My mom and my physical therapist are fighting

[lighthouse33]

I started physical therapy last week.  When I got home I mentioned to my mom that the therapists thinks I need to use a cane.  Mom flipped out!  I'm around you 24/7 and you do not have a balance problem and don't need a cane!  You tell her that.  The only thing that is wrong with you is you need to get off your butt and you need to see a psychiatrist. 

So, today I told the therapist about mom flipping out about the cane.  She had me do a test with the cane.  Walking down the hall and stepping over pieces of tape.  Well my left leg went funny going over two of them.  She said show your mom that!  I told mom that she said the cane would help take the pressure off my legs from the neuropathy and eyes and mind and would make it less work for me.  Mom said okay we will get the cane and throw it in the closet.  I'lll let you know when you need a cane.  Therapist said it would just be for when I go away from home. 

By the way I did my land exercises but it was tough.  I used the sitting stairmaster on the granny setting!

[CAT1962]

First of all, your therapy sessions are between you and the therapist. The therapist is the professional and knows best, wanting what's best for you, I am sure. Tell your mom you need one, want one, are getting one (cane). If you can't get one, I bet your therapist can direct you. Sweet hugs...I hope it works out. Family GARBAGE really stinks! (Going through some now.)

Blessings,
CAT

[Scottietottie]

Hi

Your mother is obviously in total denial. Nobody wants to see their 'kid' sick. A kid is always a kid to a parent however old they actually are.
Either that or your mother assosciates canes with age - and if you have a cane - how old does that make her??

Some people express worry as anger. (I used to if a kid got lost in a shop or something. Instread of hugging them when they came back safe - I used to yell at them. I'm not saying that;'s reasonable but it's true)

Would it be possible to get the therapist to write down the resons that you need a cane - and the consequences if you don't have one. Or write a letter yourself and see if the therapist would sign it to back you up.

If your therapist says you need a cane - you need a cane.

Take care - Scottie 

[Sha]

OMG! Seriously, poor girl!! I hear ya on using a cane...i have mine right next to my exercise equipment....tell your mom that! I am 35 and never know if I am going to be able to exercise or need my cane...it is hour to hour and can change fast with my joints!! Just one wrong move and out comes that darn cane!

you can get em anywhere...i got mine at walmart for  like 10 bucks. It isn't gonna break her if ya don't use it, but would help ya in the long  run!

How old are ya?

That made me so mad to hear she said it was basically in your head and your being lazy...or did i missread that? So not fair when peeps say that stuff and don't have a clue why we are able to do some things, but the next day...those some things may have changed cuz of the new pains we have that day! AAAAHHHHHHGGGGG! Blah!

Good luck sweetheart!

Sha

[lighthouse33]

Thank you for all your replies.

Sha,

I'm 47 soon to be 48.  No, you didn't misread her.  That's what I thought too. 

Scottiedoodle,

Good idea about the letter.  I did think that I would have her write up somthing at the end and at least give it to my dad.

I think she does associate canes with age because she said something like if I need a cane what must her and my dad need at their ages.  They are 73 and 72.  Her reasoning is that if I start out now with one I will become too dependent.  Tried to explain that I wouldn't be using it to walk I would be using it to take some of the stress load off my body caused by all of my conditions, nueropathy, Sjogren's, poor eyesight etc. 

[Joe S.]

Sjogren's does bring with it balance problems I have been told by a neuro.

[Crymeariver]

Tell your mom you have 2 choices - a cane or a walker.  Ask which one she would prefer that you use?  I'm sure the cane will seem a lot better to her   

[irish]

You are seeing the physical therapist and don't need a psychiatrist.

Your mom on the other hand is not seeing a therapist and maybe needs one! Hope I wasn't too "nasty" about that. Your mom isn't the one who could fall and hurt themselves.

Maybe she isn't able to take all the information. It might be some denial plus it could be that she is having trouble with too much information to process. That can happen as we age. Sometimes the less we tell a parent the better off we are. We can always talk to them and just skirt the edges with the information. I worked in long term care for 25 years and the way an older person thinks and relates is not always the way a 40 year old thinks. Just ask me cause I am 68. Irish

[quietdynamics]

And a sassy 68 you are...Irish 

[lighthouse33]

Another thing my mom said was that we have a friend here who has had MS for 25 years.  My mom said she is worse off than me and she doesn't use a cane!  She even plays golf occassionally.  If she doesn't need one I don't either!  

