Am I being unreasonable?

[Scottietottie]

Hi 

Some of you will know that my first granchild was born in September this year. I'm in the UK. My grandson is in Missouri. My husband and I are hoping to visit him during the Spring

Holidays. We have to fit visits in with term times.
I was talking to my son last night (don't often hit the right time zone to actually talk.) It was great seeing the baby awake and kicking.    My son dropped a bombshell however. He told me he doesn't think he can accomodate us when we come over but he'll be happy to look for a hotel. he said one of us would be OK but two was a bit much. He said its because his basement isn't finished.

Now I know he has a living room, a baby's room, a kitchen and bathroom in good order. I've seen photos of his house, which we helped him with the deposit on - and its not tiny.
Last time I stayed he was in an apartment and slept on a settee in the living room. An airbed on the floor would do. Hubby and I don't demand luxury! I used to live in a msall house and when my parents came to visit I would take one - or both of the kids to sleep in our room with us and give their room over to the visitors. The baby is only going to be 7 months when we go visit so I don't see why they can't do that.

Staying in a hotel is going to make the trip a lot more expensive and will also probably mean paying out for an international licence and hiring a car - which we weren't intending to do as neither of us want to drive on the other side of the road.
Hubby is threatening to email him and say that we'll put off visiting till they have their basement sorted. I really want to see the baby while he still is a baby though. Am I being unreasonable wanting them to put us up? We are planning being there for about 10 days. As that includes flying it'd be 8 days actually with them. We don't want a US holiday. We just want to see our grandchild!

Take care - Scottie 

[Joe S.]

"We do not need anything special. We can purchase an air bed when we come over so we can help take care of our grandchild while we are there. This would allow you to have a break and a date night. Grandma and Grandpa would like some baby time, please."

A version of this is what we used with our daughter. While I was there I helped work on the house for them. Jan took care of our grandson. We paid for them to have dinner and a movie as well as most of the other meals that we had there.

I hope that this helps. By the way, I spent a year in misery (MO) one month.

(5 grandsons)

[Carolina]

Scottie, you are being a grandmother!   

Amen to what Joe says   He says it perfectly.   

And an air bed is like $40, really.     

And even if you did stay in a motel, why wouldn't they come and get you every day?  (just a question)

The baby will be old enough that they should want to go out, so that offer is a great idea.  Baby sitter are outrageously expensive these days.

And of course you don't want a US holiday.  You want to love that baby, kiss him, smell him, make him smile, become part of his story of life, and make him part of yours (substitute 'her' if needed here).

I flew to Paris and Honolulu every year for six years to see my grandchildren and everyone thought, I was having a great VACATION.   We just wanted to see the kids, and it was a terribly expensive way to do it, let me tell you.  Yes, we were in great places, but that was totally secondary.  And ALSO outrageously expensive great places.  A trip to McDonald's cost $50 in Paris, Yikes.

Keep us posted on your progress.   

Kisses

Elaine (grandmother of 5 - two born in Paris, two in Honolulu).

[Bucky]

Scottie - no, I don't think your being unreasonable. 

I like Joe's dialog . . . .

I know for myself, when I go "home" to visit family - if we didn't stay with them, we wouldn't be able to afford to visit very often.  When you have to factor in hotel costs on top of airfare, it can become quite an expensive visit.

I live too far from them, or I'd let you stay with me.   

Bucky

[Shani]

I agree with what everyone has said already Scottie.
It would get quite expensive having to book a hotel.
It's your grandchild after all, and you want to be as close as you can to him.
You even will be able to help out, I don' t see how they wouldn't appreciate your company in the house.

Hugs!

[Carolina]

Now I know he has a living room, a baby's room, a kitchen and bathroom in good order. I've seen photos of his house, which we helped him with the deposit on - and its not tiny.


Direct cut and paste.

No one need EVER SAY MORE!!!!

Elaine

[Scottietottie]

Lol! I  forgot to mention they have their own bedroom too!

Thanks for the advice and the support. Offering to buy an airbed (thanks Joe) is a much better idea than one that crossed my mind. I thought I could maybe rent a campervan/RV (?) and park it in his yard.

The last time I visited them I explained that I really did not expect to be wined and dined and taken to see the sights because I just wanted to see them. I imagine that my son will probably be at work when we visit. I know they have a local park and I'm sure hubby and I can go for a walk in it (possibly even with the baby!) and not be on top of our daughter in law the whole time. ..... I was taken sightseeing and wined and dined but I usually picked up the cheque. As far as I know - I get on with my daughter in law really well. We've never fallen out about anything and I'm being very careful not to make any comments about anything I disagree about babywise. It's her baby and I intend to keep right out of it!! (Of course I'd be happy to babysit)

Thanks Bucky!!!! 

Take care - Scottie 

[lynnmarie219]

Nope...don't think you are being unreasonable at all Scottie.

And I would definitely think that new parents would love to have some time off and maybe a date night or two without the baby....especially knowing that the baby is safe and in good hands with grandma and grandpa!

I would try to send an email with the air mattress and babysitting suggestions like Joe said! If that don't work...try..I'm the mom and I said so!! lol...kidding of course! 

[genko_b]

How exciting to contemplate seeing your new grandchild!

But boy, this takes me back to when my first child was born. Rachel being the first grandchild on both sides of the family, both my parents and my husband's parents were anxious to spend some time with us. Of course my folks were with us for the first three weeks, helping us get settled in. My in-laws gave us a bit of time on our own, and then asked to come out. Rachel was about three months old.

However, I was a complete mess by then, a basket case, and could not imagine having them stay with us at all. We had modest but perfectly adequate accommodations for guests - a sofa bed in the living room - but my raging hormones and complete lack of sleep made me incapable of considering having my in-laws stay with us at that time. I felt very overwhelmed by everything - lack of privacy, lack of time, responsibility for this new life, a complete disruption of my life as I knew it. Of course my mother-in-law completely understood - she had had five kids! And I love my mother-in-law. But we could have had three guest bedrooms and servants and I would have felt the same way. I just wanted to be alone at that time and couldn't see past that.

Just remembering how I felt back then, I'm wondering how it would be if you go ahead and schedule the trip for term break, but don't ask your son about accommodations with them for another month or so. You might get a different answer. Just a thought. I'm sure it will all work out one way or another.

Take care,

Genko

[Bonnie]

Scottie,

I just checked and you can buy airbeds at amazon.com  you could even buy your own airbed and have it mailed to them.  I am from Uk and my husband is from Italy, we visit family and just sleep where ever they can fit us.  We don't expect fancy dinners, we try to keep out of their hair as much as possible.

I don't think you are being unreasonable.  I just wonder if the shoe was on the other foot with your DIL would she expect her mum not to stay, and not spend time with the baby.

[Joe S.]

Everyone seems to be focusing on the DIL objecting to this but it could be her son. My daughter did not want us to come and visit until the remodel of her basement was done even though some friends and I did most of the work. With her mindset at the time, everything had to be perfect. All or nothing. She still has problems with leftovers. Jan and I have no problems with left overs. Jan sleeps on the bed in the guest room and I sleep on the couch in the family room.

My mother had a saying, "fish and guests begin to stink after 3 days". I try to keep our visits to 10 days or less. preferably less. Jan wants longer visits. She ends up doing all the housekeeping and taking care of the kids also.