I just don?t know what to do. There is no way out. I try to do things to stay positive and it all ends in negativity.
Take Christmas, just last week I was planning a wonderful celebration for my parents, wrapping parents, putting up decorations in the kitchen etc.
Mom starts screaming and yelling at me about all of ?my medical costs.? I just lost it, and yelled ?my medical costs ? you and your oxygen ? you smoked all your life and didn?t take care of yourself!? Her first reply was that that has nothing to do with it and that her expenses were to be expected. Her second reply was that I have to cut back on my expenses. My reply was ?do you have to ruin everything!?
I relay this conversation to dad later and he starts yelling at me ? you?ve got to learn how to keep a budget, implying I?m incompetent to live on my own. He says mom got that information about expenses from him, which I kind of knew already.
So, Christmas is ruined ? I haven?t mentioned it since. I?m exhausted, not sleeping, concerned about my future. Mom always told me I could live on my own, I guess that was another one of her lies!
I didn?t spend that much on Christmas, six of the gifts are from my brother and most of the rest are calendars and stuff for next year. All I?ve ever wanted was to live on my own and to be left alone.
Apparently, I?ve been a burden to my family. Wish someone would have told me that, I could have moved out to a shelter or halfway house. Instead, mom lies to me twenty years back and says it?s fine for me to move back home when it?s not. She never has loved me and has never been able to deal with my blindness or my Sjogren?s. My brother is her favorite. She only kept all this hidden because she smoked; since she quit in 2010 it has been payback time. I told dad the other day that I wished she?s had a back alley abortion all those years ago instead of having a child she didn?t want.
My brother is joining in on the act by demanding to know what my plans are after mom and dad die. He thinks he?s going to get stuck with me. When you know what freezes over. That will not happen!
I?m just going to have to wait it out ? five, ten years ? who knows when it will end.
There is really nothing anyone can do. Thank you for listening.
(((Lighthouse33)))...saying prayers now that you may find your way through this difficult time.
Oh, honey, you are blameless in this. Are you in the U.S.? There are independent living centers that can help you to move out and find a place to live with the supports you need. There is no reason you can't live elsewhere, possibly in a group home where you will be with people who, if they do not actually love you, at least don't resent you for existing. God knows vision loss isn't enough to stop you from living on your own, but you might need some help, especially getting started.
It is really sad that your family is so dysfunctional, and, it appears, unable or unwilling to clearly communicate feelings and resolve issues. If you can get them to family therapy, and they will participate with open hearts, that would be magnificent. Also as unlikely as finding a pony under the Christmas tree, from what you say.
I would guess that Christmas is ruined for you, and it is time to reach out for help to get on with your own life. I would be glad to suggest places and people to reach out to if you contact me. On the bright side, this could be the nudge (ok, shove) you need to get moving. In fact, it could turn out to be a wonderful present.
I have a very large family. I have one brother, one mother, a brother- and sister-in-law, a husband, a wonderful father-in-law, and 5 dogs in my life regularly. I also have a huge spiritual family, people who are my "family" of my heart. Some are lifelong, some are there for a reason or a season.
There are some relatives whom I avoid whenever possible, too. My husband's mother is not someone who I will ever be alone again. She just spews hate; it is one of those divorces that you KNOW who was to blame. I don't consider them family. Sadly, my own brother is one of those. We are like two only children who happen to have the same parents, and he absolutely does not accept me as I am. I love him, and he loves me, but we get along best with significant distance between us.
I hope you can start finding the family of your heart who believe in you, and support you and your dreams, and give you a rich, full life very soon.
Hugs, Sharon
Oh, sweetheart. You know that none of what they say is true. I just get so angry when I hear how they treat you. They are lucky to have such a sensitive, caring daughter. Shame on them and double shame on your brother.
How are you feeling today? And how is that handsome cat of yours doing? Make sure you give him extra love, especially right now. Pets sometimes make the best family. ;)
Today was a better day. Dad took mom to a doctor appt and they were gone for 4 hours. Gave me some breathing space.
My handsome cat is doing fabulous! No more vomiting since we took away his dry food. He has been having multiple sneezing fits this afternoon. Don't know what's up with that. Something must be tickling his nose! Or maybe he's getting a cold.
Dad said when he went to bed last night, guess who was in it - the cat! Dad felt bad removing him but he had to put him out. Must be cold poor thing and of course wants all the attention he can get!