Another Health Crisis

[lighthouse33]

My dad went in to have his pacemaker tested and came back with a diagnosis for fibrillation.  I believe it is the vernicular kind because the gal who ran the tests said that if they didn't do soemthing about it he was going to be dead.  First they try medicine and if that doesn't work then he will have surgery to have a difibrillator put in.  She was going to have the doctor look at the test results and then she was going to call back today, which she hasn't yet. 

My mom is stressed out, yelling at him which makes me stressed out.  She said she doesn't know how much more of this she can take.  This would make his 7th surgery since the fall of 2009.  I agree.  But when she gets like this it just wears me out. 

To make matters worse, my aunt (his sister) is dyring of breast cancer.  She now has seven tumors on her liver.  She's requested that her siblings come to visit her and in my dad's condition he can not.  Can you imagine if something happened to him and he's four states away from home.  Between both things he was almost in tears last night.

I didn't sleep at all last night.  Am trying to stay as calm as I can.

[Katybarstool]

Lighthouse

You have more than your share of worries. I'm really sorry to hear about your parents' situation. And for your dad not being able to visit his sister.

Hanf in there, and know that we are sending you all the positive vibes we can.

Kathyx

[Carebear]

Dear lighthouse,

I am so sorry to hear about your dad's health and the stress it is putting on all of you.  It must feel especially difficult given your aunt's request to see her siblings before she passes on, and your dad's inability to travel.  And it's hard to see our parents so upset.

What is most important right now is that you take good care of yourself.  I know it's easy for me to say, but really, you need your sleep, nutritional food, and some kind of stress management to get you through this. 

And you will get through this.    Thanks for sharing.  Please let us know how you are doing.

[Carolina]

Breathe in (I am)

Breathe out (calm)

The key:  you are not in charge, Lighthouse.

Whatever happens, you are not in charge of the world and how things turn out.

You are not in charge of your mother, or your father, or his sister.

You are there to be of use as you can.

And to care for yourself so that you have some strength to be useful.

Useful, but not in charge.

Everyone is scared.   Fear is corrosive.    Adding to the pain.

Let it be.

My thoughts and my heart are with you.

Keep us posted, and rest.

Hugs

Elaine

[lynnmarie219]

((((lighthouse)))))

I don't have any magic answers...but I want you to know that people here do care so feel free to vent away if it helps.

I'm sorry for all that is going on with your family and all at once...please try to take care of yourself as has already been said...it's important!

[Cricket]

I am so sorry you are going through this.  It is very stressful when our parents are ill, try to take care of yourself.

Remember you are in our thoughts.
Cricket

[Pisces24]

Sorry if this sounds "crass" or whatever BUT your mother needs to understand it is not about HER it is about your father. She sounds too stuck on how it will affect her.  I undersand she is scared and this is probably her way of dealing with it. BUT, she needs to find another way to deal with it. 

I would recommend your mother talk to a counselor (not a physchologist or or physciciarist) just someone not personally connected with her to talk.  Sell it to her as to help her handle her stress.  Most companies have set up in their health plans 3-4 sessions a year paid for to talk to a counselor so it wouldn't cost her/you all anything. I'd look into it.

Here is a bit is wisdom a counselor told me. You can't always change your situation But you can change how you deal with it and how it affects you.   It ain't easy but can be done.
Good Luck!

[Bucky]

Lighthouse,

I'm sorry everything seems to be hitting all at once for your family.

It's a tough situation for all involved.

In reference to your aunt - would there be a way for your Dad and his sister to "see" each other via Skype?  I don't know all the details on how to set up Skype, or how much it costs, but I know a lot of people use the Skype feature to keep in contact with family & friends.  Just a thought.

Please take care of yourself, Lighthouse.  I hope you get some rest tonight.

Bucky

[lighthouse33]

Mom and dad just left for the hospital / heart center.  He will have an EPS test today to see what they are dealing with.  It is a test of the electrical system of the heart where they go up through the groin and insert electrodes into the heart and shock it in different places.  After that they will decide if he needs a difibrillator.  If he does, they will do the surgery for it tomorrow and he will spend Wednesday night in the hospital.  If he doesn't need one, he will still have to spend tonight there because the EPS test is an invasive procedure.  

I agree with Pisces, mom needs to handle her stress better.  It wouldn't even bother her at all except that because of her condition she has to prop her leg up all the time and this is impossible to do at the hospital.  We've been through so much with him, we are both burnt out.  And to top it off, he has an appointment in June with a vascular surgeon to see what can be done about his numb legs.  He already has stinits in the legs.  Anyway, that looks like another surgery looming.

As to my aunt, Bucky you have an excellent idea, my aunt has Skype and my dad was asking about it.  I told him that if he wanted to get it installed to call our computer guy and have him come out and do it.  It's beyond my capabilities.  My aunt is not doing well.  She is continuing to take chemo and is throwing up afterwords, not eating and sleepoing a lot.  Her sisters have not come yet and we're miffed about this.  Her husband is having difficulty caring for her and he needs some help.  I think it's time for them to call in hospice but it is not my call.  Think this would make her more comfortable.

[Carebear]

It's good to hear from you, lighthouse.  You sound better than you did in your original post, and I hope that means you are feeling a bit better too.

I can relate to you're being burnt out by all your dad's surgeries and hospital visits.  I experienced similar with my dad, and I know how stressful and exhausting it is.

I wish the best for you, and for your family.

[lighthouse33]

Dad had a combination difibrillator - pacemaker installed yesterday.  He had a bad night last night.  Mom left to pick him up.  I hope that he doesn't have to go back to the hospital because this seems to happen every time he has someting done.  They were running tests on him this morning to see why he was running hot and cold but they must think everything is fine.