Playing Santa Claus, well sort of

[eyeamdry]

I have decided to buy a little Christmas stuff for the single mom with 3 kids next door rather than give to an organization this year.  I know this mother is poor,, yet seems to be able to be on the run most of the time. The kids are 5, 12, 15.  I told her I would spend $25 on something for each including her and please give me an idea of what they would like.

The 5 year old has something she would like.  The older two want "money."  Mom also wants money.  Well, this is not what I had in mind.  I told the Mom before I didn't care who she said bought the gift.  Me, her or Santa.  Obviously the older two don't believe in Santa.  So here I am, wanting to do a good deed and they want MONEY.  I have this feeling that the money will go to junk food and other junk candy etc.

Should I go ahead and give them the $25 each and just let it go?  I know how hard it is for poor folks and I just know how quickly the $ will be spent.  Even Mom taking it to pay a bill which is something I don't want.  I guess I have too many wants.  Why did I even think of this?  Grrrrrrrrr. Lucy

[Joe S.]

I would put more thought into it before I gave money. Boy or girl. Hobbies? Education? What is "in" in their age group.

[Carolina]

Well, I understand entirely, Lucy.

You want to give something tangible that they need.    And to do that you want to control what they get! 

So you can feel satisfaction that they receive gifts that both you and they value.

You want some control.  You are concerned that the gift of money may wind up being wasted on things you don't  value.

And the truth is all people want CONTROL, and money is control.   

So the neighbors want to control this gift, too.    Sigh.

One idea that sticks in my mind:  A gift is a gift.  Once something is given away, control goes with the gift.

If I give someone a gift and they throw it away, or 'regift' it, or hide it in a closet, that's not my concern.

I suggest that you give the youngest one a gift, and get department store gift cards (Kohl's, Target, WalMart, etc) for $25 to give to each of the others.

This may result in the money being used for something useful or wearable, which might make you feel better.   But I'd advise you not to ask.

One big gift card for a supermarket is also an idea.

Your heart is in the right place, Lucy.   It is just interesting what happens when we ask people what they want, isn't it?

Keep us posted.

Kisses

Elaine

[navydad]

Elaine is right,, find out there interst and buy the approiate card,,, oldest likes sports,, Kohls,, give mom the cash,, Listen,, when I was young,, and got money ,, I never saw it,, oh I saw it long enough to get it out of the envelope,, but it somehow dissapeared when I put the card on the tree with the money still in it,, guess it just dissapeared,, I dont have many good memories of Xmas,, and I am sad to say it has carried over to my adult life,,

[eyeamdry]

Every year, I got a pair of flannel pajamas, bathrobe and slippers.  Throw in one doll and there you go.  I hated getting a doll every year.  There is only so much you can do with a doll.  The "clothing' part was because we lived in the real north, near the Canadian border and we had ice inside our windows.  They didn't want us to freeze to death/  Lucy

[irish]

Lucy, My sister and I always got "a box" that contained the underwear and socks. Every year not matter what. I remember a few Christmas' that we got good gifts but our folks didn't spend that much as we were on the poor side. Back in my youth everyone was poor.Irish

[eyeamdry]

I am not going to "anguish" any more about this present/money stuff.  Guaranteed I won't go there next year, but somewhere else.  I have to look and see the thing the smallest child wants.  I have an idea it is more than I bargained for--and that's why the gift was named.  I will buy that for her if it's in budget.

The others are each getting $25 cash.  The oldest wants to "buy clothes at the mall."  The middle one is "saving for some thing or other" and the mother doesn't "care one way or another."    If I give them $$ they can do what they will--and I don't need to worry my poor little self over it.  I did want to get something tangible but we are such a throwaway world now.  The mother might make the kids give her the $ and that's not my concern either. 

In "giving" I have to give up control.  Somehow the spirit of Christmas made this a Grinch-like mood.  The kids will probably pop and candy this so fast they will be on a sugar high for a month.  That's fine too, as long as they enjoy it.  Next time I buy for Toys for Tots.  Lucy

[eyeamdry]

Irish, my sisters both got the same thing as I did, although maybe the doll rotated.  lol.  My cousin remembes our grandma always buying her underwear and she lived in Ohio.  My grandma lived near us til she died when she was 63, so I guess she bought us underpants also.  Can you imagine a grandma giving her young grandaughter the plainest white cotton underpants they could find for a Christmas present. lolol. 

