Semi-isolation acceptance?

[P.Trish]

It seems that my lack of 'in person' social interaction doesn't bother me, as much as it did in the not

so far off past.  This is coming from one who was immersed in people through performing,

teaching & volunteering.

I am not really sure if this is good or bad. The less I worry  (hurt feelings) that a family member or

friend is moving farther away (emotionally- less and less contact ), the calmer I feel. I have always

been the 'funny' one, so now the pressure to continue being witty,etc  is lowered.

I have a good, but busy hubby and grown children who check in now and then.  Contact with friends

is shrinking but again, I am not so bothered by this as in the past.  This is a total departure from my

former self. Is this a phase?  Or just survivor mode kicking in? 

I don't really like it, but I don't really hate it, either.

[finallyadx]

Hello P. Trish  -  I have waxing and waning of isolation...partly due to when I feel worse or better.  At first it bothered me that I was isolating myself and that I felt others were somewhat isolating me when they noticed I was not "myself", but now it does not bother me either.

Whether or not it is positive, I cannot answer that for sure.  I guess as long as you are feeling okay about it and not feeling lonely, than it is okay.  If  you start to feel really lonely or depressed than I guess it is time to try to change it up and try to get more involved in the community and with the friend circle again.

I am sorry that you are dealing with this, but it sounds like you are dealing with it quite well.  I do believe, and this is just my personal opinion, that is more survivor mode than anything.

Please take care and keep us posted.

Kim

[Head2Toe]

When my body didn't hurt so much I was busy, busy, busy.  I worked full time, participated in social activities, and did volunteer work.  I went through a lengthy period of adjustment as my symptoms emerged - I wanted to remain active but my body (and depression) became a barrier to any activity that required me to leave the comfort of my home.  Now - I have adjusted to the point where I really don't want much in the way of 'extra-curricular' activities.  I still work full time (and love my job) - but outside of office hours I am quite content to sit at home with minimal interpersonal interactions.  My need for socializing is met at work during the day, and online at night and on weekends.  Thankfully, I no longer suffer from depression so that is no longer an issue, but even talking on the phone hurts my body (hands, arm and neck ache after about 10 minutes).  I discourage phone calls, and no longer apologize for keeping the calls I do have - short. 

I have my laptop which gives me access to Skype, Facebook, a couple of online forums, and the internet which provides unlimited access to information, an e-book with an impressive library of yet-to-be read books, and an amazing husband who is an introvert - and my best friend.

I do worry about what might happen if I get to the point where I can no longer type - but I guess I would explore voice activated technology...

[Carolina]

What an interesting topic!

For one thing, what IS isolation?  I mean, I think what I am experiencing is a more calm and serene life.  A more centered life.

It came about because of my health changes, in part, and because I can't walk very well, so I just don't DO those things with people that involve walking!   

I used to be 'on' all of the time.   Even then it was exhausting and I needed lots of sleep, and recovery time.

But I really think that reading "How To Be Sick" by Toni Bernhard has taught me so much.

Besides, I'm with you guys.

Hugs,  Elaine

[Liz D.]

This is just my opinion, but I think a lot of it has to do with aging and maturing.  I noticed you are 52. I am 51 and am feeling just like you.

There are times I miss the good 'ole' days of running around having fun and tons of friends.  I still have lots of friends but I don't need to be with them all the time like I used to.  At first I thought it was because I was too sick to keep up. Although sometimes that is true, a lot of it has to do that I don't NEED it now like I used to. 

The older I get, the more comfortable I am just being by myself.  I'm happier that I feel this way and not always discouraged that I can't do much.  I guess what I'm saying is there is some serenity in being older and wiser.

Liz D.

[Pisces24]

I "grew up" before my peers so never felt I fit in or clicked.  I have always related better to people that are NOT around my age but I think they are catching up to me now as we click better. I've always found older people much more interesting and I am more intuitive.

My dad was disabled when I was 13, only child too.  Teenagers generally do not understand you can't get the latest clothes, electronics, etc. , that you have to actually work to buy what you want. Or that you have to be the one to mow the lawn, shovel the snow, trim  the hedges, clean out the gutters and at times go get the groceries. I just plain grew up faster than my peers.

I love going to garage sales, auctions, etc. and get my "fix" of social interaction (I'm not a hermit)  but I find I am not like most and like my isolation. I am just not comfortable with a lot of activity and have always been that way. So I don't think mine is based on my 57 years.

[litliwlowa]

I love going to garage sales, auctions, etc. and get my "fix" of social interaction (I'm not a hermit)  but I find I am not like most and like my isolation. I am just not comfortable with a lot of activity and have always been that way. So I don't think mine is based on my 57 years.

