Feeling Worthless - Warning Pity Party

[artsyamerican]

I went out on FMLA October of last year because of all the pain and meds.  I filed for private disability - no problem.  I filed for SS Disability - denied.  Got a letter from work (I am a teacher) asking what my intentions were for next school year.  Which got me thinking about how much I miss teaching.  Additionally - I recently took up a new hobby to keep my mind busy and it worsened the pain in my finger joints (I was doing papercutting).  So today I decided I would just go back to doing mosaics - but when I got in the car to go buy the supplies - I had a complete break down in my car.  I felt so stupid. So worthless.  What was the point of doing mosaics? Of papercutting? I felt important when I was teaching.  Now I feel like a loser.

[amberjolie1]

I'm so sorry things are not going well right now.  I was feeling pretty worthless today, too. 

If teaching is an important part of your life perhaps there are other ways you could still be involved in teaching, without the long days?  For example, tutoring for as many hours as you can handle?  Or perhaps volunteering somewhere might help?  Again, you could probably choose how much you did, and it might make you feel important again because you'd be helping others.

Just some ideas off the top of my head.

[Luna]

You are not a loser and you are not worthless. I do understand how you feel. And I know that your not. Find something you can do. Like amberjolie1 said, even if its just a few hours here and there. You are smart and wonderful. You are worth a lot more than you realise.

Luna

[eyeamdry]

Artsy, you are worth lots and lots, especially to the kids you taught.  This is part of who you are.  If it is the past, it still is part of who you are.  Your education is still intact, even if you're not using it in a way you'd expect.  You are still you.

You should take as much time as you can without losing your job (until you're sure) or just thinking what you want to do.  Do you want to try to file for Social Security Disability?  You might check into the rules and regulations about doing that.  That takes a bit off the financial problem.  Better than nothing, but still far from what you make.  If you are on dis, you can still work part-time and/or volunteer.  If I was planning on that though, I'd consider things thoroughly.

Maybe by the time the summer if over you'd feel better by next fall.  If you tell them you're going back for the next school year, what can they do to you if you don't?  (You can't possibly know how you;ll feel then.)  Will they rip your ears off?  Will they fire you?  You'd be quitting anyhow.  As much as you like teaching, waiting a period of time might make sense.  Perhaps you will be able to teach for some time.  Wishing you well, Lucy

Artsy, it's late and I didn't read your post very well.  I did not notice the denial of Social Security.  So anything I wrote about that, please ignore.  Perhaps it's time to get a lawyer and pursue it more.

[Doxie]

Amy,

That is so hard. Don't forget how much influence you have already had on so many of your students. Just think of it now as a change, but with many opportunities. It might be a good idea to make a list of things that you could do that would make you feel like you are doing something worthwhile.

I would be careful at trying to go back to work, even part time for very long as it could make your SSDI harder and cause problems with your private disability. It seems like volunteering at a school or library, for example, might help you feel better. That would also allow you to do only what you can handle.

I'm a teacher and technology specialist. When I get back to work after surgery in a few weeks, I will try to last until June. (Thank goodness I have a lot of sick leave still) Then I will be applying for disability. I understand some of your feelings. I have so many conflicting emotions about it. I feel like what I do is very worthwhile. Since I'm struggling with work, and totally crash after work, I don't have much of a social life anymore. So it may sound silly, but I'm really starting to feel like I'm going to miss all my social interaction from work. It already makes me feel a bit down.

You are not a loser, or worthless! It probably did you a lot of good to have a good cry. Get it out. You probably need to grieve your old life before you can embrace the changes, and realize you are still important, and can do things that are worthwhile.  If mosaics help you feel good, it is worthwhile. I'm sure your friends and family love you very much!

We're here for you! Mucho hugs!

[Joe S.]

Okay I am going to try to get this correct, and I hope that you understand it... You bring the whine, I will bring some cheesy comments, we spread it on the bread-of-life for our meal and we will all feel better.

[MissyLouWho?]

First of all, (((HUGS))).  Now that we got that out of the way, I agree with what everyone else has said about you NOT being worthless!  I especially, look forward to your posts here because you always have good in sight and interesting things to say  .  I also agree with tutoring.  Is there a program where you can just go in if you feel well enough and help those that need the help right then and there?  Like some after school program where the kids gather and you can just join the group to give instruction when you feel up to it?  If not, it might be a good program for you to start with the help of other teachers and even students in higher grades that would like to volunteer some time and have it look good on their college resume  .  Might really go a long way in feeling good about yourself to have started a program like that for the kids that didn't fully grasp the day's lessons or just need reinforcement of poor skills.  I sure wish I could have stayed after school to reinforce new lessons.  I'm slow to grasp new things and it would have gone a long way with me.  Food for thought 

[A66eyroad]

(((Amy)))

Just a thought, but I have a cousin who's an artist. She recently started teaching classes at the local Hobby Lobby. She said they treat her like royalty! She only teaches one class, one day a week, and she is eligible for their health insurance as well as the employee discount, etc.

I know it's difficult right now to see how wonderful you are, but remember that feelings aren't necessarily truth. You might feel a certain way, but that's not necessarily the way it is.  Please be kind to yourself today. Think about what you might say to a hurting friend who's going through what you're going through and treat my friend Amy the way you would treat that person. Put your arms around yourself and pat yourself the way you would pat your friend.

And know we love you!

[Doxie]

Amy, just a quick thought.  If you do decide to file an appeal (which I think is what happens before you file before a hearing), here's a couple of tips I've been gleaning off the net lately, that might apply to you.

One lawyer says that almost everyone who is bad off enough to apply for disability, should always put down some kind of anxiety or depression. Even if you just mention it, and that you get down sometimes. Not that it's severe, but because by the time you go through the hoops, you can't help but get depressed, at least sometimes.  This can be very important, and help rule out some simple jobs they may say you can do.

Everything else I hear from this forum, and other web sources, is to make sure you have all your medical records in, even if you have to get copies yourself, and turn them in.  Apparently sometimes they will end up making rulings on the evidence they have, even if they don't have all the records in yet. So if you appeal, make sure they are all in.

Yes, I'm a novice at this. So don't listen to me too much. I haven't gone through it yet, so I'm gleaning what tips I can, and trying to start off with a strong case with all the documentation. This surgery recoup time is at least good for something!