So like me, frustrating!

[Sandra]

Hi all hope everyone is doing ok. I need to say some stuff. I am so frustrated with me  . On Dec 10 I answered my phone at 8 am it was my mom she was in trouble. i rushed to her and she was in a bad, bad way. i called 911 and she was taken in. I was told to call together the family, a horrible thing as she had been so good. Mom has cancer but has on no meds, as she has been doing so well, she drove herself to an eye appointment the day before and we wrapped Christmas gifts that afternoon. Very stressful time, we now know that she had suffered a bacterial pnuemonia and a kidney infection. She is amazing and much better now and expected home again within the week.
My problem isn't so much mom at the moment it's me! From the added stress, the dryness of the hospital. fatigue of round the clock vigil I ended up with a cough from heck. Which ended up in real bad pain on my left side under my arm and in my ribs. So bad that as soon as mom was somewhat stable I went AWOL. I stayed at home in bed conserving energy for when she really needecd me. We are Peas and Carrots close. My siblings have been great but I know mom misses me allot, as the look on her face when I come in or when I leave,  . I am so fed up with becomong such a sicko when stuff like this happens. I feel everybody thinks I am competing for attention or something, I'm sure that's not the case but it feels like it. And as sick as mom is I was in the ER today for a third time to try get my xray, re pnuemonia, I was there 4 hours and mom knew it and was so worried. When I got done I went right to her room and it's "wha't wrong? what did they say?" This woman came back from certain death as to "not leave us at Christmas like Dad did,- her words" and she's asking how i am! I am so mad I could cry. I work real hard at not letting my wonky immune system become about who I am instead just a fact, but sometimes like these I get so mad at muself. Like I can do a darn thing!
The Er dr was great said there is a shadow on my right lung which could be pneumonia but most like ly considering the way I jumped when she pressed at my ribs she thinks it's inflammation, costcondritis and she warnned of bloodclot or heart problems. I don't believe the latter two is the case. I have had this inflamation before just not so bad. The pain when I lay down at night! Gees Louise! and can't ligt my arm or my purse of get outof the tub etc....anybody deal with this before? All started I think from a real deep dry cough, I think that was just thick dry mucous that cloggs my broncial tubes from time to time. Sound right? Oh thanks for the vent, I just really need to be with my mom right now, I miss her, I don't know how long I'll have her, no time, smiles, or laughter to waste. Want to go in and watch the world jr hocky tourney with her tonight and am worried i won't be able to sit in the darn chair for pain. Aaaurgghh!
Have a great New Years Eve eveybody and all the very best in 2009. Sandra

[Cheryl]

Sandra,
   I just want to wish a pleasant, pain-free evening to you and your mom.   May the new year bring good things to your family!
   I deal with the rib pain from time to time, and for me it typically lasts a few weeks.   I'm sure it's awful in combination with the coughing you're doing. 
   Stress does a number on us, doesn't it?   I'm sorry!   I'm glad your mom understands what you are dealing with.   You know that worrying about you takes her mind off the severity of her own situation.   Let her fuss over you a little; that's her job.   Wanting to take care of you is probably a good incentive for her.
   God bless both of you!
Cheryl

[Scottietottie]

Hi Sandra 

Your Mom is your Mom and you will be her 'baby' till the day she goes - so she's going to worry about you. That's what Mom's do. My FIL is 84 and he still refers to my husband (aged 60) and his brother (61) as 'his loons' (a northern Scottish term for boys)

You may be doing the caring now but as your Mom's mind is still well and truly there - she'll be wishing she was caring for you.

She knows you can't help being sick. The rest of your family really ought to know you're not putting it on either. Stress has an effect on AI diseases. You do need some recovery time so you really have to try to NOT feel guilty because guilt will just add to your stress.

I sincerely hope your chest feels better soon. I'm not sure that costochondtitis causes a cough - although it would obviously be very painful alongside one. Has the doctor discounted pleurisy?
If it is costochondritis are you taking any anti inflammatories to help it to subside?

Hoping 2009 gets better for you.

Take care - Scottie 

[Patze]

Hi Sandra,

I'm sorry that you're felling so bad, that has to be doubly hard with your Mom being so ill - hang in there my friend, I'm sending you a ton of giant and ultra gentle

( ( ( ( ( H U G S ) ) ) ) )

and my you feel better soon!  I too hope that it's nothing serious, but I'll keep the fingers crossed too.

Scottie's right, your Mom will always be your Mom, and that's a great thing!  And it's good to hear that your family support you to, and that's a great thing too!

Please take care and keep us updated, okay?

Patze

[Epson]

We have some smart members at this site, I agree with everything said.  A lot of us are going through many of the things you are, so we can really understand how you feel, it is nice to know that someone understands our daily challenges, wheather physical or emotional.

I try to see the irony or funny side of things, it helps me escape, it helps me to foreget the pressure pot I live in.  No one understands what your going through better then another Soggie.

When I read your post I said wow, someone is feeling like I do right now, I guess I am not such a freak.  I often worry about who will take care of my dad, wife and even my dog if something should happen to me.

We all have to hope that 2009 will be better then last year, and forget what other people think, we have enough problems.

[Pooh]

Sandra I wish for you a more peaceful, comfortable 2009.  I pray you and your Mom have much more time together and that you continue to allow her to be a Mom.  We tend to worry when one of our children are fighting a battle of their own.

Knowing that our children need us, keeps us going no matter how bad we feel ourselves.  It gives us that extra strength to go on. 

I hope your rib pain eases up and you are more comfortable to visit with your Mother longer. 

Gentle hugs and God Bless you and your Mom,

Pooh