What do to with the resentment

[lighthouse33]

I am doing a little better.  Adjusted my dosage of pain killer (tramadol) and when I take it.  Instead of taking iwth dinner I take it an hour afterwords.  Seems to be helping a little.  Was able to watch some TV last night.  Have decided not to delete my shows for now and see how it goes. 

Also, started doing some of the stretches that my neurologist recommended for the neuropathy. 

What shocked me last week was a comment by one of my relatives.  She doesn't believe that I have Sjogren's.  She thinks I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  I tried to explain to her that I have positive blood work results with SSA and SSB and a positive lip biopsy.  She didn't want to hear it.  She's the one that doesn't want to read any Sjogren's books etc so I doubt that she would agree to go talk to my doctor. I guess she is entitled to her opinion even if it is dead wrong.

[navydad]

I am doing a little better.  Adjusted my dosage of pain killer (tramadol) and when I take it.  Instead of taking iwth dinner I take it an hour afterwords.  Seems to be helping a little.  Was able to watch some TV last night.  Have decided not to delete my shows for now and see how it goes. 

Also, started doing some of the stretches that my neurologist recommended for the neuropathy. 

What shocked me last week was a comment by one of my relatives.  She doesn't believe that I have Sjogren's.  She thinks I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  I tried to explain to her that I have positive blood work results with SSA and SSB and a positive lip biopsy.  She didn't want to hear it.  She's the one that doesn't want to read any Sjogren's books etc so I doubt that she would agree to go talk to my doctor. I guess she is entitled to her opinion even if it is dead wrong.

NO MATTER what yout tell your relative he os she isnt going to change there mind on what you have,, so unless you like beating a dead horse,, dont even try to convince her,, just tell her ya you might be right and that you may have CFS ,, let if go at that,,

[marilyn143]

I can honestly understand being resentful I have that problem.I don't resent healthy people.I resent people who push me when I can't go.I resent all the mental drugs I took trying to cure my achey legs all the ambien in the world won't fix fibro I can tell ya.I resent that people don't understand I go without what I need (meds,groceries,laundry) because I don't want to bother them.I resent my crippled crazy deaf mute parents who i still do my best to look after even though I can barely look after myself.I resent that even after getting sober,quitting smoking ,years of therapy i'm still treated by family like my drinking years somehow caused this or deserve it for causing them problems.I resent my daughter beating me up because as a nursing home employee she could determine I was a fake despite all the bloodwork.I most of all resent myself for not ....I don't know.today I am 4 years sober and at 45 years old I'll barely be able to go get my dissability check so I can pay my daughter for raising my son.He is almost 17 and his girl got pregnant and walked away because we have no money.I would gladly go back to working 2 or 3 jobs at a time if it was my fathers will but I guess it is not.Have I given up ,no.I still despite not being able to type much or even leaving home some way I can go to school .I am allergic to narcotics and have tried a very long list of antidepessants but being have yet to have a good match.I used to smoke pot which didn't give me any problems except with the law enforcement types and it sure did help with the anxiety and stiffness.kinda like good hair conditioner smoothes the rough edges for awhile.People usually have opinions about that but since very often they are on way stonger things than I could ever take  I pay little attention.I think my biggest resentment is I can't provide for my son and it hurts worse than anything in the world.his baby was due yesterday and I resent the heck out of my helplessness  and I know down deep he does too.

[navydad]

I can honestly understand being resentful I have that problem.I don't resent healthy people.I resent people who push me when I can't go.I resent all the mental drugs I took trying to cure my achey legs all the ambien in the world won't fix fibro I can tell ya.I resent that people don't understand I go without what I need (meds,groceries,laundry) because I don't want to bother them.I resent my crippled crazy deaf mute parents who i still do my best to look after even though I can barely look after myself.I resent that even after getting sober,quitting smoking ,years of therapy i'm still treated by family like my drinking years somehow caused this or deserve it for causing them problems.I resent my daughter beating me up because as a nursing home employee she could determine I was a fake despite all the bloodwork.I most of all resent myself for not ....I don't know.today I am 4 years sober and at 45 years old I'll barely be able to go get my dissability check so I can pay my daughter for raising my son.He is almost 17 and his girl got pregnant and walked away because we have no money.I would gladly go back to working 2 or 3 jobs at a time if it was my fathers will but I guess it is not.Have I given up ,no.I still despite not being able to type much or even leaving home some way I can go to school .I am allergic to narcotics and have tried a very long list of antidepessants but being have yet to have a good match.I used to smoke pot which didn't give me any problems except with the law enforcement types and it sure did help with the anxiety and stiffness.kinda like good hair conditioner smoothes the rough edges for awhile.People usually have opinions about that but since very often they are on way stonger things than I could ever take  I pay little attention.I think my biggest resentment is I can't provide for my son and it hurts worse than anything in the world.his baby was due yesterday and I resent the heck out of my helplessness  and I know down deep he does too.

