Should be a time of rejoicing

[kwolfsheimer]

Well... I got a new job.  And it's an opportunity that most people in my shoes would rejoice over.  James River High School, a School of Excellence and one of the "top" schools in Virginia, asked me to teach there.  They are giving me the choice classes-- all of their leadership honors English to finish out the year.  Then next year, I pick up the dual enrollment-- the college I teach at now teaches courses in the high school.  So that's how I got the job-- one has to be hired through the college to be able to teach these classes, and I'm a former county HS teacher as well-- so I've worked for both.  So I'm paid for by the county but an employee of John Tyler College as well. 

I should be celebrating-- but I'm so scared and depressed.  I took the job because the pay is great-- my husband is already banking on my salary. It fits better with my kids schedule.  And it really is an honor-- I didn't even apply for this job, no interview, nothing. I got it totally on references.

But I'm sooooo sick.  This SJS has gotten into my lungs and I'm becoming short of breath.  On top of that, the Lotronex that I was taking to stop years of chronic diarrhea just stopped working.  I just spent two months ago listening to my gastro doc tell me that I had Scleroderma-like tightening of my esophagus and so now both sides don't work.  If it's not coming out one end, I'm vomited up the other.  My hair is falling out in clumps.  I'm so tired that I can barely move.  And my hands feel like claws from the joint pain and my hips feel like somebody smashed them with a baseball bat.

I need some prayers to help me find the strength, energy, enthusiasm, and motivation for this opportunity.

[Reanne]

Congratulations on the new job!  Hopefully the extra  money and better schedule will help you to be less stressed.  With less stress maybe your health will improve some.  I'll keep you in my prayers.  Did a doctor tell you that SJS had gotten into your lungs?  I am just wondering because I feel the same way and the local doctors just seem to tolerate me. 

[Cheryl]

Kwolf:
My heart goes out to you!  As a teacher, I understand the significance of an opportunity to teach in a top-rated school.  Does the position start now, or at the first of the year?  If it starts in Jan., maybe you can rest up (and maybe have a round of prednisone?) I would definitely suggest a trip to your dr. to see if he/she can jumpstart you.

Your husband is wanting this to happen, so he should pick up the slack at home, so that you can function at work and rest at home.   Does he realize how sick you are?  You will not be able to work 2 two jobs and run a household.

I'll pray for you.  The opportunity sounds exciting, and I hope everything works out well!
Hugs
Cheryl

[navydad]

If your husband is allready Banking on your salary,, then your going to get some major stress going on,, your going to start to feel like you need to perform just to keep everyone happy,, then things are going to get worse,, you need him to pick up the slack,, you need to reserve the energy that each day we are given a certain amount and use it wisely,, I am happy that you got this teaching job,, and I am happy that you are still able to work,, what I woulndt give to be able to do that again,, but you have the brass ring in your hand,, hold on tightly to it

[ohiolady]

Kwolf,

I'm so happy you have this opportunity but am concerned for you.  After reading your post, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn''t be able to do what you are about to do.

I think Cheryl had some great advice.  Someone is going to need to pick up the slack at home and meanwhile you need some treatment to help you manage the numerous issues you have at present.

Sending you a hug and wishes for better health.

Anna

[Lily]

Dear K -

No doubt this is a marvelous opportunity for you, and being selected without so much as a single interview is astonishing.

Concerned as follows:

1.  Your multiple, serious health issues and whether or not you'll have to bolt from the classroom because of some.

2.  The pressure to take the job because of its salary.

3.  Whether or not the family reall gets it as to how sick you are and what a struggle you're having day to day.

4.  Do you think you'll consistently get the support you'll need home so that you can get through the day on the job.

Illness doesn't recognize either our plans or timeframes.  But it can't hurt to give it a try.  It things don't work out, you can always leave.

Best wishes to you and hoping you might begin to feel better,

Lily

[BonusMom]

What a pickle you're in, kwolf.  First, let me congratulate you on getting such a prestigous position based solely on your reputation.  Truly an honor. 

I understand you don't want to disappoint anyone--your DH or the administration.  Plus, you probably fear the possibility of having to say "I can't do this" and giving up a career that you obviously worked very hard for.

I would see a therapist a couple times a months to help reign in/identify stress as it occurs so as to not cause any flares when you return to work.  I would also explain to your husband that although you ARE Wonder Woman, your health is important and if he would like you to maintain paid, full time employment outside of the home, a housekeeper is NOT an option and will go a long way towards keeping you gainfully employed. 
If meal prep is an issue at your home and your kids are old enough, have the kids be responsible for planning/cooking one meal a week and this includes cleaning the kitchen.  Or, if you don't mind cooking, let the others do the clean up.

There has to be trade offs.  Why should you have two full time jobs and everyone else in the household coast with just one?  I didn't train my DH from the outset (and his mom, a regular June Cleaver, did everything for the family) and it's taken me seven years to teach him how to unload/load the dishwasher before I get home from work. 
Be kind to yourself.  It sounds like you're a Type A (otherwise you wouldn't be where you are careerwise) and hardest on yourself.  Cut yourself some slack.  Take the job and give it your best without compromising your health.  Put as much money in to savings as you can (after paying the housekeeper) so in the event you can't continue working you have a cushion or pay down your debt.

