He's going to have ANOTHER major joint surgery - patella alignment on right knee. 27 yrs old. 5 surgeries since first back injury at 15. Patella (kneecap) is deformed and causing lots of pain - really no choice about the surgery. He has rough dry skin, drinks fluids all the time, and has lousy joints. His whole body aches. Weather changes do him in. I'm afraid he has Sjogren's like me, and that this surgery - they have to remove all ligaments from the bones, fix the patella with metal plates, and reattach ligaments with screws and God knows what else. He'll be laid up for months. Ortho said 70% success rate. 30% more or less have no change, but some come out of it in worse shape. If son has Sjogren's this sounds like a scary proposition. But he won't get tested. I know I can't run his life, but I am SO SCARED. Help please.
hmmm... could call and tell the Dr's office that you want to make sure Dr is aware of family history...
Gayle, do you think they would talk to me since he is an adult now? And oh my goodness if they let it slip that I "ratted him out" about possible Sjogren's, he would never speak to me again. I am so torn about this.
Hi Dianne
Once our kids are adults it is REALLY hard! They are always our kids but once medical confidentiality kicks in - its tough. My oldest son dropped out of university due to severe depression. Our doctor would not discuss him with me because he was over 18 and he would not go to the doctor and we had two years of hec!
If he has the same doctor as you I would voice your concerns - possibly in a roundabout sneaky way and tell the doc that stress over worries about your son were causing you to flare! I think sometimes one can write lettters and request that they be kept confidential so a doc could get a 'heads up' but the source would remain unknown.
Whatever surgery your son goes through make sure he goes through with the physical therapy afterwards. Having had a partial knee joint replacement I know how much it hurts but also how much it helps.
Take care - Scottie :)
I worked in a Dr office. Many times we had a patients family call to tell us, confidentially, something they felt was important. 95% of it was important. It was always dealt with by the dr in a way that the patient had no idea and was never told that a family/friend had called...
So... Mr. BeckandCall, do you think you have anxiety at all. It seems your bp goes up when we meet.
So.. ms Dunkthatdonut, I think the best thing to do to help you get your BP under control is to get some weight off, I want you to speak with a nutritionist.
So.. Mrs. Iwannadrink, I do have a medicine to help your headaches but first, do you drink alcohol? How much? Maybe we need a different medicine unless you can stop...
You get the idea. Do you know the dr or the office at all? I would just start the conversation with your concerns he NOT KNOW you called. I would make that very clear. If they say they will keep anything confidential you have to trust they will. If not, he would get over it, he would realize you are mom and moms care..
Let the Dr say to him.... So, Mr Dryasabone, I see your skin is so dry, your joints hurt, I want to make sure what we are getting into before surgery and I think we need some labs.. (by the way, they should do some labs before surgery anyway so he would be getting stuck)
Good luck, it is hard, my dad, last year would call me every day to ask if I was okay.. I had had pneumonia for the 6th time in 4 years... surprised, I know... anyway he called my work number and asked someone else how I was doing... :-\ Was annoying but okay, he is my dad... Now he thinks I am his waitress.... I would rather that he was pestering someone else about me. :'(
Gayle
I agree with Gayle.
If a child was running in the street after a ball and a car was coming, would you not do something? Same thing here. I know how our boys can be as adults, have two of my own - and they are the exact same way as you describe your boy.
I also know, the tougher they act, the more sensitive they are deep inside - it's a cloak. He's scared of Sjogren's, probably from watching you and what you go thru. That's understandable.
He needs treatment for it, so would say something to the doctor - in the way Gayle explained to do it.
His knee surgeon is not his normal doc, so I would also make a call to his normal doc too.
Sometimes, we just have to do what is right and worry about the feelings later. His doc may script something that would make his symptoms worse! you never know, but you can keep it from possibly happening, if in fact he has sjogren's - if not, at least you will find out.
Good luck, stay strong, and keep your reason. Your boy loves you, and he will continue to love you. He'll mature and understand when he sees his own children sick down the road. (if he finds out.)
My boys thought I was just evil - now they get it and say I was the best mom they could ever ask for. It always looks worse in the present than it does in the past.
