I cant do it anymore

[trector1955]

Teresa
      Hello, My name is also Theresa but with an h. I get asked all the time about the H. I know you have had some wonderful advice. I just want to say please listen to everything. I know what its like but tomorrow will always be better. I too sometimes feel like I am doing too much for my family. Once when I was in the hospital with my heart acting up. My sister let my kids have it. It was funny. She still doesn't like for me to do stuff for my grown kids. We need to take care of us. its our turn. We raised our kids. I know its hard to listen to because I had too also but it is the truth. My other poor sister is so bad off she can hardly walk.  I have 4 sisters.When I start to feel down and out I always talk to someone, you can talk to any one on this site. we all listen and understand. God never gives us a door we can't open. I always think of a person that is worst off and I start to feel better knowing it could be worse. Things will always get better. Have you ever thought about getting disability from SS. I am waiting for a reply now.and about the cleaning, can you hire some one or check with the state. i know they can help , maybe your local church.  I am so broke. But oh well what can you do. At least I have a home and family. Once we almost lost our home. and did lose our truck messed up our credit for no fault of ours. and it took years to fix. Life is not always fair. I almost lost it than. and my son took an overdose and ended up in the hospital and a week later after we almost lost him I was fired from my job. it was the worse time in my life. You can take away my house and truck ect but not my children. They are the only ones that count. even if they are brats. Now my son is married and has a wonderful 4 year old. and now I have another grandchild 6 months. Please we all must go on.  Sure I feel sorry for myself sometimes I have always been sick my whole life and i am 53. I can't ever remember not being sick. But I go on anyway. Now at least after all these years I have found out what kinds of stuff I have. Well if you need to talk please just let me know. I like to talk. My best friend just left to go to Austria for 3 years.
Theresa

[tsharrard]

I just want to say thans to everyone. My husband does try, and I really think my teenage children are so spoiled ,, but the only person to blame is myself. They are young and capable,, I guess I am going to have to set some rules down,, If the kids would just pick up after themselves and pitch in a little that would be great. I had a good cry last night, only to make my eyes feel horrible this morning. I like the idea of taking a small chore a day to handle and even if I dont get finished just work away at it a little it at a time. Thank you all for your encouragement.
Thank You,
Teresa

[Fairy]

I am so thrilled that you sound a little better today. Sometimes a good cry is what you need. Don't blame yourself for everything your children do or don't do. They have to take responsibility for their actions, especially if they are teenagers. Boy that is a hard time to keep a handle on kids! You will get through it! One thing I would do is put a schedule on the fridge with their chores and which day to do them. And then you check them off when they are done. If they don't do them, they get to do NOTING! I went through a period with my son where he would not pick up his clothes in his room. So Every Monday was laundry day, and I put everything that was on his floor in a trash bag, and told him I was throwing it in the trash. That solved that problem after 2 weeks. I had to get creative, but it finally worked. I know it is just aggravating, but don't get stressed! Have them clean up and do the laundry, they are old enough!!!!!!Give yourself a break and keep your chin up!

Fairy

[Scottietottie]

Aw Teresa - you mustn't blame yourself. It's not your fault you're sick and you've been being a wonderful mother to your kids - it's just they need to realise that they're not kids any more.

They may be scared. They may really realise you're sick and just not want to face up to it.

Sometimes I've had things to say to my kids and I've known that if I said them face to face I'd get interrupted, or walked out on or argued with.

On those occasions (not often but sometimes) I've written them a letter, handed it to them and said "Please read this carefully and consider it". It's usually led to either change in behaviour or a civilised converation later.

If you wrote to your daughter you could tell her all sorts of nice things about herself and about how much you love her but how you really can't live up to her expectations of you because you're sick. You don't want to be - but you are and you will be less sick if she takes more responsibility for herself. You will also get more sick if you are being stressed out with unreasonable demands!

May be worth a try.  Please feel better about yourself. We all just muddle through somehow!

Take care - Scottie 

[Katybarstool]

Scottie

That is a really good suggestion. I may remember that sometime myself

Kathyx

[Fairy]

Scottie,

That is the best Idea I have ever heard. I have written my son e-mails when he was hiding something and wouldn't face me, but that is such a great thing to do. I am going to keep that in mind for myself also.

Fairy

[genko_b]

Teresa: So glad to hear from you and hear you are doing better! We always worry when one of us is having a hard time.

Scottie, The letter writing is a really good idea. When my kids were younger, they each had notebooks that they could write to me and I could write to them, for example, when I worked in the evening and wouldn't see them before they went to bed. They often got used for communicating when there was a disagreement of some sort. I have had the notebooks thrown my direction more than once! But always with something written in them. The more ways we can communicate with each other, the easier it is to get through those difficult times.

Genko

[tsharrard]

I dont mention to my kids that am actualy sick. i have always felt that their father and his family looked at people, especially young adults over the age of 18,,and under the age of 65 as being a weak person for being sick,, Like it is all your fault because you didnt take better care of yourself. I loved my dear husband dearly but everytime i was sick he blamed it on me being out of shape,, that i didnt eat right and i needed to exercise. I felt as if what ever was happening to my body was because i didnt do something right. My husband was a runner and a weightlifter, but the sad thing was he passed away from a heart attack, leaving me with three kids. I had beged him and begged him throughout our marriage to have a physical just to make sure everything was ok. He finally did ,, only because the company began requiring it. Well, we found out his holestrol was extremly high and he was to begin Lipator. He even procrasted on taking it for over a month,, and three days after he began taking it he passed away. I and my children were devastated. It has been hard on all of us. I did remarry ,, and way too soon,, but I thought it was a way to speed up the grieving process, WRONG, My new ubby and I are just now beginning to work thru things. This site has been a God Send and I am grateful for everyone.

[genko_b]

Teresa:

That's a pretty complicated history you and your kids have around illness - no wonder it is difficult for you to have a conversation with them about your own health! Right now you probably just need to do whatever you can to take care of yourself. If you look through these forums, there is a lot of collected wisdom, and you can feel free to ask any questions at all.

Take care. Here's wishing you and your family a peaceful and relaxing Thanksgiving.

Genko