Relationships and SJS

[sarajaane]

I have SJS. My question is I'm single and occasionaly date. Should I tell the people upfront? Should I wait? I know that we've all been single at some point, suggestions? I just don't know when the right time to bring it up is. I try to schedule around my extreme sweating episodes. lol.

[Cheryl]

Sarajaane,
In my opinion, you shouldn't bombard a guy with this on your first date.   If a long lasting relationship seems to be developing, start telling him about your condition, so that he'll understand when you have a bad day.  If he is understanding about it while you are dating, he scores points!  If he brushes it off as nothing, don't plan to spend your life with him. 

Best wishes in your quest for finding Mr Right!
Cheryl

[cremer]

Totally agree with Carol.

Leave it until you are sure that you want to have a relationship, and then tell him, if he likes you he will listen and accept it.

Best of luck

Mick

[Pisces24]

Unless it is really noticable - why load someone with all your medical problems before you get to know each other.
It would give your date the idea that  you talk about your medical problems all the time non-stop.
Sorry but no one wants to be around a person that is constantly poor me.

Heck get to be good friends first.  Get to know the person's character.

[Patze]

Hi Sara,

Like Cheryl mentions, wait until you know you'd like to have a relationship, then mention it and see what he says (I'm also single, and I've not gotten to the point where I've only mentioned it to one guy).

Good luck and I hope that the relationship works out for you!


Patze

[CAT1962]

I don't think there is any need to tell someone upfront. I would wait.

[Babs659]

I guess it depends on how serious your illness is.  I wouldn't tell him on the first day in any event, but if you are very ill he'll know it anyway.

If you are not very ill, why feel compelled to tell him?  It's not like it's a death sentence.  Sjogren's is pretty mild for some lucky folks.

[valene2009]

i dont date because of my issues with this.. but even when i was healthy a few years back i never
told guys i was dating my business right away.... because you dont know the person and thre is no
reason for you to go through all that stress... not only with revealing health issues but other stuff too..
i am sure all the people you date have their issues too and trust me they wont be bringing them on the 1st or
2nd date... good for you for getting out there and dating.. just enjoy!!!  i hope i can get brave enough
to try and meet someone myself..

[sarajaane]

Valene, you can't let this get you down. You have to try and meet someone. A real man will step up to the challenge. You have this in you!

[harlin]

Sara
I certainly am no athority on this, we have been married for 39 years. I think tho that I would wait until you see if this relationship is going anywhere first. I believe in 'don't ask don't tell' To much info can scare him away. Let him get to know you first then just start out slow. Let him see how you feel.
Best of luck, harlin

[valene2009]

Thanks Sara. I just read your response.. you made me smile..
you are right..this disease isnt going anywhere..at least not yet.. so i shouldnt
let it run my life!! 

[mskittyshell]

I understand valene though - I haven't been interested in meeting anyone in awhile either.  For starters - my teeth are getting so bad from my Sjogren's - just in the past year and a half - and not pretty.  I have to wait until I at least have some new teeth to attempt that.   But also - I have had a couple of bad relationships and I just can't really stand the thought of dealing with a bunch of stress either.  If I could find a nice guy that didn't cause me stress - then that would work maybe - but at this point my health is stressful enough for me.  If you know any nice ones in Oklahoma - I am 48, white, single, have pets, 3 grown kids  AND have Sjogren's, FMS, and PHN (post-herpetic neuralgia from shingles) - I'm sure that will attract a bunch!  hahaha!   I do try to keep my sense of humor about it all though.   Gotta laugh to keep from crying.