I had a brother and don't remember what he got.  Probably a little more because he was 'the boy' of the family.  Lucy

[Bucky]

Lucy - this such a kind gesture on your part to want to help your neighbor.

Even when I ask my husband and son what they want for Christmas, they say MONEY.  I guess that way they can buy what they really want.  For my husband - that means camera stuff.  The money I would give him wouldn't buy anything, but he can combine it with other money he receives and then he can spend it on his camera.

I get disappointed when I spend the time and effort to pick something out for someone and then they take it back.    Some times I think money or gift cards ARE the way to go.

I know you were thinking more along a "gift" line - but, if money would make them happy - I think that would be okay too.  Once you give a "gift" (whether it be a present or an envelope with money or a gift card in it) it's the recipients to use it any way they want.

Nonetheless . . . it's still very kind of you to do this.

Bucky

[Blue Kat]

How nice of you to do this!  I work for a cancer treatment clinic and this year we decided to "adopt" the family of a patient who is only 40 and has 5 kids and it looks like this might be her last Christmas so we bought clothes and toys for the kids and cash and gift cards for the parents so they can get whatever else they need and be able to have a nice Christmas dinner.  It's a blessing to be able to bless others.   

[Meld256]

Lucy,
As I said before, this is very kind on your part. Well, seems like it's not turning out to be the experience you wanted it to be. I'm sorry to hear that.

Toys for Tots is a great option next time. Local hospitals also have needs for children. There was a wonderful program when I was a child; every child who had an overnight stay got a toy. Back in the "old days" in the 60's they kept me overnight after having my tonsils out. I got a stuffed dog that had a special autograph pen and I thought it was the best thing ever.
The prenatal depts. also need quilts and blankets. When I begin quilting, I plan to donate to that area.

I hope your week is good and give with this situation however feels best to you.
Blessings,
Melinda

[CAT1962]

I have 4 kids, and if someone offered to buy my children a gift, I would be ecstatic. It's been so rough for us this year. I wouldn't ask for the cash...just rude, in my opinion. Maybe a giftcard to Walmart? Or, if she needs to pay a bill, that may take stress off of her, but maybe a gift card to a utilty company! LOL

[CAT1962]

OH!...I forgot to say how sweet you are for doing that for them. Sorry. 

[irish]

It is so great to give to an individual family Lucy. I am sure they will appreciate it---at least they should. Nowdays it is hard to tell.

Our town has what is called a "Neighborhood Center" which is a thrift shop and also a place for people in need to come and get food and clothing. The Christmas season really fills the shelves up. I have seen in the big storage room and they have just rows of food products. They also take frozen meat that is wrapped---such as turkey that is prewrapped or hot dogs, etc. No home butchered meat products.

I always have such a hard time deciding whether to give cash or food products. I get to thinking that what if the money gets used in a way that I would find counterproductive---or even stolen as they have a lot of volunteers who work there.

I have finally decided to buy groceries every year at our local grocery store. We have great sales here and I can stock up on foods that are good. Things like peanut butter, canned fruit, etc. People also bring in toilet paper and kleenex, diapers, and pads and Tampax for the women. There is such a need this winter. It is the worst winter ever for people needing to use the food shelf.

No matter how little we can afford to give all is appreciated by these people who are hurting. It could be me! Irish

[Patze]

Hi Lucy,

Wow, y'all are so decent to help the family out...unfortunately these days, there is almost a "I deserve it" mentality, and that's so sad.

I'm with the others, give gift cards to WalMart, Target, or something like that for the kids as they have a lot of options without being too expensive.

For the Mom, the same as a lot of WalMart's/Target's now have groceries as well; kind of a win-win situation (maybe the mom would rethink her "demanding" cash for her kids and herself.  Probably not, but it would be nice to see if she does).

Like a lot of members, I too was brought up poor, and until I hit eleven, all I ever got (with one exception) was clothes.  I was one of the few kids in the neighborhood that hated to open gifts.   Even though I always knew what I was getting, I was grateful for the warm clothes, but watching others with their new toys sure did get old.

And Lucy, you did it because you have a most generous heart!  Don't let this family put a dent in your compassion, okay?

Take care dear lady -

Patze