Have you ever wished..............

[momof2]

You could trade bodies with your spouse for a day? Let them walk in your shoes? Just one full day.... maybe a day when you need to do 10 different things and then have to make dinner and clean up at the end of the day.

[momof2]

Bummer..... I sound bitter don't I?

[Patze]

Sending you tons of

( ( ( H U G S ) ) )
Momof2, and hope that tomorrow is a better day.

Take care of yourself -

Patze

[momof2]

Actually I had a good day today. But by the end of the day I am so exhausted. And I hurt so much. 

But thank you for the HUG. It helps to know someone understands.

[CAT1962]

Perfectly normal, but mine works nights, so he is just as tired! LOL

[momof2]

I bet he is. Bless his heart.

[eyeamdry]

I think many of us are blessed with supporting/helpful spouses.  Makes me feel bad for those without this.  Lucy

[momof2]

I shouldn't talk bad about him. He really is a good guy.... Hard Hard worker. I think he just doesn't understand. He is one of those guys that will work until the day he dies. He has a hard time sitting still. Always doing something and doesn't understand the need to rest.
It is just going to take him time to come to terms with this. I think he will in time. At least I hope he does.

[Meld256]

Hi momof2,

First I want to welcome you to the forum!   I apologize I didn't see your first post.

And, yes, I have secretly wished my husband could feel what I go through every day just once. So he really can understand. I am blessed because he really tries, so that's all I can expect or hope for.

Hopefully, as you say, your spouse will come to understand your need to rest. With mine, it has taken him about a year that we've gone through this to come to some acceptance about my limitations. We talk about it all fairly often.  I try to understand that since my life has changed so drastically, this has affected his life so much, too.  It's not easy sometimes, but we are committed to working together on it.

Please feel free to ask anything here, vent if you need to and remember that we understand and care! Looking forward to hearing more from you.

Take care,
Melinda

[cremer]

Putting a male perspective into this as well.

When I fell ill in March and was unable to work really put a strain on the household as I was the main wage earner. But my wonderful wife has coped and managed so well. She really is a kingpin and pulls the house together now.

I have been through 3 major heart operations since July and she has been by myside feeling my pain through everyone. Even with all my symptoms of Primary Sjogrens she hasn't complained once.

This has rubbed off on the children and thay have also been very supportive.

I'm so glad I have a great family. So to answer your question, no I wouldn't swap places, thats just too cruel. But I do know what you mean  

[Liz D.]

I have wished to switch places with anyone who doesn't have an illness of some sort.

I just want to see what it feels like to feel 'normal.'  Sometimes, I wonder if I am babying myself too much and that everybody has aches and pains, but they just have more determination than I do.   So if I could switch with someone, maybe I would say, "Wow, I really do feel awful -- I can't believe I get done what I get done!"

Liz D.

[dbab]

momof2,

I totally get where you are coming from.  I have a husband that can keep going also and doesn't understand why I can't.  He knows that I have my illnesses but doesn't understand them.  After all these years, I believe he is still in denial and I believe in my heart is too scared to accept them so in his mind, I am perfectly normal because I don't look sick. 

I have fought inside with this and it puts a big drain on me emotionally because I'm torn inside.  I'm 35 years old which is not someone who (by his definition) who should be laying in bed all day because I'm sure in his mind its viewed as being lazy (especially at my age) so I fight through everything.  I'm very tired but I don't show it plus I work full time as well. 

So yes, I do sometimes - guiltly - wish he could feel what I feel just for maybe 1/2 a day to know but then I'm also afraid to show my weakness, which ironically is my weakness also.

[Carolina]

What an interesting topic!

Of course we can't ever really know what life is like for another person, and vice versa.

it has been so long I can't remember life without generalized and specific pain.

if I could take serious pain meds, perhaps I would have some relief.

I do know that pain that is gone, is pain that isn't well remembered.   I'm grateful it's gone for an hour or a day or two, and then it slips away.

In June I had an intestinal blockage of unknown origin.  Clearly a temporary sort of spasm in my small intestines.

The pain was excruciating, and I finally insisted on going into an emergency room and wound up hospitalized for three days.

Once the abdominal pain was relieved to some extent, I had another horrible pain from the naso gastro tube, which was pressing on my deviated septum and gave me the most horrible pain, like roaring tooth ache.

And of course, no pain meds.

But now that I think of it, I'm not really FEELING the pain, just remembering it.  

So if I can't really identify with my own pain past, I'm not sure anyone can understand someone else's pain.

And the interesting thing is that doctors tell me that I have a HIGH tolerance for my own pain.

So it isn't that I'm a sissy or over reacting to normal body functions, as is often said of people with chronic pain.

Nope, it's real.  It's chronic.  It's my life.

I'm just lucky I don't have to work every day, like so may of you do.  And large meals for my three grandchildren and their parents only happen occasionally and not on a regular basis.

I wish us all a less painful 2011, and all the TLC from our loved ones that we need on a daily basis.

Kisses

Elaine

[MiJoy]

Liz D. I so feel the same way! Sometimes I get so down on myself, thinking that I should just be stronger & try harder. It would be very interesting to see how different "normal" is.
I don't want to wish these problems on anyone, but sometimes I do think that's the only way they'd truly understand.

Momof2, I am extremely fortunate & thankful to have a husband who really does understand. We've been married for 27 years. He knows how I used to be, he knows all the ways I'm hurting & struggling, he knows how I wish I could be. This has taken some time, though. We've had to work at it together. There's so much I haven't even understood myself, so it's sure hard for him to understand no matter how hard he tries. I see a psychotherapist, & sometimes my husband goes with me. Not because we have marital problems, but to help us figure out this difficult road together. I make it more difficult for him sometimes because I tend to keep things in & I can't expect him to read my mind! He's very, very good to me & for me. My 2 children, my mother, & one of my brothers understand pretty well too. Oh, how thankful I am for my sweet family.

Others however, do not get it. I think I'm seen as weak, sickly, depressed, you name it. Even some who've known me for many years, before things got bad.
My favorite (not) comment was from a co-worker who has watched me in 7 years go from a hard working, always there, highly respected & requested teacher to a still hard working, but out all the time, tired all the time when I'm there, not so requested teacher. Her comment was that "her personality is just different from mine, as she's just a very driven person & doesn't have time to get sick." Okie dokie, that explains it.  

I think I'll stick with my family. They get it, thank God, they get it!

[jordozmom]

My ex husband was a lazy bum, which he hid very well until AFTER we were already married.  He basically let me do all the housework (we both worked full time), then we had our son and he let me do all the housework AND take care of the baby, then I was so sick after my son was born until getting a diagnosis of SJS two years later and he STILL let me do everything (again, while I worked full time).  He could care less that I was sick.  We fought about it and fought about it and finally I gave up and threw him out.  Now he's someone else's problem - though I feel badly for her because now I hear how she has to do everything and she's not well, either.   

Luckily, though, my current husband - whom I've been with for 10 years - is FANTASTIC!!!  He really understands and does more than his 50% of everything so I don't have to do it all.  He encourages me to rest and take it easy and take care of myself.  Breath of fresh air, let me tell you!  So I wouldn't trade with him because he understands.  But I have one friend and at least 5 co-workers that I'd like to trade with - only it would have to be for more than one day for them to really get it.  It takes at least a few months or more to realize that you will never, ever feel good again.