Its not your fault,, you have to rememebr that,, it is not your fault,, you got sober,, you tried,, you have tried to mend fences,, YOU HAVE TRIED,, now its time to think about you,, you will be consumed and spit out if you dont start to think about yourself,, I have been down that road, used by parents,, used by siblings,, used by friends,, all becaseu I could not say no,, I still cant at times, and I am treated like I am perfectly capale of scaleing everest, screw that,, even if it means getting a bit loud with people,, you have to start with yourself,, I kow being a mother is tough,, a mothers love is forever, but when you dont get it in return,, it hurts to the soul,, my sons thank goodness look to me as some kind of God,, the guy who can be talked to when they need advice,, but dad is running out of advice, its to hard to think, but I keep trying,, I keep trying to be a dad,, and if this thing kills me in some way,, they will at least kjow I have tried,, you have tried,, you did good,, you stopped drinking and if you smoke pot,, I dont care,, I did,, if it helps, so what,, take this day to start planing a life for you,, invite the others into it,, but if they dont come,, YOU AT LEAST TRIED,

[Meld256]

dear lighthouse,

I'm glad you are doing a little better. If I sounded as if I knew how best to deal with your family in an earlier post, (ya know, like well, just tell 'em and it'll be ok) I apologize! I can't tell anyone how to deal with their stuff since I am still working on mine.  

I think sometimes when we are diagnosed with something unfamiliar(which = scary), friends or family just don't want to deal with it, so they deny. Or they want to insist it might be something else. In an odd way I think it's because they really do care, they just don't want us to have something so difficult to deal with. Of course, I could be totally wrong, since I am quite often!
Anyway, I am glad you are feeling better; I would be interested in learning more about the stretching excercise.

oh, marilyn
So many things you have on your plate, dear! I want to congratulate you on your sobriety. Sounds like you have so many things happening. Just want to let you know there are people here who you can vent to and understand. Yes, as navydad said, You are trying! And start planning to be good to yourself. I send you thoughts and prayers.
Melinda

[flutterfly]

LIGHTHOUSE~HEY THERE! thats part of my RAGE i think! i just plain tell it like it is...ASK MY TWINZIE SHA!

i just went through that feelin' when after over a decade i've had epic porportions of symptoms & NO RELIF OR ANSWERS & MY SISSY GOES IN AFTER A WEEK OF HURTIN & THRUSH & EH SHE GETS US ~BOTH~ A DX W/IN A WEEK ~AND~ A REFERRAL TA RHEUMY IN SEATTLE! what happened ta my 20+ ailments that have no rhymn or reason ta them...the only thing i've got outa all the doc visits is pain pills & fustration! oh & don;t 4get the head tilt/head scratch...ur a hypochondriac look! big red truck peeps anyways!

so yeh i say ta sha~i luva u kid BUT...THATS NOT FAIR! BRATTY BRAT BRAT! (she's been my biggest advocate) so how do i stay mad @ her cause the docs didn't have the ~type 1 diabetes~ catch~all ta blame it on! (she's NOT diabetic) so her symptoms got attention & possible dx!
THATS WHEN THE SAME DOC SAYS OH...HEY...HAVE UR TWIN MAKE AN APPT. W/ME! HER RASH & OTHER AILMENTS MAY BE DUE TA SJOGRENS!

(maybe i should just start sendin' sha ta my apptments & tell her my main complaints & have see if they figure them out!) i'ma gigglin' on the insides!

it's normal ta be fustrated & pissed off w/all u go through...is the response from my hero of a sissy! (YES U R LUVED SHA BEBE)!
(HI JOE...HI NAVYDAD...HI KAMIE)
MUCH LUV TA U~*flutterfly*~xo

[marilyn143]

thank you everyone for the kind words.I'm feeling a bit better today.My daughter and I are working things out and I had my grandson over for the evening.My son is doing as well as he can right now.One good thing about seeing so much of the worlds ugly is you can really appreciate the beauty 

[lighthouse33]

Meld256,

The exercises my nuero gave me are:

1. point your toes
2. lift your leg up and put your foot on your opposite knee

She cautioned me to start out slow at 5 minutes for a week.  She said stretching is as strenous as lifting weights and if you overdue it you might not be able to walk for several weeks.  We also discussed yoga and she said that would be good to do.

[Meld256]

Thank you, lighthouse. 
I will try the stretching excercise. I just naturally stretch around a bit anyway; I hope it helps!

I am planning on joining a local fitness center run by the hospital in the near future where they have a nice heated pool. awwhhh! I learned they have a 50% discount for those at least 55 yrs. of age, so my turning 55 in Feb. will be a good thing.  It will only cost me $25 a mth. so I will save in another area of the budget if needed.
_______________________________________________________________________

marilyn143,
I'm glad to hear things are going a bit better for you. I think I know what you mean about seeing beauty when so many things can be ugly. Please remember you have lots of support here. Take care of yourself, dear.
Blessings,
Melinda