List of things never to agree to again ...

[harrigan]

I was persuaded that it would be 'fine, mum, really!' for the girls and I to spend New Year's Eve with friends and stay over while the boys (23, 22 and 18) had 'a few friends round'.  Why did I not listen to my instincts?

Arrived home at noon to fence panel between our and neighbour's house in bits; washing up piled high; carpets disgusting; and, crowning glory, ring and bracelets on MY bedside table.

I have spent the past few hours cleaning, stripping beds etc.  NOT the way I'd intended spending today and feeling so let down and embarrassed.  Any tips on how to let go of a bad mood.  I'm sitting here all steamed up. Tried bath, sensible chat and silence  but not making progress and don't want to start the year this way ... Ailsa

[Scottietottie]

Oh Ailsa ((((( hugs )))))

Not the best of starts.

Been there - but not at new year. Left a 17 year old home alone one summer. A party resulted with the police being called.

I guess your sons will just have to pay for that damaged fence - and apologise to the neighbours.

The age they are noiw - this is entirely THEIR fault - not yours!!  They should be tidying up too!!  Do you charge them rent/keep?? I didn't charge mine while they were studying but I did as soon as they were working.

Hope the year gets better soon.

Take care - Scottie

[lynnmarie219]

Awwww...I'm sorry for the very rough start to the New Year Ailsa!

At 18, 22, and 23...they should definitely be doing the cleaning and fixing and paying for the repairs not to mention apologizing to you! Im so sorry.....but maybe this is your bad moment and now it will all go uphill from here! 

Hugs to you my friend...

 

[Bucky]

(((Ailsa)))

Let me at those boys, I'll give them what for!!   

I'm so sorry that the boys abused the privilege you gave them to host a party at the house.  I agree that they should have to be cleaning up and repairing or paying someone to repair the fence.

I am constantly telling my 14 yr. old son that when you "choose" the actions, you have to pay the consequences of your actions.

I hope the boys know how you feel about the situation and don't just let it get swept under the rug because Mom will fix everything.  They are old enough to know better and to respect you and your home.  They can have a nice party without acting like boys gone wild!!

I can well understand your frustration at having to spend your New Years Day cleaning, doing laundry, etc. when it wasn't YOU that caused all of this.  I'm sorry.   Maybe, you need to go outside and take a walk and get away from it for a bit.  Make those boys chip in and help!!

Hang in there Ailsa

[Patze]

Hi Ailsa,

I'm also so frustrated for you, you don't need all this extra stress too! 

Oh my, and you cleaned up too?  And they will be paying for all the damage too? 

And I'm in line behind Bucky for giving your boys the what for!  There is no excuse for that. 

Take care of yourself -

Patze

[harrigan]

Girls, thankyou so much!  You have made me feel so much better and the thought of Bucky and Patze giving the 3 of them 'what for' has me chuckling at last!  Thankyou for always being the remedy I need.  It felt good to have my feelings validated, then get me smiling!  I suppose, years down the line I might be telling this to their teenagers.  Not just yet though ... and nobody has owned up to the jewellery on my bedside table yet!   XX Ailsa

[Chickpea]

You poor soul!  I agree with the others that in theory they should do the clearing up but once you're faced with it it's easier just to get on with it.  They should definitely pay for the fence, and possibly also for a deep clean by a professional cleaner?  Or carpet cleaner?  Or could they pay for you to have a relaxing and rejuvenating massage in recompense?

As for the jewelery ... could you contemplate wearing it?  That might embarrass them into naming the owner!

I think the thing I'd mind most is that my bed had been used without anyone thinking how I might feel about it.  That needs to be explained and apologised for. 

Doesn't sound like they'll be having another party any time soon!

Sending you love and hugs - Chickpea

[roetta]

What a horrible thing to come home to! Not just the mess but the fact that you trusted them. That's harder to repair than the fence! I hope they've already started apologizing!! 

I agree with them having to pay for you to go get some rejuvenation after that!

[Katybarstool]

Ailsa

I'm with the other girls - except, I would wonder out loud how much the jewellery would sell for - it might embarrass them enough to cough up for the carpet cleaning etc

Kathyx

[salsen]

Well I am so sorry this happened to you.  The first thing that would make me feel better would be to have a one on one with my son.  Then someone would be covering the cost of the clean-up.   The final thing that would probably make me feel great would be to let them know, so glad you had a wonderful time because it is your one and only fling in my house.  Use the trust wisely or lose it for a very long time. 

I think a lot of us go through this at one time or another with young adults.  It is how you handle the results that changes things. 

[Poochie]

Hi Ailsa,
I'm so sorry you had to have your trust in your boys destroyed.  I too have been through this, not only with my son, but with my grandson also.  It seems to be the nature of boys to stretch their limits.

My son was made to pay every penny it cost to fix our neighbors yard and to right the mess in our home.  My daughter and her husband also made our grandson pay for the mess he made.
Also the mess their daughter at age 17 caused when trusted to watch over things.  Just for one night. 

I'm happy to say none of the above ever did it again and they have turned out to be great people, fathers and aunt. 

I hope you can work this out with your boys and they in turn will work to regain your trust.  Especially the oldest, WHO SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.   Sorry, didn't mean to yell.  That one surpised me.  The teenagers are well known for their stupidity, but your 23 yr. old should have stepped in and straightened them out. 

What did their father say?  Did he talk to them?  This should have been a partnership between the two of you. 

Good luck with future trips.

Hugs, Pooh

[harrigan]

This might sound a cliche but you can't believe how much it helps to know others have gone through this too.  Pooh, it was so good to know your family turned out ok - thankyou for sharing your experiences with me, and Scottie.

We have all sat down and talked and the boys know how I feel about it now.  Yet again I have found that all the things I have to keep hidden from my parents / friends, I can share on here and feel understood.  Thankyou everyone XX Ailsa

ps Chickpea - carpet is cleaned, fence paid for and repaired and bottle of my favourite, Covent Garden bath oil and body butter replaced the jewels on the bedside table! XX

[Katybarstool]

Well done Ailsa - a good result. I bet you are whacked with all this hassle this weekend. Good luck for the new term.

Kathyx

[harrigan]

Thanks Kathy - hope you get off the driveway!  How are the roads now?  It must look even prettier than usual with the snow.  xx Ailsa

[Chickpea]

It sounds as though you dealt with this situation really well, Ailsa.  What a relief to know that this is just a blip and that your boys have quickly returned to being the young men you can be proud of.

The bath oil and body butter sound like a real treat - hope you get time to enjoy them once term's started.

Take care - Chickpea