Angry

[Scottietottie]

I WAS angry but I'm not any more. I agree with Joe - it was a part of the grieving process.

Lots of people suffer from all sorts of things. We only have one life and we just have to live it the best way we can.

I'm alive. I had friends who are not - and they didn't have Sjogren's. I have a friend, who if someone says "Why me??" says "Why not me?"

Take care - Scottie 

[Narablueeyes]

Has anyone felt like they're being punished by having all these health problems?

[LizPetillo]

Has anyone felt like they're being punished by having all these health problems?

Punished?  No.
Cursed?  Yes.
Really.

About a year before really getting sick i had a wiccan get ticked at me and tell me she was casting a spell on me to make everything in me backwards ... to make me what I wasn't .... all because she disagreed with me politically.  I told her that would just bounce off me and hit her back because - as wiccans know - what they send out will hit them back even harder if it's a bad thing.    Here we are, about 3 years later, and my world is upside down.  My health and my mental well being are the opposite of what it was.   

I keep hoping that it's hit her back ... I think it's supposed to crash back on them 3 fold or 7 fold or something like that.  (Can't remember what I read about wiccans). 

So that's why I say 'cursed'. 

[Meld256]

puccini914 (Jennifer)

I think your post is one of the most inspiring I've read in a while.    As Scottie says, We have one life and we need to live it the best way we can.

We all have different and similar pains, fatigue, issues of all kinds and I'm well aware some of us are not in very good health at all, but for me, I refuse to let it overtake my life.  It has changed my life drastically, but it's not all I am.

I love what you say, Jennifer, about sometimes how to deal with anger is to do something about it. If we can harness that energy used for anger in a positive way, we can probably do more than we realize.
I think it's awesome you're going back to school!  You'll be a great counselor. 

[Narablueeyes]

I seriously admire those of you that have "whatever it is" so can somehow accept and be positive.

I must say I can't.  I'm mad at what has happened and tired of trying to explain it to someone who just doesn't get it.

I'm also discouraged by reactions to the fact I have pain, and that seems to be something I'm supposed to miraculously get over.

This is not the-if you find something you want to do you won't notice the pain.  This is the- you are doing something you want and the pain increases and knocks you over.

I'll quit because those of you that understand will get it and those of you that have that magic "something" or "better coping skills" or whatever you wish to call it, are just not going to understand.

This also a serious pain day, so that is no doubt part of my problem.  I'm fairly sure my left little toe does not hurt.

I hear you confused.  I really do.  My body is screaming obscenities at me today.  We just need to take it one hour at a time today.  And try not to broad brush those who handle it better than you and I.  There's a story behind every one of them.  They may not be as far along as you; may have found a medication that really works for them; or something else.  I know it's the anger and frustration talking.  But we all hear you!  You just keep venting.  It helps to get all that toxic emotion out.

[Still in the hunt]

Everyone on here is different, some have just some annoying things going on and its just that annoying,, some of us have stuff going on that makes us want to take the bridge in a last ditch effort to end the pain of a existance that is nothing short of walking , but your allready dead, I dont want to make all this sound like were in a Pi**ing contest to see whos pain can outdo the other,, I just know today is one of thos jump in front of a bus days, I lerally want to rip my arms and legs off,, its been a week and Ilm still waiting for the compunded medication for my sinuses,, of course I called,, I quit calling any of my doctors about how bad things are,, and I did call state agencys, got bounced around to different ones only to end up back where I started,
  This type of pain is unrelenting,, no one can see it,, but i bet if thee was some sort of scanning thing,, the thing would blow up when it went across our bodies, I dont want to take opana,, I dont want to take depakote,, I dont want to take neurotin, Ilm tired of pills,, mostly becasue they do little if anything,, I agree about the wicken,, I thin she must have tossed it at me too,, I cant buy the why not me attitude,, its almost like sayinng you asked for it,, and just accepted it as something you deserved,, I didnt,, I didnt want it,, and I am sure its going to kill me alot sooner rather then later,, and THATS what scares me,, what will it be,, will it be years after being in a wheelchair,, not feeling anything, given a bath then put back to bed,, I dont thin so,,

[susan]

I have had these illnesses a long time, but I can remember the rage I felt in the beginning.
Working as a nurse, I realized that there is a huge spectrum of suffering in the world, and that I really couldn't think of someone I would trade situations with. So, I didn't stay angry long.
Occasionally, I feel sad when I can't participate in a family gathering or other fun activity like traveling.
Time has helped more than anything to keep this in perspective. I do the one day at a time thing, and feel grateful for small things. The love and support from my daughters makes it easy to be positive.

[Carebear]

My anger was very short lived during the grieving process.  I most significantly felt sadness and guilt.

But now I focus on what I can do, not what I used to do.  I have made peace with this body of mine and all its "problems", and I work hard to enjoy my life as it is.   No, it isn't easy, but this is much better for my health. 

[Narablueeyes]

Oh, heavens, I didn't mean to imply anything negative towards those that are positive.  I really do admire them.  I also wish I had that mindset.

I think I realized that and deep down I was talking to myself more than you.   . Sorry

[Narablueeyes]

NEW TONI BERNHARD ARTICLE!!!

I read it and re-read it.  Going to print it right now.


"People who are sick or in chronic pain often come to see their bodies as the enemy. This perception triggers emotions such anger, fear, and sadness. In response to these emotions, people clench and tighten muscles in their bodies. This can lead to intensifying existing symptoms or to new symptoms in other parts of the body."

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-straw-gold/201110/using-the-body-scan-help-chronic-pain-and-illness

[Still in the hunt]

I talk to my Doxie,, he doesnt answer but I bet he knows everything I am saying,,

[LizPetillo]

"People who are sick or in chronic pain often come to see their bodies as the enemy.

It IS the enemy. 
I told my husband I want to be cremated because I hate my body now.
I want to be a ghost standing next to the crematorium ... watch it burn.
It's my childish revenge ... but I want it.
He said ... 'tell ya' what, I'll have you cremated twice, you'll be twice as happy!'
I said ... heck ya'!!

  I've got a good husband.

[Diane54]

Angry, depressed and GUILTY!~  I get angry because I really can't plan for anything anymore....I just take one day at a time....Depressed because I am mourning my former life where I lived with spontenatity, fun, and being social! GUILTY....for not being the wife, partner, mother that I used to be...........it's all a vicious cycle. My husband is very supportive but I am not sure how much my grown sons grasp ....because I look fine!

I am not the person I was 2 years ago and if anything it hurts emotionally and mentally! The physcial pain ...well that's something I have to learn to live with.

We just attended his Aunt's funeral and I also mentioned that I want cremated.........just burn me so no one has to see me!

[LizPetillo]

mentioned that I want cremated.........just burn me so no one has to see me!

It's my ultimate revenge upon this body.
I swear I'll be a ghost standing there ... enjoying watching it burn.
REVENGE!!  ha ha