Struggling to make it

[Nymph]

Hi all!

I am two weeks into my new job as a part-time instructional assistant for the 2nd grade, and exactly halfway through the semester of two grad courses in teaching. I do not know how I am going to make it. While I absolutely love teaching, I come home from every half-day totally exhausted. It is difficult to get any course work done in that state. I have the weekends, but, for example, today my POTS is bad and even if I just sit up for a little while to work my heart starts racing and head starts swimming. Other days are not so bad... but are they good enough? I am starting to see how much is too much, and I do not like it at all!    I love teaching! I keep looking for ways I can teach and not be a total zombie. At this point, being a total zombie, nothing comes to mind.

Back to my teacher leadership/ school improvement plan assignment, which amounts to something that looks good on paper but means zilch when I can barely drag myself through the day. Professional expectations on top of daily tasks? Reality bites.

Thanks for listening.

[Carolina]

Hi Nymph,

Teaching is the hardest job I ever loved and had to run away from as fast as possible to save my sanity and my health.

And I was 27 when I left after 6 years of teaching full time.

I got dragged back into the classroom, but it was teaching in college, small classes.....still it was the last straw when I had 6 trips to the operating room in 10 months, my last year.  It took three faculty to replace me and they complained it was too much!

Ha.  Well, what can I say, I guess I'm not very encouraging.   Lots of people do it and survive.  But even when I wasn't yet clearly diagnosed, I was never able to have the stamina it takes for teaching.

In fact, I never had the stamina for much, and I always secretly knew.  Other kids were pulling their sleds up the hill in freezing snow, and I just wanted to go home and have cocoa.

I was a trooper and did down hill skiing and biking and hiking.  But every ski trip resulted in days of 'illness'....now known far and wide as a flare.

I wish you well.  But teaching is what it is, you are 'ON' full steam 4-5-6 hours a day, and then reality hits you when you walk out the door that you will have to do it all over again, with the rest of your life in between?  HA.

Hugs,  Elaine

[irish]

Have you considered doing tutoring?? This way you could make your own hours and it would be one on one and much less stressful. There should be a need for tutors. I know one of my boys had a tutor in math one summer and it was a Godsend. Irish

[Joe S.]

Befor this disease overwhelmed me, I thought about recording my science presentations as videos for suscription. The company that I worked for asked me no to. Then insurance restricted them to carbon dioxide reactions. I became overwhelmed wit heart an lung issues an had to quit work. The tech today is easier than it was then.

[Ashewoman]

I can't imagine having the energy to deal with kids. On the rare occasion I encounter them, all I can think is "Can I borrow some of your zoom zoom zoom please? You look like you won't miss any?" LOL  I sometimes miss being the high energy person I was before SJS. But those days are gone. I can appreciate trying to hold on as long as you can to that and particularly when it involves a profession that you enjoy and has so many rewards. 

However, all of my advice these days about SJS seems focused on reducing physical exertion in an effort to have what I need to do what has to be done. And none of the things I'm trying to retain are ANYWHERE as exhausting as keeping up with one child for an hour-- much less a roomful for 8 hours. I agree that lowering both the quantity of kids and the duration of your efforts might be the only way to continue doing what you love without running yourself into the ground. If that means tutoring or some other one on one activity for a fraction of the time or some other smaller scale adaptation of teaching, at least you'd still have the energy to enjoy it as well.

I find that's what keeps me from taking the attitude of trudging through the exhaustion and pain because as so many not sick people say, "But you still hurt and get tired even when you aren't doing anything." Duh! But the point is if I get fatigued or stay fatigued-- I don't enjoy anything.  So I'm actually saving up my energy for the emotional pay off not because I still have SJS. LOL  Since I truly cannot stop all the pain, fatigue, and other symptoms that make it hard to feel like doing anything... occasional joy is all I got. LOL And I'm not giving up THAT by battering my body until even the fun stuff isn't fun.

That's exactly the kind of approach that eventually led my battle with depression to new dangerous depths a few years ago.  Never sacrifice the bright spots in your day, week or month like it's going to pay off later. That's not how it works for me anyway. I have to seize those and yes they are worth a little extra pain but only if I am not neglecting myself to the point pain is wiping the bright spots completely out.  And it can.  That's why I am so defensive of my bright spots.  There's already few enough of them.

Anyway, my heart goes out to you as you decide for yourself what is worth fighting for and how much downsizing you can do without completely losing the stuff that makes chugging on worthwhile. It's a very individual decision process and only those of us who have had to choose understand how personal those choices are. I know I've finally made peace that some propositions are win-lose or lose-win but as long as it's not lose-lose... and can keep my chin up that I'm not running around win-winning. LOL

Hugs, GG

[Nymph]

Thanks, everyone.

This position is temporary until June and then I will have to figure out What Next. I almost want to quit my grad program... but don't know.

I really appreciate all of you.