I've done quite a bit of research over the past couple of days.  Have even printed some things out that I may or may not share with mom.  She always says I read too much.  Anyway here are some of the websites:

Coming Around To Using A Cane - Scroll down to Page 7

http://www.neuropathy.org/site/DocServer/Issue_33_May_09_.pdf?docID=2022

http://www.msworld.org/forum/showthread.php?t=108364

http://ms.about.com/od/livingwellwithms/f/canes.htm

http://hubpages.com/hub/The-First-Time-Using-a-Cane

http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=16&m=910806

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3939/is_200102/ai_n8946956/

If a cane would help with my fatigue and pain I don't know why she would be against it especially when I don't have a problem with it.

[lighthouse33]

Well, I may be one step closer to getting a cane.  I had the therapist take a sample of the cane she wants me to get out to the waiting area and show it to my dad.  In the car he asked me what I thought about the cane and I told him that if it took some stress off my body and kept me from getting so fatigued plus kept me from falling then I didn't have a problem with it.  Therapist wants me to go right away and get one but we have a sick person here that needs to be taken care of so it may be longer than that.  And then I have to deal with my mom.  Oh boy!

[Joe S.]

Page 7 was interesting.

[newhorizons]

lighthouse33 ,TELL YOUR MOM YOU ARE A DADDY'S GIRL...TO LEAVE YOU ALONE!!!  

And, btw, I'm 68 and I'd deserve a go to H... from one of my kids if I exhibited such behavior as your mother is... and, my daughter has SS...thanks to mom's side of family and now me passing it on to my kid!!!      

Joy's not always a Joy...Ask my kids, they're all in their forties!!!!   As is their spouses...

Enough said...

P.S. You have my permission to show this post to your mother.

[hikerknees]

Hi lighthouse33,

So you know that since I'm a physical therapist AND have Sjogren's I just had to weigh in on this one (and yes, I will post a profile today so prepare to be bored).

1. We PTs use some fairly objective tests to determine a person's fall risk; looking at ways to help reduce joint wear and tear and energy expenditure during walking is a little more subjective however is still based on objective data about your gait pattern, range of motion, strength, reflexes, etc.  We don't make recommendations about "ambulatory aids" (ie canes, braces, etc), lightly, but we are usually conservative--once we identify a fall risk or a way to reduce wear and tear, we are pretty obligated to make those recommendations.  I don't know what kind your therapist recommended however you may also consider, since you don't want to use it all the time, a collapsible or folding cane.  Then you can use it like you do an umbrella--carry it as insurance it won't rain!

2. You can get a copy of their evaluation and show your mom, however I don't think it would help.  I work with kids and would like a nickel for every time a parent has told me their child would walk when they are ready, no matter how much data I give them.  Denial and anger are great ways to push against fear. Perhaps what you are seeing with your mom is simply her desire that you be ok, and as other people are suggesting, she sees a cane as a symbol that you aren't.  I never argue with people about it, they will accept it when they are ready, or not. 

3.  Which leads me to my Sjogren's link.  I currently look as healthy as I ever have, and most of the time I am. However I can relate to the sudden need for extra support, sometimes from feeling weak, sometimes dizzy.  Don't put yourself at needless risk, even though people think you are being too dependent or lazy or whatever.  Only you are experiencing what you are experiencing.  It doesn't mean you can't play golf if you also occasionally use a cane.   Given what you describe, it may actually give you enough support that you'll have the extra energy you need to play!  I now use a "hiking pole" i.e. cane, when I hike.  I would much rather be outdoors in the wilderness, walking, than sitting inside.  You might also think of it as a fashion statement.

Hugs

[lighthouse33]

Thank you for all the reponses.

Hi hikerknees,

Welcome to the forum.  You gave me a lot of insight in to how a physical therapist works. 

By looking on the Internet I believe what she is recommending is called an offset handle cane.  Search "north shore care canes" for a picture

She also recommended that I get an orthopedic handle because I have arthritis.  We have a pharmacy here that is really great.  They sell shoes, canes, most everything so I would go there to get fitted.  She said I should try some out and pick out the one I like best.

She wants me to use the cane when I go out places and at night when I am tired.  Otherwise, I don't have to use it at home.

Getting it in the house won't be too bad, the big fight will come when I want to take it out in public.