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2011 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . .

Started by Bucky, February 07, 2011, 04:11:20 PM

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Bucky

#45
March 21, 2011, 09:19:47 AM
Daisy - cute!  So, if it was a septic system - what was the vault you saw? 

Martha's Way vs My Way  (taken from my files)


Martha's Way #15.  Cure for headaches.  Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead.  The throbbing will go away.

My way:  Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem isn't the headache anymore, it is because you are now blind.


Bucky
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Daisy1234

#46
March 21, 2011, 01:45:36 PM
Hi Bucky.  Just to answer your question....  The old concrete septic tanks look vault-like when they are in the ground. 

Glad you enjoyed the joke, and thanks for this thread, it has brought me many smiles.   :D

Bucky

#47
March 24, 2011, 05:23:57 PM
The Arrogance of Authority

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas, and talked with an old rancher.  He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there . . . ," as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this badge?!  This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish . . . On any land!!  No questions asked or answers given!!  Have I made myself clear . . do you understand?!!"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull . . . .

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety.

The officer was clearly terrified.

The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs . . .

(I just love this part . . . )

"Your badge, show him your BADGE . . .!!"


;D   ;D   ;D
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Bucky

#49
April 13, 2011, 11:31:58 AM
At income tax time, did you ever notice:

When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells "THEIRS"?!!

::)   ::)   ::)

Bucky

P.S.   Hope everyone is either done, or wrapping up their 2010 income tax filing - time is running out.
Come sit a spell and join in live chat - we serve non-fattening, zero calorie goodies while discussing all kinds of things.  ;D

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Bucky

#50
April 26, 2011, 07:40:18 AM
A gem sent to me . . . . .


As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room.

Never having seen anyone breastfeed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing.

After mulling over my answers, she remarked, "My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them."



The innocence of kids . . . ya got to love it!!   :D

Bucky
Come sit a spell and join in live chat - we serve non-fattening, zero calorie goodies while discussing all kinds of things.  ;D

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Bucky

#51
April 27, 2011, 09:38:39 AM
Sent to me . . .


I just wanted you to know I have entered the snapdragon part of my life.

Part of me has snapped . . . . . .

and the rest of the me is draggin'!!

;D

Bucky
Come sit a spell and join in live chat - we serve non-fattening, zero calorie goodies while discussing all kinds of things.  ;D

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Katybarstool

#52
April 27, 2011, 01:46:23 PM
Fantastic Mrs Bucky!

Kathyx

Bucky

#53
April 28, 2011, 04:14:43 PM
Some more from my files . . . . .

I don't have hot flashes, I have short, private vacations in the Tropics.   :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.   :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky
Come sit a spell and join in live chat - we serve non-fattening, zero calorie goodies while discussing all kinds of things.  ;D

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dainbramage

#54
April 28, 2011, 05:57:06 PM
I don't know if anyone else has this problem, but you are going along and working and getting money in the bank...life looks good then
WHAMAir conditioner, washer or dryer, car, health..............Murphy's Law: you can't have anything because it will be taken away... ::)

kimbo

#55
April 28, 2011, 07:00:26 PM
Bucky  ;D

A snapdragon could be our sjoggie Mascot.
Diagnosed March of 2007. SJS/ RA Positive at 80  International-SSA strongly positive at 811-SSB 273
ANA positive at 1:1280
Hashimoto's
Gabapentin, propanol, Celebrex, Synthroid, Cytomel, vitamin D, B complex, Omega 3 complex, and multi vitamins; At 62, I seem to be a low maintenance sjog

Bucky

#56
April 29, 2011, 10:04:14 AM
Received this one yesterday . . . .


A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.

He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately, the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.

Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD.

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful (insert hair color of choice here - for this post, we'll use blonde  ;)) blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."

The blonde says, "Don't worry,"  She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.  She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.

The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another ten feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.  He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can?  What did you spray on the Easter Bunny?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says . . . . . . . .

(Are you ready for this?)

(Are you sure?)

(You know you're gonna be sorry.)

(OK, here it is)

It says,

"Hair Spray - restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."

Happy Easter!!


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dainbramage

#57
April 29, 2011, 06:03:50 PM
Bucky I still wasn't ready for that  ;D ;D ;D
good one

kimbo

#58
April 30, 2011, 08:39:39 PM
Too funny LOL!
Diagnosed March of 2007. SJS/ RA Positive at 80  International-SSA strongly positive at 811-SSB 273
ANA positive at 1:1280
Hashimoto's
Gabapentin, propanol, Celebrex, Synthroid, Cytomel, vitamin D, B complex, Omega 3 complex, and multi vitamins; At 62, I seem to be a low maintenance sjog

Bucky

#59
May 05, 2011, 01:54:21 PM
Nurses Revenge

A bigshot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital.  He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees.  None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him.  She walked into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer."

This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something.  Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out.  He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing.  After almost an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room.

"What's going on here?"  asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc?  Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken before?"

After a pause, the doctor replies, "Yes, but never with a daffodil!"

;D   ;D   ;D   ;D

Bucky . . . . . (thought all our nurses here would like this one  :D)
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