dating and relationships and sjs

[jas1223]

i was wondering what peoples experience have been with a social life after they started with sjs
is it still posable to meet people and have relationships with this

i have been divorced over a year and was going to try to start dating then i came down with my symptoms
and i feel very self concious now about trying to date with this as i am not sure what the future hold as what my symptoms are going to be

any advice would be welcome

[jonnell]

Jason,  The only advice I can say is that if you find the right woman she will understand and be there for you no matter what.  Just be upfront with her.  Ive been married twice and they both failed, now I am engaged to a wonderful man and for once my daughters sjs doesnt impact our relationship or my sons autism.   Ans believe me having a 4 year old with sjs can put a strain on a relationship especially when it is not his child.

[wednesday mc haggis]

jas

  Yup it will affect relationships, most definately, it will seperate good decent ppl, from selfish shallow one, and in a way thats a bonus

I started feeling unwell 6 months into a new relationship, it was long distance, and yup i was a single mum with 2 kids, he gave up his job, sold his house and moved 400 miles to be with me.

  Just as he moved in i was pretty ill, and yes is did put a strain on things, i dont think at that point doing alot of crying i could have been the easiest to live with, just a month after gynaecology said well we think its sjogrens, he proposed, and next month we move into our new home.

  Ive always since my first marriage failed been someone who always expects the worst, and somehwere inside me i found trust kinda difficult, but this whole expereince has deepened our relationship and if he wasnt leaving at that point, and was still a very loving caring man, strangely its helped me with alot of issues and were a very close couple.

My friend at 24 was knocked off her motorbike, leaving her paralysed from waist down, at 28 she was diagnosed with ovarian  cancer which had spread, few years later when i met her she was single and alot of fun, someone who is a true fighter, she is in a wheelchair , she also had huge abdominal scarring from the first operation.

2 years ago she met a wonderful man, who adores the ground she wheels on, and they now live together, her cancer came back, she had a 7 hour operation, and has never been quite well since, they live and love day to day since the cancer hasnt been irradicated, and she knows at 33 with two young sons that her time is short, and he has been wth her ever step of that journey.


So take hope and get dating, for love is love and doesnt look though our imperfect eyes, no one future is a given, we just before all this took that very much for granted, as my partner said to me, we could sit here worrying about your long term, and next week a truck could run inot my car, which made me think, yup your right, no one on this earth`s future is mapped out, we just like to fool ourselves that it is

T x

[jonnell]

Wednesday,  my story is similar only mine was emotional issues and rick left his home and job in Michigan to move with me and my 3 kids in Jersey.  Ive had two failed marriages and my son Mike is 13 now but is high functioning autistic and then Jenna with her sjs but Rick loves me just the way I am and my 2 kids that are home with me.  Mike moved with his dad.   Sometimes love can change your whole personality and the sickness just makes us stronger and more caring to others.  Lots of Love   Jonnell and Jenna

[Dolly Dimples]

  Jason, just remember,  for better, for worse, in sickness and in health et'c
                       Go for it lad!   Dolly

[wednesday mc haggis]

Jonnell
yup just goes to prove that love doesnt care, and good ppl are out there,and just when you give up, love find you

T x

[jonnell]

True so true and our past mistakes make us appreciate it that much more.    Hugs and Kissess   Jonnell and Jenna

[DragonflyC]

Consider making a list of your good points and focusing on those.  Are you a loving, caring, sensitive man?  Do you know how to have fun?  Do you have a range of interests?  Women (the good ones, at least) care about those things most.  Whether or not you have red eyes, get tired easily, etc. shouldn't matter all that much.  Personality trumps everything else.

Also, and this is what helped me, put yourself in the other person's shoes.  I got married last summer, just a few months after my Sjogren's diagnosis.  It was my second autoimmune disease and seemed to promise a lot of problems.  I worried that I would pull my then fiance down.  I considered that he might have an easier life with someone else.  Then, I thought about what I'd say or think or feel if the tables were turned.  If he were the sick one and offered me an "out," I would have been so offended!  I realized that he wasn't going to marry someone else just because she didn't have red eyes and wasn't tired all the time.  He was going to marry me because he loved me.  If you met the right person and she had a disease, would you care?  She won't either.

So, keep your chin up.  Really, honestly build your confidence.  Do things that make you feel good about yourself and that you think are fun.  If you are enjoying your life as much as you can (with a few self-indulgent pity parties related to sjogren's thrown in--those are normal, too), you will find the right person.  The old song that "you can't hurry love," is true, so find happiness in your life and trust that it will happen for you.