.  Dad called some help in and they pluged a hole in the track lighting where they think it got in and it disappeared back in the attick.  Dad called a removal company to come out. 

He came up later to check on me and wanted to know if I knew about the bat.  I was already in bed.

[Carolina]

You know Lighthouse,

Honestly, this is a tragedy, but it could almost read as a weird and wacko comedy!

The bat?  The Kitchen fights?  The in-laws with snarky things to say?  eeeeek.

You are amazing, girl.  Amazing.

Hang in there.  Talk to whom you want!

Keep us posted.

You are stronger than you think, I honestly believe this.

Hugs

Elaine

[Carebear]

Dear Lighthouse,

In spite of all you are going through, I can still hear the "spunk" in your writing.  As Elaine said, you are a very strong lady.  I know I couldn't manage what you have endured.

When I read that there was a bat in the kitchen, I thought maybe you were going to tell us you hit someone with it.     Just teasing!  It was the wrong kind of bat. 

Hang in there, friend.  And if I were you, I would keep talking to the nurse.  You just don't have to tell your dad or mom that you are.  I don't normally suggest hiding the truth, but you need her friendship.  That's what I think anyway.  Take care.

[susanep]

Lighthouse I was just reading this thread, and I am so sorry for all you are going through. Life sure can be hard. I will pray for you and your family. Get rest when you can.

susanep

[Chickpea]

Hi Lighthouse

It must have been a hard decision to quit your job but it seems to me it was asking more of you than you're able to give at the moment.  Enjoy the lightness of your shoulders without that extra burden!  Do you have other things that enable you to get out of the house regularly? 

Carebear's right - you have to keep talking to the nurse.  Maybe you could tell her that you've been ordered not to, so you need her to keep it confidential?  We're always happy to hear what's happening but nothing beats another human being right there with you, and someone who can see what's going on.

Sometimes it sounds as though your family are auditioning for roles in a soap opera, or think they are in a novel by Dickens!

Hope this year brings you more peace and happiness.

Thinking of you - Chickpea

[lighthouse33]

I am really scared this morning.  Mom said that she can feel fluid moving around in her chest.  I said something to both mom and dad that maybe it could be pneumonia.  No reply from either of them.  If it's not that then it could be congestive heart failure.

I read the nurse's notes from last night and it indicated that her leg is swollen.  Maybe it's a kidney issue again. 

In my opinion she should go to the hospital but she has already told dad that she doesn't want to go back there again. 

So I will just watch whatever unfolds.  It's Saturday, laundry day.  Keep myself occupied.