2011 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . .

[Katybarstool]

Bucky

That's soooo funny 

Kathyx

[irish]

Bucky, A daffodil you say! Oh that is such a hoot. Just imaging it.............................................. ::)Irish

[dainbramage]

Do you know how many doctors and bigwigs I would love to do that toooooo,,, YOUTUBE!

[Bucky]

Here's some "Mom" stuff I received in an e-mail.


MOMS - answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

What kind of little girl was your mom?

1.  My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.

2.  I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3.  They say she used to be nice.


What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1.  His last name.

2.  She had to know his background.  Like is he a crook?  Does he get drunk on beer?

3.  Does he make at least $800 a year?  Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?


Why did your mom marry your dad?

1.  My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world.  And my mom eats a lot.

2.  She got too old to do anything else with him.

3.  My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.


Who's the boss at your house?

1.  Mom doesn't want to be the boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.

2.  Mom.  You can tell by room inspection.  She sees the stuff under the bed.

3.  I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.



What's the difference between moms and dads?

1.  Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.

2.  Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3.  Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you go to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.


If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?

1.  She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean.  I'd get rid of that.

2.  I'd make my mom smarter.  She she would know it was my sister who did it, not me.

3.  I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

[Meld256]

Love it, Bucky!! 

I think my favorite is what a mom needs to know before marrying dad: Does he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?  Thank goodness I found one of those dads.    (And his dear momma had a lot to do with that) 

[Bucky]

(from my files)

While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. 

As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent.

Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair.

Placing his hand on the man's, he said, I know how you feel.  My mom makes me ride in the stroller too!

[Bucky]

Two chuckles I found after I finished my Popsicles tonight.   

What is a pig's favorite karate move?

A pork chop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What did Mr. & Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter?

Patty

[Scottietottie]

I can't usually remember jokes but here's one I heard today:

A father wanted to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. He went into a toy shop and didn't realise how many different kinds of Barbies there were. He looked at "Beach Barbie" "Party Barbie" "Country Barbie" " College Barbie" and then he spotted "Divorce Barbie"  He noticed that most of the barbies were priced at ?9.99 but that the "Divorce Barbie" cost more than ?200.

"Why is that doll so much more expensive?" He asked the salesperson.

"Ah - well you see - "Divorce Barbie" comes with Kens house, Ken's car, Ken's horse and even Ken's mate"  she replied.   

[Ohiocat]

It was time to shear the sheep and the three brothers were hard at work.  The two older brothers decided to make a race out of the process.

Each of them were trying to get their share of the sheep done before the other one.  The youngest brother then had the job of taking the wool and placing it inside the barn.

As the older brothers raced, the youngest brother said, I want to race too.  To see if I can get my job done before you do.  The older brothers looked at each other, but decided to humor the youngest and said okay, he could race also.

So after hours of work, the oldest brothers finished up while the youngest brother took this last set into the barn.  The two oldest brother began to argue as to who had finished first.  The youngest brother came out of the barn and told them it did not matter - because HE had won the race.

And then he lead them into the barn to see all the wool, and one sheep that still needed to be done.  The youngest brother had won the race.

[Bucky]

    CURTAIN RODS --- PRICELESS

     On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

     On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

     On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table, by candlelight, she put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring water.

     When she'd finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow center of the curtain rods.

     She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

     On the fourth day, the husband came back with his new girlfriend, and at first all was bliss.
     
     Then, slowly, the house began to smell.

     They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.  Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!

     People stopped coming over to visit.

     Repairmen refused to work in the house.

     The maid quit.

     Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.

     Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

     Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

    Then the ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

     Knowing she could have no idea how bad the smell really was, he agreed on a price that was only 1/10 th of what the house had been worth ... but only if she would sign the papers that very day.

     She agreed, and within two hours his lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.

    A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ....and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!

     I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

[hikerknees]

Oh Bucky, where do you get these, that was too awful, I'm afraid I laughed out loud!

[jordozmom]

We have a place downtown that sells funny wall signs - here are some of my favorites:

"Save the Earth...it is the only place that has wine and chocolate."

"Children left unattended will be given espresso and a free kitten."

"My Indian Name is She Who Buys Many Shoes."

"My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines."

"This kitchen is closed due to illness, I'm sick of cooking."

[Bucky]

From my files . . . .

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

   

[hikerknees]

OK, things have been kinda sad around here lately so I went and looked up this oldie but goodie.  It is worth a second laugh and goodness knows you can't ever laugh too much!


Subject: Fw: Banned from Walmart


This is why women should not take men shopping against their
will. DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO...........



After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her
husband accompany her on her trips to WalMart.  Unfortunately, Mr.
Fenton was like most men-- he found shopping boring and preferred to get
in and get out.  Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most
women-- she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following
letter from her local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be
forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.
Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance
cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's c arts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House Wares to go off at
5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in House Wares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
M&M's on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a
carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and
told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he
began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it
as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting departme nt,
he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE
VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least...

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'


Regards,
Walmart

[Bucky]

hikerknees . . . loved that one!!     Thanks!

(Actually, some of those WOULD be fun to do!!  )

Bucky