My dad passed away

[irish]

Dee, You have my sympathy on the death of your dad, but as you say it was expected and probably very welcomed by him. He is home now and not suffering any longer.

Now, as far as your Mom goes, when you take on the care of a parent there will be more surprises then you can shake a cat at. When we see our parents every day and even spend a lot of time with them, we still don't know the whole story. It is only that 24/7 closeness that you are able to pick up on all the little "secrets" that an elderly parent has. Sort of like now you know that she is more confused than you thought or possibly more irritable than we realized. Also, usually find out that they are not nearly as capable of taking then medication as you thought.

It is a universal and age old problem. I give you all the credit in the world for taking her into your home. I think that crocheting/knitting would be a very good stress reliever for someone who is housebound with a cast on their leg and a parent living with them. As a 68 year old grandma I can only hope that I die quick and can escape living with a child or going in the nursing home. Now assisted living wouldn't be so bad, but nursing homes, nah, they are full of old, sick people.

As for the snow, think of it this way. When spring and summer come I am going to be really blessed with a lot cherries and blue berries. Also, down the road a year or two you will probably think back and say to yourself that you made it through these hard times. Not only that, you are having this chance to be with your Mom when you aren't working and that is ok. The day will come when she will also be gone and you will be back working, meeting friends and enjoying life.

Have your hubby take you to the library and drop you off for a couple of hours in the evening or on a Saturday. You can be around people and listen to the socialization. This in itself is therapy besides getting to catch up on the magazines. Also, just give a smile to a young mother with kids and say a few words and pretty soon you will be making a friend here and there.

As much as we (including me) hate diversity it is what makes us better people. Enough of my ramblings. I ahve nothing to say about your son. I raised 3 boys and all I know is that I didn't have a clue when they were born and I still, to this day, don't have a clue. Time makes a difference for us all though. Irish

[dbab]

Dee, you have my sympathies.  You have so much on your plate right now and it sounds so overwhelming.  It's all so new to you but I'm sure it will get better over time.  I know you will make the best of it... we learn to adapt.  We just do what we can.

I like the idea of really looking out to see what's in the community that may interest you.  Here we have (even in the more rural areas outside of the town) craft courses at the high schools and things to do like that.  I know, at least here, they actually don't cost that much.  - I actually thought about maybe joining a cooking class for fun, they have those ethnical cooking classes that seem interesting -  Maybe something similar to that, just to get you out of the house and into a new element and around different people.  Clear your head, I'm sure your husband wouldn't mind dropping you off for a couple of hours.  You may even meet a few nice ladies as well.

Point is, whatever you decide to do, make sure you carve some time out for yourself.  Whether its out of the house OR if you create your own secret hideaway in the house somewhere.  I have one ... Its in the guest room, with a cup of tea and my book, while my son is busy with his video games and my husband is busy with his guitar.  I shut the room off and I have my tea and read my book... just 10-20 minutes of serenity makes a big difference.  Take that time out for yourself

[Cheryl]

Thinking of you, Deb, and wishing you a good day today!
Cheryl

[deeindiana]

Thank you, everyone, for your condolences and encouraging words. When I read my post today, one thing jumped out at me: at least I have my priorities in good order. The things I were counting as blessings were love, family, time spent together, having enough money to make ends meet rather than splurging on extravagance , etc.  Soooooo...I shall just hunker down and hibernate til spring!

LizPetillo - At my age, I try not to pray for many specifics. I figure God has a much bigger view of the road then I do and doesn't need my help steering. So I just pray for the things inside myself: peaceful thoughts, calmness, strength to deal with what comes my way, to let me say or do a little something that will help someone else. It seems to help.
Deb

[harlin]

Dee,
I am so sorry. I remember when I lost my dad. It has been 17 years and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him. He was the love of my life. We were very close.
I know you will have some rough days ahead and I will pray for you. Even tho he had a full life I am sure he will be badly missed.
love ya, harlin

[JannaLee]

About 3 years ago I wrote a post on this site just like yours.

I had moved from sunny Colorado to northern Minnesota.  Shortly thereafter we found out our house was full of mold (but not the kind that insurance covers) and I became terribly ill only to find out I have autoimmune disease.  The hardest part was the loneliness.  My dear friends of 20 years are 1000 miles away.

Now we have a gigantic mortgage and live in a nearly-half-finished house with dust on EVERYTHING!  Sometimes I wonder how much dust I have eaten over the past year. 

Anyhoo... I just wanted to tell you I know how you are feeling.  I know, YOU KNOW, you will get through it, but I understand this is a difficult time in your life.

Sending you a hug and glad you shared.

Janna

[valene2009]

Dee. I am so sorry about your father's passing..
Hang in there.. and that sux about the plaquenil.. Maybe for some reason you are just not
supposed to take it.. i don't know.. I can't take a lot of things for my dry eyes that almost everyone
else can and i don't get why but i guess sometimes things just don't work for everyone.

I Hope Michigan gets better for you.. I do know that in life it seems when things start to fall apart
they come crashing down and then all of a sudden you get a break and things get better.. they will for you..

[gsmraxe]

Sorry for your loss...It's never easy to lose a parent.   

[Meld256]

Deb,
I guess I'm really behind; I just saw your post here. I'm so sorry to hear of your Dad's passing.

It's so difficult losing a parent, no matter how old we are or how old they are. My mother passed in 2007 and even though it was obvious it was time for God to take her home, it was so much harder for me that I expected.

So, besides that you've really gone through some other tough challenges lately.  Good grief, dear!  Our family was going through a quite horrible year in 2005.  My MIL laughed one day in the middle of all the awfulness and told me, "You know, I think God is testing me, but some days I don't know if I'm going to pass!" Others have given some good advice, as always, and I love irish's. She is so wise.
It really is important that you get out of the house if possible and go anywhere for a little "me time." Caregiving is draining to the body, mind and soul even if you love doing it. I commend you and praise you for doing it.
I hope Michigan starts sounding like a better place soon. The weather has been horrible, but hopefully spring is coming soon!

Please post anytime at the first sign of a vent. Like Elaine said, post soon and often. We are your Sjoggie family and unseen support system. Sending you prayers and blessings,

Melinda

[Meld256]

Me again, Deb.

Wanted to just mention about your post when you looked back and saw how your priorities were in the right place. Absolutely!
I hear: family, hope, gratefulness, a woman who cares about others, and has strength to carry on no matter what comes her way. 

Take care of yourself, dear.

[Rhonda]

My deepest sympathies for your loss.  I lost my father in 1997 and I still miss him today.  Praying you find your silver lining and some peace with moving to Michigan. 

[sis]

Glad you posted about your difficult times.

All the others have said everything I think.

So sorry about your Dad passing and your mom being sick.

Dang, you think the dog could have held off on the neighbor.  You sure did not need that on top of everything else.