You have given me WONDERFUL advice. The doctor will know. And I am hopeful today because I had inquired at Ohio State University Medical Center, and just got an email back that they have a doctor who specializes in knees and ligament/cartilage rebuilding. I know my son is being watched over by the One bigger than me - and I had been websurfing and found what looked like a great doctor for Evan, and lo and behold! the Ohio State email gave me this guy's name, number, and assistant's name and when to call for appointment.
I remember when Evan was in second grade. It was Valentine's Day and I arranged for a women's barbershop quartet to go to his classroom and sing "You Are My Sunshine" and a couple of other favorites. The teacher was in on it, of course. Where I live there is a HUGE barbershop chorus called the "Sweet Adelines" and they go all over the world and win contests, and as a fundraiser they divide up into these quartets and rent themselves out on Valentine's Day, peoples' anniversaries, and so on. Evan is very musical and has always loved this kind of stuff, so I thought it would be a big treat for him and the class.
Apparently the class thought it was weird and "lame" and he was totally humiliated. He is now 27 and still brings it up from time to time. It's mostly just teasing now, but he describes it as his earliest traumatic experience.
Hence, my gun shy attitude about snitching out the doctor re: the Sjogren's. Oh well, I guess you moms are right - give him another 20 yrs or so and he'll probably forgive me again.
Thanks so much!
Diane
My son wanted to join the marines about a year after he had a seizure - I totally snitched. He didn't go in - he's alive and well and loves me and is getting married this month.
Glad you found someone you're confident in. Make sure the anesthesiologist knows about the Sjogren's - it's important.
Good luck!
Hahaha, Diane63, if my mom had sent the Adelines to my 2nd grade class, I would have been mortified beyond belief!
But this is different. This is about his health. They aren't going to say, "Hey your mom called, and guess what she said?" If it ever comes up, you can just say that you weren't sure if he was aware of all of your family medical history, and since anesthesia etc can be affected by some of these things, you decided to contact the docs directly, instead of giving HIM yet another thing to worry about.
Adeline, that is smooth. I like that very well put response you offered.
Dear Meow,
Thanks for your input about the Sweet Adelines. Guess I really did blow it bigtime, didn't I? Never again.
But you are right - I am going to let the doctor know, absolutely. Too much is at stake here to let my son not disclose what needs to be said.
Why is your name Meow?
meow was the screen name I chose back in the 90s...I have 4 cats at the house, 2 at the shop.
Brake jobs? Oil change? When will the ones at the shop be home? ;D
Sharon
Quote from: slccom on August 07, 2012, 08:38:45 PM
Brake jobs? Oil change? When will the ones at the shop be home? ;D
Sharon
Heating and cooling business. The cats keep the shop bird and vermin-free, so they will not be living at the house any time soon.
It's actually called the Ranch, from when we used to race stock cars out of there. At one point we had 4 cars on the team, and an observer remarked, "There sure are a lot of horses (horsepower) out here," and the Ranch was born.
How fun! We had two dogs at different times who were great mousers. Our Old Engllish Schoodle (Half Old English Sheepdog, half poodle, undoubtedly entirely unauthorized) darted at something, my husband saw two little legs and a tail sticking out her mouth, and then Daisy gulped, and no more legs or tail!
Patches was lost, injured and on his own for quite a while before he came to Camp Campbell, and hunted to survive. He was VERY interested in a bottom drawer in the kitchen, so we removed the drawer, he went in, there was a very brief skirmish and he emerged with a dead mouse. Boy, was it gone fast! Another time, two birds were in a territory war and were so busy fighting each other that they got too close to the ground -- and Patchy, who was watching with great interest. Snap, and snatch, and the fight was definitively won by one of the dogs! He was so mad when we wouldn't let him eat the bird, though! Another time, I went outside, sprained my ankle on an uneven concrete, and Patchy ran past me in a hurry. I was kind of preoccupied at the moment and thought nothing of it. When I hobbled up the stairs to go back to bed, there was a dead bird in the hallway. I am so grateful that he didn't put it under the bed, where it would have started to decay and we would have had a heck of a time finding the problem!
Sharon
WOW Sharon! Great dogs!!!!