That about sums me up. Although I don't really consider it isolation, more like solitude - the art of being alone without being lonely.

[eye2dry]

 I feel the same way.

I do still work part-time so I get my "people fix" as my husband calls it.

But I really  enjoy my quiet time...reading, bird watching....listening to music...cross stitch


We use to take 2 vacations a year, boat on the weekend, have several cook outs in

the summer....host holiday meals.....garden club....


Now, I vacation at home and listen to the birds...smell my flowers.

Boat is long gone and now others are picking up some of the family get togethers.


I am more serene ( as Elaine said)......more layed back and savor the small things which are

soothing meaningful things.


Probably sounds boring to a lot of people.

eye2dry

[irish]

I think that when we are chronically ill or long time ill our priorities change. I don't talk on the phone much anymore and seldom call people. I feel bad that I don't feel too bad about it. The thing is I am so tired all the time that even talking at times takes a lot out of me.

I know that I look forward to getting out to go shopping but by the time I get home and things unloaded and put away I am trashed and it takes me days to recover. I find that since my hubby passed away my fatigue is more and coping ability is less. I am not going to worry about this as I took a grief class and find that strange things take place in our lives as we learn to deal with out grief.

I know that I make myself do certain things every day and try to keep some activity cause I am not wanting to get physically weaker. Some days harder to do but keep at it. All the physical, emotional and social abilities are tested during our stressful lives with autoimmune disease plus other life stressors that occur.

I think that if we are comfortable, happy and strive to be social periodically what more can we ask. The truth is that to be as active as other people would kill us. We can't keep us that level of activity or verbal communication as it just knocks our socks off. Thanks goodness for TV and computer as it keeps us up with the world around us and helps to keep our minds active.

I find that the trip to the library is always a good outing that exposes one to social interaction plus all those new magazines for free. Irish

[Helene]

This is a great topic. I have felt more and more happy to be alone. I too was the funny one and up for fun and the center of most groups I was in. When I ran out of energy, it was a relief to stay home. I live alone but I feel connected on the internet. I listen to classical music, read, paint on my iPad (it's turning into a second profession; I'm a psychologist though I've cut down to 3 afternoons a week). I also love watching Netflix or Youtube at night. That seems stimulating enough for me. I have some close friends, though I've withdrawn a lot. Sometimes I feel guilty though rarely lonely. I'm just grateful I have so many interests that fill my days. It is a very calm feeling. As others have mentioned: centered. I am 73 so maybe it's adapting to aging too. I wonder if this might be a hidden gift of Sjogren's.

[irish]

A hidden gift---what a great thought. Here we are thinking that we are failing if we are less social but in reality we are in luck because we have a reason to stay home and do what we please.

A good point about never being lonely. In my grief support group most of the people there were so lonely and that was what was the hardest for them. I do't struggle with lonely and am so thankful for that. I can make do with little things and make them an "event" that takes some time and keeps me satisfied. Going to the mail box is an event as I must use my inhaler and take my mention for my myasthenia weakness. I walk down to the mail box and enjoy the landscape and visit with my son's dog and watch the traffic and come back. By the time I get in the door I have to sit down and rest as I am tired and sweating---like a good sjoggie!!

I think the events that we plan and separate them with little treat of reading book between chores, etc can keep us busy and make the time go faster. Age is also a good thing as we don't have to hurry to do things on a schedule and do the busing of kids to and from school and activities. Basically it is good to train a child to be comfortable with themselves. Kids now days are not able to endure the quiet as they have all the electronics and "stuff" to fill up their time. Good grief! What will they do when they are older and chronically ill? Endure your time people in spite of your hurts---that is all we can do. Irish

[irish]

A hidden gift---what a great thought. Here we are thinking that we are failing if we are less social but in reality we are in luck because we have a reason to stay home and do what we please.

A good point about never being lonely. In my grief support group most of the people there were so lonely and that was what was the hardest for them. I do't struggle with lonely and am so thankful for that. I can make do with little things and make them an "event" that takes some time and keeps me satisfied. Going to the mail box is an event as I must use my inhaler and take my mention for my myasthenia weakness. I walk down to the mail box and enjoy the landscape and visit with my son's dog and watch the traffic and come back. By the time I get in the door I have to sit down and rest as I am tired and sweating---like a good sjoggie!!

I think the events that we plan and separate them with little treat of reading book between chores, etc can keep us busy and make the time go faster. Age is also a good thing as we don't have to hurry to do things on a schedule and do the busing of kids to and from school and activities. Basically it is good to train a child to be comfortable with themselves. Kids now days are not able to endure the quiet as they have all the electronics and "stuff" to fill up their time. Good grief! What will they do when they are older and chronically ill? Endure your time people in spite of your hurts---that is all we can do. Irish