Laughter is the best medicine . . .

[jordozmom]

Oh Sassie....I am sitting here crying imagining you and the chair.  At least I was in the privacy of my own home - I bet you wanted to die when the officers had to come help you.  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Telling them you didn't want that chair was CLASSIC!  Could you imagine if we worked somewhere TOGETHER?  We'd be like Lucy and Ethel in the candy factory!!!!!

[SassieCat]

Jordozmom - Which one am I, Lucy or Ethlel?  lol

[Bucky]

Going thru my files and found this gem that my Uncle sent me several years ago.


"You are driving in a car at a constant speed.  On your left side is a "drop off'
(the ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on),
and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car
and you cannot overtake it.  Behind you is another galloping horse.
Both horses are also traveling at the same speed as you. 
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?"

                * Get your drunk a** off the merry-go-round! *


                                                 

[Bernice]

This is one that a man was circulating! Got admit it is funny, though!


PROOF THAT MEN DO REMEMBER
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room,
'Why are you down here at this time of night?
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'.
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.
'Yes, I do' she replies.
The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.
'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'
'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,'Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?'
?I remember that too, she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said 'I would have gotten out today

[Katybarstool]

 

I laughed so much at these, my son thinks I have finally cracked up!

Kathyx

[Katybarstool]

This is a little black humour, from someone with a bladder problem:


...in a high church Belfry there lived a colony of bats.

One night two elderly bats were hanging up there discussing World Markets & the value of the Euro,
when the oldest bat turned to the other one,

"D'you know just what I fear most about old age?"

"Whats that then?" said the other.

"Incontinence!"

That was posted on our forum at work and really made me laugh.

Kathyx

[SassieCat]

Going thru my files and found this gem that my Uncle sent me several years ago.


"You are driving in a car at a constant speed.  On your left side is a "drop off'
(the ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on),
and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car
and you cannot overtake it.  Behind you is another galloping horse.
Both horses are also traveling at the same speed as you. 
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?"

                * Get your drunk a** off the merry-go-round! *


                                                 

[SassieCat]

Bucky
Don't know what I was doing wrong but that sure was funny

[SassieCat]

Bernice

After I had to get up and leave the room so I wouldn't wake the hubby up, I came back to tell you I almost choked on the water I was drinking at the time of reading your joke.  Too funny that he would be free........... 

[itssue]

I just want to thank you all for the laughs .

Sue

[Bucky]

Found in my files . . . . 

"Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can't look that old?

Well . . . you'll love this one.

My name is Alice, and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his DDS diploma on the wall, which bore his full name.  Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30 odd years ago.

Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.

This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

Yes, Yes, I did.  I'm a Mustang, he gleamed with pride.

When did you graduate? I asked.

He answered, in 1975, why do you ask?

You were in my class!  I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely.

Then, that ugly,

old,

bald,

wrinkled faced,

gray-haired,

decrepit

son-of-a-gun

asked,

What did you teach??"

LOL

Bucky

[Bernice]

Bucky,
So am I to gather that all those people I have looked at thinking "My they sure have aged since we were young and in school together" is looking at me and thinking the same or worst of me???
Oh, my! Cus some of them be looking like Moses after his meeting with God on the mountain!

[Cheryl]

Bucky,
  That one is so true to life!!!!  We all still see ourselves as younger than we really are.  LOL!
Cheryl

[eyeamdry]

We used to have a Queen size waterbed.  One day we were having overnight guests and would sleep in another bedroom which had twin beds.  Well, of all times to have something happen, the heater on the waterbed went dead.  Oh great, it's winter in Michigan and our waterbed will be turning to ice.

Well, for some reason, my brother and I drove to KMart about 5 miles away to see if we could buy another heater.  My husband's sister stayed behnd so she could visit with her brother (my husband.)  Well, my BIL is a really nice guy, nerdy, but nice.  Out of the blue he says to me "you know I've never cheated on my wife?"  I'm thinking...what the heck is going on?  Well, I was driving and I couldn't think of anything to say back to him, "well, you're not about to start now."
We laughed and I said "I'd never cheated on my husband,lbut if I was going to, it wouldn't be with him, so he didn't have to wory."

I am going to make a second post because the funniest part of the night hadn't happened yet and I will run out of room. Lucy

[eyeamdry]

Well, we get home with the waterbed heater and have to figure out what we need to do.  First, we had to get the old heater out from beneath the waterbed mattress.  IF ANY OF YOU HAVE EVER HAD A WATERBED, YOU KNOW HOW TOUGJ IT IS TO PULL THE CORNER OF THE WATERBED UP.  The guys took care of getting the old heater out.

We decided that the two men would pull up and back on the mattress and I would put my hand in and pull the heater  out.  Well, I put my little hand and arm in between the waterbed mattress and the bed and those two fools let go of their hold on the mattress.  My arm was under there up to the shoulder.  It felt like an elephant on my arm and I knew I couldn't take that much pressure for long.  Those fools were laughing because I was cussing them out.  The more I hollered, the more they laughed.  The longer my poor arm was being squeezed by a million lbs of water.  I don't think they realized how serious it was and just were hysterical.

I said the worst words you can think of and when I was finally loose, I went after my hubby and probably did a little pinching or something.  That was over 20 years ago!  I'm sure my brother in law hasn't had an affair yet, and I know I haven't either.  Lucy