My mom and my physical therapist are fighting

[lighthouse33]

Another day, another aruguement.  We were just pulling in to the grocery store parking lot and I couldn't believe I said it.  Mom asked by what date I needed to pick up my lyrica.  I said oh Dad is going to take me and we are going to pick out my cane.  She said, don't you need to be fitted for that.  Me - yes. and they do that at the pharmacy  Her - Are you going to use THAT?  Me - Yes.  Her - are you going to take that outside?  Me - yes.  Oh great, you'll take it such and such a place and fall down the stairs using it.  Me - I'm not going to use it on the steps yet.  Her - does your Dad know about this?  Me - yes.  Her - he hasn't said anything.  Me - Probably becauase he knows how you feel about it.  By the way I'm not sure how he really does feel about it one way or another.  Then some comment was made about having me become depependent on a cane.  More explanation from me about why it would help me etc.

So, it was a quiet day shopping.  I think she is trying to come to terms with it but it is hard for her.

[Ohiocat]

Just remember - you need to do what is right for you, regardless of what other people say or think.  Even if they are important people to you.   It always hurts more when it is the important people that just don't understand.

[newhorizons]

Lighthouse, When your Mom can't feel she has 'swayed' you in your thinking, I feel, she gives you the 'silent treatment'

Had those a few times in my life and they come from my hubby!

Amazing what this world throws at us...

You'll be all right with cane in hand; at least you can depend on your cane, it won't talk back to you or question your actions!!

I love my staff on occasion and did not like to hand fitted cane...there again, different strokes for different folks.

[lighthouse33]

This morning's comments from mom:

1. Tell the therapist  I will go along with whatever she does for you.  But don't tell her, I'm not happy about it.
2. The first time you fall using the cane and break something and I have to take care of you .....
3. You won't like it (the cane).  It will slow you down and you will have to watch every step you take.

[hikerknees]

Hi lighthouse33,
I feel for you with this.  Don't know if you've had a chance to read the post in discussions from stephL called "Why we don't get supportive responses".  You might find it helpful, if only to see it happens so often.

[lighthouse33]

Mom's comments after I brought home my new cane:

1. You look 90 years old instead of 40! My response, I feel like 90 with the Sjogren's.  Her response - No you don't!
2. There are lots of people out there who would love to get around as well as you do. (withtout the cane)

After showing her how I walked with it:

1. Do you always have to look at your feet now.  No, mom, I'm just learning how to use it.
2. Yeah it works if you want to be slow!
3. Are you giong to take that out for a walk around the block.  Yes.  Good, she says.  That's the last thing she wants.  Think I will go out tomorrow on the main thoroughfare.

My whole family is in denail.  I can just hear her on the phone tonight with my brother about how crazy me and my therapist are.  And my dad in the pharmacy all he wanted to do was hide under a rock.

[paperdoll]

I am FUMING thinking of a mother speaking to her daughter like that!  I jsut watch a show called "What Would You Do?" and a mom was speaking so dishonorably to her daughter in a clothing store.... WOW!

Tip:
A (San Diego?) neurologist at the Sjogren's Conference 2010 stated that she and other neurologists felt that Sjogren's and MS were the same disease just manifesting in a different way and that left them with even more questions than before... but gave them hope for treatments and cures!
(perhaps there are notes posted from it online).  There is a forum called ChronicBabe that may have an article about denial family people... maybe you could print that out LOL?

I so feel for you!  I did not tell my mom about my disease before she passed (long story).  Dad knows but cannot handle hearing about it - he did say to loan him a book about it. Perhaps leaving a book in the bathroom or on the coffee table in the family room - the snooping will plead your case!  I had a Dalmatian speckled folding cane for a stint (cute) and had a blue walker with a seat for a spell!  Got me out walking and felt better!  Don't need them now!  PT and OT saved me along with diet alterations

Good luck - We are all pulling for ya kiddo!!!!!!!!!!!

Another thing my mom said was that we have a friend here who has had MS for 25 years.  My mom said she is worse off than me and she doesn't use a cane!  She even plays golf occassionally.  If she doesn't need one I don't either! 

I've done quite a bit of research over the past couple of days.  Have even printed some things out that I may or may not share with mom.  She always says I read too much.  Anyway here are some of the websites:

Coming Around To Using A Cane - Scroll down to Page 7

http://www.neuropathy.org/site/DocServer/Issue_33_May_09_.pdf?docID=2022

http://www.msworld.org/forum/showthread.php?t=108364

http://ms.about.com/od/livingwellwithms/f/canes.htm

http://hubpages.com/hub/The-First-Time-Using-a-Cane

http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=16&m=910806

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3939/is_200102/ai_n8946956/

If a cane would help with my fatigue and pain I don't know why she would be against it especially when I don't have a problem with it.

[Nancy60]

I am another PT with Sjogren's (I didn't realize there were so many of us on this site!).

I just had to add, your mom has it backwards when she says she is afraid you will become dependent on the cane.  We (PT's) recommend assistive devices (canes, walkers, etc...) to help keep a patient INDEPENDENT, or lessen the amount of DEPENDENCY they have on others.  By decreasing the stress on your joints (pain), and helping you keep your balance (safety from injuries and falls) it makes you more INDEPENDENT in your home and community.

I hope you and your mom and dad can come to a truce on this, ultimately you need to do what is best for you despite what your mom and dad think so I am glad you went ahead and already got a cane.  They will come to terms with it in time.

Nancy

[lighthouse33]

Things have been a bit calmer here.  I got the cane out to take it to therapy on Thursday and I said to mom that I would like to use it around the house but would not if she was going to go ballistic every time I got it out.  So, I've been using it.  The only comment she made was on Friday and it was a nice comment in that she had read that canes were hard on the arms.  I said I know and that I have bilateral carpal tunnel too.  I asked her if she was going to let me take it to the grocery store and she said maybe.  So we will see if that happens tomorrow.  She did say if I took it it would cause chaos by everyone looking at me because I come there every week and all the sudden I have this cane.  But I don't care.

[lighthouse33]

I have raised the white flag!  The cane is now in the closet only to be taken out on therapy days.

I got it out this mroning to take to the grocery store.  Mom's comment was I am not going to spend two hours in the store while you explain to everyone why you are using a cane because you cannot keep it brief!  I expalined what I was going to say but it wasn't good enough for her.  In the car she said give her some time to tell some of the ladies here and then they could spread it around among themselves.  I wanted to say, how long is that going to take, never.  What I did say is well if you want me to ruin all of my joints, ligaments and tendons because I'm not walking right then I will end up in a wheelchair and I can stay at home and you can hide me there.  

Needless to say we are not speaking this afternoon.  I can't take all this stress so I'm going to let her be.