If you don't take the job you'll always wonder "What if?"

Best of luck!

[kwolfsheimer]

Thank you guys.  You hit it just right.  I think sometimes my family, my friends, even the people at work who know I'm sick don't always get it.  When I put off things-- like social events, having dinner cooked every night, housework, errands-- I feel guilty.  I always manage to do it all, and maybe that's my fault.  Just because I don't LOOK sick, people don't always get it.  Lately though, I have started to look like I feel--so much so that people are asking, "Are you OK?"

I am hoping that a school schedule will allow me some time in the late afternoon for a nap.  I just need to make sure that I don't take my work and stress home with me. BonusMOM-- I am absolutely taking your advice.  You are SO right on all accounts. A housekeeper is first on my list. And you are right-- stress is a mjor factor in my flare ups.  It might be advisable to try some cognitive therapy.  I don't want to give up a chance-- and I fear disappointing everybody-- a major conflict with this illness.

Reanne--- I have read that SJS can affect your lungs.  I have always been susceptible to bronchitis and pneumonia every year.  It seems worse lately.  My general doc thinks that all the inflammation in my body is causing this.  I get short of breath really easily and always feel like I have the flu.  I know that sinus issues are common for us too because of the dryness issues.  Also some of mine may be gastic related because of bad reflux. 

[Dolly Dimples]

  All you can do is give it your best shot,
           if it becomes too much then you must give in .
         Money is no good if your not well enough to njoy some of it.
                              I wish you luck , and strength , Dolly

[irish]

k, I am glad that you got this job because you deserve it. I am wondering if any of your employers know about your health issues. I am going to be blunt--which everyone knows I will do.

First of all, how old are the kids and what responsibilities can they take up to help them grow up plus help around the house.

Secondly, I would sit down and have a talk with your hubby about the significance of this job, the money aspect and the impact it will have on your lives. If he is depending on your to help "bail out" the financial situation that strikes us all then you need to set some perameters. So much of the extra money to pay of outstanding debt and get debt free as soon as possible. I would tell him that you think that a certain amount should go into savings ---NO MATTER WHAT! If you are sacrificing so much there needs to be some financial security that is building up. You do not know what the future brings with your health and---all things being equal---your husbands health could go to pot also. Life is not fair. Be prepared.

Third, I would advise you to go to the doctor and get a good checkup. It could be that you are having more than an irritable bowel. Many times irritable bowel is the precurser to ulcerative colitis. You may need a more heavy duty  treatment. If one of the docs puts you on prednisone for the bowel and you get better---tah dah!!!! It is autoimmune. Why sit and suffer when you need to find out for sure what is going on. Also, the meds you are taking could possibly be interacting and causing you problems. Some of the stomach/colon meds can actually give a person more of or a different type of troublesome symptoms.

Fourth, If you can adjust the home front to be more user friendly for you and sort out your husband and kids expectations you will have a much more positive attitude towards the change. Remember that you are not taking this job to buy more play things for anybody. Define with the family how this job and extra money will help. If you can get your health straightened out some you will also do better. Be aware that you may have to find a new GI doc cause just maybe there is something that is being missed. Also, the scleroderma needs to be evaluated or maybe a second opinion--either GI or immunologist, etc.

I wish you luck. I know how hard it is to work and feel really lousy. Make sure that the ducks are all in a row and you will probably be able to do this for a few years if not longer. Good luck. Irish

[deeindiana]

I hope you are proud of your accomplishment. You earned it! Congratulations!

Others have given you great advice. So, I'll just suggest that you sit down with your husband and discuss this all very carefully and clearly. Choosing a high pressure, well paying career is exciting and brings a wealth of opportunities -- but, it also requires certain sacrifices. You both need to talk about all the good and bad points so there are not any misunderstandings or resentment later. Good luck!
Deb

[Meld256]

K,

I think there are lots of good suggestions already given. Sounds as if you have lots to think about/ talk about with family.

I wanted to congratulate you on such a pretigious honor. That must make you feel wonderful to be hired on your references, however, I totally can understand your being afraid. Please take care of your physical and emotional health first, and then rejoice!
Blessings,
Melinda

[Carolina]

Congrats K,

That is beyond an honor.......and a teacher of your caliber is a life changer, amazing.

Teaching is the HARDEST job in the world.  Period.   Even the best days drain you completely.

Yes the rewards are fantastic, but your give your body, soul, spirit, mind, energy, everything.

I've done it, in the class room for 6 years, high school Spanish, and been terrific at it.

I tried to get away from it, and did for a while, but at the end I went back into the classroom at the bequest of the College President who was my boss.   

Teaching Human Resources and management, communications this time around.   Setting up a degree completion program in a new town, finding and recruiting the students, advising them, teaching them.  Changing and enriching the lives of my students.  Helping to them see themselves and the world in totally new ways.

I do NOT see how you can do it, myself.  I could not once I had my angioplasties and stents, the year of 6 times into the operating room.

Please keep us posted on how this goes.   But please know, money, prestige, even the glorious satisfaction of doing what you love 'in the zone' isn't worth the sacrifice of your health and sanity.

Kisses

Elaine