My Dad & Family

[susanep]

Dad is doing pretty well. Some days his memory is not good, but hope that gets better. I didn't get to see him yesterday due to a major flare, and spent a lot of time in bed. I didn't even want to talk to anyone.

I am going to see him today. I better go before any more storms, and later possibly snow.

Take care everyone, and a big welcome to any new people here.

susanep

[susanep]

Just an update. My dad is still in the nursing home. Saturday made a week. They said he will probably be in for a total of at least 20 days. Is this typical after a knee replacement?

I seen dad yesterday, and as I was leaving I  had parked in a different spot than usual and thought I could go straight ahead of where I was. I was wrong!!!

I went over a concrete thingy, and some of my tires were in the air. There was a small drop off ahead. I had to call for a tow truck.

Found out tonight one sister is in hospital with double pneumonia, and a mass seen on her lung.

Life is interesting .

susanep

[Nancy60]

Susan,

Sorry to hear all that you and your family are going through.  I will keep all of you in my prayers. 
I am a PT and used to work weekends in the nursing home skilled units giving therapy and it was not unusual for some elderly patients to need 3 or 4 weeks of therapy before they were ready to go home, some would only need a couple weeks, but more often it was 3 or 4. 

It really depends on their health and how they are doing mentally, able to learn to do things in a differen way. 

The therapists need to be able to say a patient will be safe and able to function in whatever discharge setting they are going to, be it complete independence, or home with home health and family support. 

Don't be too concerned about the 3 week time frame, maybe ask the therapist what things your Dad needs to be able to do to get a better idea of how much more he will need. 

If you have other questions that I can help with regarding his rehab, feel free to PM me, I'd be happy to help if I can.

Nancy

[irish]

Susan, I Hope that things are going better for you. It is so stressful to have illness and then stress, involving other family members. Makes you wonder just how much a person can take. Fortunately we are all tougher than we think we are. But, we still need rest!!!IRish

[quietdynamics]

Susan,
It is very stressful having the added worry of family medical problems ... on top of our own waxing and waning, unpredictable condition. I used to stop places I liked after my visit with my mother; more often than not I would 'space out' and spend time looking around in a garden shop, a church thrift shop, a fresh fruit and vegetable market... just a bit of me time...out of the house.

I had noticed I was doing a lot a shallow breathing....like what next? So in the car, at the nursing home, I would practice sitting up straight and taking full belly breaths.....we need the oxygen.

Don't forget just because Dad is in the nursing home the PCP is still in charge. So any questions about his progress, why he is there for 20 days should be answered by a phone call to the Dr. I would go to the PT session and observe. Is Dad joining in the activities?  Some patients do become depressed in nursing homes...they want to go home.

Tire: Hope you had AAA
I am giving that as gifts to my kids 

[Nancy60]

One other thought Susan, if your dad has help at home he could probably qualify for home health care and get therapy at home and possibly some nursing care also.  I'm not sure what his living situation is, but if you think he would do better at home you might want to talk with the doctor and therapists about that. 

Nancy

[susanep]

Thank you Nancy, and everyone. We went to see dad today, and he walked out with me against orders, and I motioned for my husband to get someone. He did, and they came out to distract dad, and let him know he can go home the 22nd of this month.

I tried to call each of  my out in the twilight zone sisters, and with the first one I was trying to tell her dad came out with me, but ........... she never let me finish telling her he was safe back in the nursing home, and I lost it, and yelled listen to me for a second, but she kept talking over me accusing me of letting him potentially get hurt.

Then I called the second sister to tell her about dad, and that I had just tried to tell the other sister, but she wouldn't listen long enough to know what I was going to say, and then this sister said, just  calm down , but don't say one thing about ........... other sister, so I hung up.

My husband witnessed it all, and how they were being. I didn't have to call either one, but just wanted to be kind and fill them in. It's like they want nothing to do with me. I don't understand, but my husband said he didn't want me to have a heart attack.

After we got home I took a xanax, and started breathing like Joe tells us to do.

Me and my dear husband will both be having a second sleep study done Saturday, and we are having it done the same night, and are glad to be away from all this.

I believe we are both being tried, but that's ok. I have already forgiven my sisters, and love them, but will not be around them anymore I guess.

I didn't know this type of stuff could happen to a family. I have always had nothing but love with these two sisters  my whole life, and I am the oldest. It seems like since mom died last year everything has fallen apart.

Pray for us all. We sure need it. And take care everyone. I don't forget all of you, I have just been in the midst of a lot.

This too shall pass.

susanep

[Momedic]

I think you name says it all!  You must be a very strong person to deal with everything you are having right now!  It takes a rock to stand tall when everyone else crumbles and falls short.  You are an inspiration. I understand that you are not well, as most of us are not, but still an extremely strong person!  You have my best thoughts and my prayers!!  May you find the strength to continue on the track you need to be to take care of everything in your path!
Best wishes and God speed!!

[irish]

Susan, YOu are sure being tried. Your sisters sound like what they really need is a spanking, but I can't get there to do it for you. lol
FAmily issues are just the worst. Nothing like age and illness to bring out the worst in people.It may be that you dad will not do very well at home. If he is forgetful you will find out because he will not be able to care for himself. In home health care by the county is often the first step in caring for him.The elderly can just be the pits because of their inability to think as clearly as they once did. They want what they want but can't see the circumstances or danger in doing things certain ways. Loss of cognition. Some days I have that too, but so far I recover and proceed.

Please take care of yourselves and know that whatever decision you make is right. Your sisters sound like they have a bee in their bonnet and are not capable of making rational decisions because they are being so self involved. Good luck and praying for you. Irish

[Cassi307]

Susan I hope that you are doing well. I understand your family situation all too well. My mother had Paget's and it had progressed to the point where she could not go out on her own, would be found on the floor and then finally went into assisted living before she died. I was working full time, had a very young son and was in grad school at the time. I struggled to look after her and begged my brothers to help at least with grocery shopping or even with md visits. They always claimed they were too busy. When she was dying in the hospital they had to be coaxed into coming and then proceeded to try to criticize the decisions that I made on her behalf. Fortunately she had a living will and we had discussed her wishes extensively prior to this.
I guess to get to the point is that you will be at peace when the time comes that your father is no longer there. I know that I have no regrets despite the stress that it placed upon me. Remember to seek respite care so you can take care of yourself. You are an amazing daughter. (( hugs))

[finallyadx]

Susan - praying for you and your family.  Sorry that such burden has been placed on you and you having health issues of your own certainly compounds the stress...hope your dad is doing well and that you are finding the time to take care of yourself.

[slccom]

Susan, if I were you, I wouldn't bother letting your sisters know how your father is doing until he actually dies. They have made clear how important that communication is. But then, I have a nasty streak...
Hugs,
Sharon

[Meld256]

I certainly hope your father is being helped by therapy. Such a trying time for you, between his health, your health and the family issues.

I'm sorry you're having these problems with your sisters. I've never understood why those who aren't there to help are the ones who are the first to criticise.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Melinda

[harrigan]

Just want to say thinking of you Susan and hoping things are better for you all very soon.  xx Ailsa

[susanep]

Thank you everyone. My sisters have written me off, but that is there problem. I see dad that is home, and do what I can.

Due to flares, I sometimes have to stay in bed, and don't see dad on those days, but call him. He is getting around better now, and even goes to the store him self, but he said he fell once getting in the car.

He said, people came to help him, and then a police car pulled in to see what was going on, and others told him so he didn't talk to dad.

Dad said after he got back in the car , he left as fast as he could. I ask dad where was he. He said at Kentucky Fried Chicken. lol....

susanep