I filed for disability. The next day I went to the Neurologist who said I can't drive now. On that same day our best friend gave me a nice car becausse nime had been running bad.
I'm a work aholic. A great worker has always been what I was known as. Now I can't work or drive.
I'm not depressed but the days just drag on. We don't have tv or internet at home. (I havet to walk 5 blocks to the library.
Now I don't know who I am if it's not a worker. Ho hum........
Brings back memories for me...it is a huge adjustment, especially for a "workaholic".
The first year disabled, I found it easier to adjust by getting involved in volunteer work - of the kind that offered the flexibility which would accommodate those days my get up and go got up and went.
Part of the adjustment included having less and less in common with former associates who of course were able to work. One could even say it is significant loss which is what it is.
The first few weeks were the hardest. For 26 years, I was used to up at 4am, put on the coffee, jump in the shower, open up my day planner, and so on - out the door by 6:30 am and work mostly non stop in a job I dearly loved.
So in the beginning, especially that first day, I did my usual routine then it hit like a ton of bricks...oh, no need to plan my workday and reports and audits and such that need to be done. There is no workday TO plan.
I twiddled my thumbs as I drank my coffee and said to myself "okay, now what?". Well, truthfully I was beyond physically exhausted and basically pushed myself the last three years of my employment on sheer will and determination that some how some way I will make it to full retirement from my employer. I did accomplish that, but at great cost to my health.
So the first few months, a lot of my day time was spent being sent to various specialists. labwork was coming up with concerning results, dropped weight like crazy (145 to 109 in three months and yes I was eating quite well). The fatigue was awful, but not surprising really, but I did enjoy finally being able to decompress and really have some time just to spend with me.
I stayed in touch with a few of my coworkers and people I supervised, but that didn't last long. Mostly as we really had nothing in common anymore. They couldn't relate to being disabled, we no longer had shared experiences at work, so after a time life just moves on.
But I did get involved in volunteer work which I found very helpful for the transition. Plus it was a way I could feel useful as opposed to sitting around and twiddling my thumbs wondering..."who am I now?"
Another thing I did was apply for Voc Rehab services. That was helpful to me in that finally I received for the first time ever in 21 years TBI rehab. It was also helpful as a reality check that truly I could no longer hold gainful employment nor was there any other employment I was trainable on.
I also got involved in a support group which was helpful in making the adjustment.
But until my thyroid went Hashi's, the most invaluable thing I got involved in was Advocacy Council in FL. We had full quorum on the council, so as cases came up for investigation, if I was in flare and couldn't invest the time to work a case, there were others who could pick it up. So it was minimal impact that afforded the flexibility I needed.
We find our value where we invest it. When we're not longer able to work, there are seemingly small things we can be involved in and still do that instill our sense of having value and has it's own return.
I chose the Council (gubernatorial appointee) as it served the disabled, of many levels of disabilities and multiple disabling conditions including mental health issues. And it was as humbling as it was rewarding. Unfortunately, I was only able to serve 2 years instead of 4, as my health deteriorated further.
But I learned so much in that 2 years, that even disabled I still have purpose in being and I did make a difference in that 2 years. Sadly, the Local Advocacy Councils throughout that state were shut down due to budget cuts about a year after I resigned.
As you settle in to your new status, find that which you passionately care about and make your own niche to make it work for you. Even a couple of hours a week gives you a sense of purpose, for we do all need that - fair to say?
There's a nitch for you beyond the initial "ho humm, who am I now?" You'll find it, but it is a huge adjustment to go from workaholic to your new status. That nitch is within that which you passionately care about and it may not necessarily be volunteering.
Another passion I was finally able to pursue was photography. Not in any professional capacity, but I discovered I actually have an eye for it. A friend help me learn on a digital camera that I can swap out lenses on and I joined a photo club that had photo shoots once a month for a couple of hours.
My point is your "status" has changed, but you will find your new niche. Give it time.
Hugs
Amanda
Hi Jozee,
Time to find out who you really are.
A work=holic is on top of who you really are.
Now that layer is gone. Maybe hard to let go of, but there's so much more waiting for you.
Relaxation and meditation, and perhaps reading a book I find very useful:
How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers by Bernhard, Toni
It really isn't about 'being sick' and it isn't religious or spiritual exactly.
It is more how to live with chronic conditions, and how to find Jozee.
Hugs, Elaine
How sad that I can understand and identify with this.
When I retired I had Kidney disease but was not sick enough to not work so I started to volunteer teer at church. Being an A type I started out doing clerical work and added on another duty that was the equivalent of working full time. Fast forward and I became ill with Sjogren's and I had to cut down on the job that included the most stress. I am really struggling with this and feel like I have a hole that needs to be filled. Unfortunately I can't fill the hole until I improve my physical strength.
If you are up to it try volunteering somewhere that doesn't require a lot of activity. Maybe a reading program. It gets easier with time. Use some of that time to nurture yourself.
QuoteUse some of that time to nurture yourself.
Well stated. One of the hardest challenges, in my opinion and experience as a "former workaholic", we often forget to make time to nurture ourselves.
Jozee, given that you can no longer drive, check into your local transportation to see what transportation options might be available for disabled persons in need of transportation. We have that here with the local transit authority and there is paperwork to complete which your neurologist is probably the best choice to complete the medical part since he is the one who said you can no longer drive.
It's not free here, but it is reduced cost
I know I'd be really feeling it if I got to the point I couldn't drive. My car is my independence in effect.
But perhaps exploring transportation options, depending on your limitations, would give you a better sense of control and independence in your new circumstances.
That was another aspect when I was deemed fully disabled - that initial sense when no longer able to work that I was not as in control of my life circumstances as I believed I was. It was more than "who am I now?" - it was also woah, I've lost some of my independence - earning a living and for me that was a huge thing to be able to work and support myself as long as I did.
Hi :)
I broke my arm in August 2012. It wasn't operated on until March last year. It has not healed 100%. I was made redundant from work not lo9ng after the break. I have ended up not looking for another job, partly because the arm still feels far from right. I got old enough to get my pension - so I guess I'm a pensioner now but work was important to me.
The energy I put into work, I now put into enjoying myself! I joined a 'silver programme' through a local music venue and I attend a folk group (learning to play a bodhran) a bluegrass group, an african drumming group, a soul singing group and an accapella group that I have attended for about 10 years now. The music lifts my spirits and gives me a bit of respite from pain. (I can 'put it' somewhere else) I do quite a bit of walking to get to the music venue and home again. (I couldn't drive for months and decided to keep with the walking because I think its good for me) I spend almost as much time with these activities as I spent at work because latterly I was working part time.
I understand lack of energy but I thoroughly recommend channelling any energy you do have into something you truly enjoy. You will find the new you!
Take care - Scottie