? about anxiety

[Mr. Duffy]

    Hi Liz,
   I hope you are well today. I know I have anxiety because I am in pain everyday. My stomach
   hurts because of the meds. I take for my BP & V-Tach. My joints hurt because of arthritis, my
   teeth hurt because of neuritis, I have chronic nosebleeds from SJS. I also have fibro.& have
   become homebound . I agree with Daisy about depression & anxiety and chronic illness. Isnt it
   hard to deal with all we do   
     take care & hugs to you.
        love, Duffy

[Meld256]

Pisces,

You make such a good point about how lots of times you can't change your situation, but you can change your reaction to it.  It can take some concentrated effort.  When I first began having strange pains and tingling, I would get very nervous about it, since I had no idea what was happening, and feared it would get worse every time.
I found that I could "talk myself down" thinking to just relax, not to worry about what would happen, and most times I would begin to feel better. Thinking positively can be hard when you hurt, but it can really help to teach yourself how to do it.
Hi Duffy,
Just saw you here. I know your days must often be difficult. You're in my thoughts. 
Melinda

[Suzie]

All of the advice for checking out physical sources of anxiety are great. I had anxiety to the point of psychosis when my thyroid when crazy over active. It all went away when the docs sorted it out. We don't just live in our heads - we live in incredibly complex bodies and depend upon intricate chemical reactions and balances to function not just physically, but emotionally too. If it can be solved by restoring homonal or vitamin equilibrian, then great!

But the terribly cruel thing about acute anxiety is how mean we are to ourselves. We often beat ourselves into trembling wrecks with negativity that we believe to be true, no matter what anyone around us says. I've had anxiety where every single second of every minute of every hour was excoriating existential agony. You do not want to go there.

I had an excellent therapist a few years ago who told me that anxiety is the horrible fear that we don't have the inner resources to cope with what life may throw at us. If we are confident that we can deal with most problems that arise, we don't need to drive ourselves nuts panicking about the future - we live in the present, without undue fear of the future.

With any disease/illness/condition that makes you exhausted, physically limited and suffering from pain, you're not likely to feel you have the wherewithall to handle life's lumps and bumps. I know I don't. I can hardly envisage how I'm going to make dinner tonight.

Luckily for me, I seem to have given up being anxious. I've surrendered to the fact that it is what it is, my family will be ok if they eat oatmeal for dinner, and when I feel less awful I'll do things. Most of it is down to my pills. Don't dismiss the wonderful calming, sometimes life-saving, value of the right meds.

I had Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to help me see the difference between being lazy and being ill. The huge burden of guilt has lifted. I've learnt to talk myself out of feeling guilty or lazy when I can't get things done. Guilt is another source of anxiety; panicking about what we should be doing, but we can't, how we're failing ourselves and failing others.

I really recommend writing down your thoughts when you're beating yourself up with anxiety and imagine what you'd say if a dear friend came to you and said these things. Learn to talk to yourself as though you were your own best friend.

Oh, and I think Meld's aptly described, "Can't Stand It" Syndrome in fibro sufferers is due to the hyper-sensitivity of our senses. I cannot stand noise of any kind, bright lights, perfume and other strong aromas, and my skin hurts with gentle squeezing or brushing against something (that never would have bothered me a few years ago). We're often in a state of Sensory Overload.

That's why we CAN'T STAND IT!

I wish you all peace of mind and spirit,

Suzie

[Liz D.]

Thank you so much for all your replies.  This forum is a lifesaver to me.   I have been on it for seven years now and wouldn't know what to do without it!!

All your comments made such perfect sense.  Joe S, I know I have to learn those breathing exercises!!!  But my mind keeps racing and then I forget to do it.  I should have a timer go off as a reminder everyday to do them no matter how I am feeling.

Being in control is probably the biggest issue for me and then feeling I can not fix a problem.  I, too, was a caregiver to two sick parents and an aunt.  I was only a young teenager when both my parents got sick.  I went for years being a caregiver!!  Now that all three have passed away, I do admit it did ease the stress a bit, although I feel the damage to my mind and body was already done.

But now my MIL is getting older and I am starting to panic.  I am her first DIL, married to the oldest of her four boys.  There are no sisters in the family, and I have taken it upon myself to be the 'go to' girl.   My anxiety about it is all in the way I respond to it!!   If I could just realize that worrying all day about things won't change anything and start to think positive thoughts, I would truly be a changed woman!!  I hate my personality for being such a worrier!

As to anxiety vs. agitation, my fear is that when something bad does happen to my MIL, it will turn to agitation and I will not be able to hide my feelings.  The thought of helping one more person as a caregiver sends me through the roof and I have such guilt about it that I am not a good person - - - thus the anxiety.  Weird, huh?  I am my own worst enemy. I then  take a couple of xanax and go to bed!!  It helps me not to think (and I know that is not good!!)

Liz D.

[A66eyroad]

My-husband-the-therapist tells me that anxiety can be thought of as belief in magic. Do I really think that by worrying about something I can change the outcome? For example, when my daughter doesn't call me back right away and I worry, does that change whether something has happened to her?

My answer is that by worrying about her I show that I care.

He argues (kindly) that by worrying about her I'm trying to control the situation. Type-A controlling personality and all that, which is true.

Dang it, he's right again. But don't tell him I said that.

[Liz D.]

A66ey,

Your husband is so right!!! It is great counsel for me.  I used to have to call my mother to let her know where I was so she wouldn't worry.  She was a constant worrier!!!  If I didn't call at a certain time, she immediately thought negative and figured car accident or something.  I am afraid it is a terrible 'control freak' part of her personality that I inherited. 

But if I work on it now, maybe I can learn to control my thinking!!!

Liz D.

[A66eyroad]

Promise me you won't tell him I'm quoting him all over the place. Because usually I just roll my eyes when he tells me these things. (over and over and over and over.....)

But he does always tell me, A66ey, you don't have to believe every thought that pops into your head.

[really?]

Promise me you won't tell him I'm quoting him all over the place. Because usually I just roll my eyes when he tells me these things. (over and over and over and over.....)

But he does always tell me, A66ey, you don't have to believe every thought that pops into your head.

its hard tonot worry about things that pop in your head when you wonder if your going to live to see another day,, I wont quote him,, but he seems like a pretty nice guy,,