I thought I would be doing better now since my precious mother passed away in March of this year, but it only seems worse.
Going through the holidays, with mothers day, her birthday, and her and my dad's anniversary,etc. It just keeps feeling worse.
At night I start crying. When I see my dad working so hard to just stay busy I want to cry. Dad turns 80 this September. He has a lot of arthritis otherwise he is doing pretty good for that age.
I try to visit with dad often, and I live right next to him so it's not hard, but I still have to spend time with my husband too, and then time out for all the days I am sick.
My faith usually carries me through, and it does, but I just feel kind of weak right now, and I know the power of prayer, and wanted to ask everyone here that can to pray for me.
It's so hard just wishing I could see momma one more time, and give her one more hug.
Thanks
susanep
Susan, Here are some prayers going up for you. You have been through a lot. It is hard to lose a parent--especially when you have been so close to them.
The one thing that can be such a blessing is knowing that your relative was "ready to go" as the saying goes. Generally people who have life and faith figured out feel a much better sense of peace about death. One thing that makes a huge difference is being older.
I am hoping that you can find a way to accept the aging and grievinig process that you dad is going through. There is no way that any of us are going to get out of this part of life. Is there any way that your dad can come over to your house and spend some time while you can lay on your couch and be miserable. Probably help him to get out of the house also.
The other well known fact is that women do much better at widowhood than men do at being a widower. Women just know how to entertain themselves and are more accepting of these parts of life. Men think they should be working or fixing something and the inactivity really does them in.
Try to make time for yourself every day cause you sound like you are trying to be all things to all people right now and still trying to work out your grief. God be with you and keep your in His Grace. Irish
Irish, thank you dear. You have always been so sweet on here, and continue to be to many. Besides the prayers, what you said helps a lot, and mean a lot to me.
I will probably print it out, to read when I need to.
Thank you
susanep :)
Dear Susanep. I am really sorry to hear about your mom. I think a loss like that would test anyone's faith. But like you said, God knows what we need. We just need to let him take control and allow him to speak to us.
I will keep you in my prayers and pray that God may help you with your grief.
Thank you sktaylor, that is very kind of you. I am glad to get prayers.
susanep :)
Susan
Just sent a big prayer heaven bound for you! And sending a big hug to you also.
I know it is very hard to lose a parent and have to see the other go it alone, sometimes I think they are so much stronger than we think. Cut yourself some slack right now, you can only do so much. If your dad is well enough maybe he could come by you for dinners and then he would have something to look forward to each day. Maybe just find a way to incorporate him into your life, he could ride with you when you have running to do, etc.
Hope you feel better soon!
Losing a mom is hard.. It took a year before the pain of losing my mom started to get better.. My dad passed away when I was 15, my mom passed away when I was 35 and I couldn't believe how much I felt like a little lost orphan.. I had lot's of brothers and sisters but it didn't help the way I felt..
It does get better with time though.. Just allow yourself to grieve how ever long it takes.. I'll keep you in my prayers..
Hi Susan :)
March is not that long ago. Grief takes longer to work through than that. The first year is the worst. Every anniversary/holiday really hurts. It does ease - but it takes more than a year. Even after that it can be two steps forward and one back.
Sending positive thoughts your way.
Take care - Scottie :)
What a wonderful thing that you were so close to your mother. She did good with you, you are wonderful woman. Look at all the love in you, so much that it spills out of you for everyone else.
God just wanted your mom back. I like to think that those who've passed have "graduated". You'll see her again, so will your dad. I pray for your happiness and peace...you father's too. Try, my dear, to love yourself through this. Spread the things your mother taught you, show the love she implanted in you. She can live on through you. She is living on through you.
Sweet hugs to you. rest well.
All of you amaze me at how kind you are, and I can feel all the love from each of you. God Bless all of you, you're so precious. I wish none of you had to hurt from anything.
Thanks for the hug I felt from each of you. :)
susanep :)
Susan, Just to let you know that my mom died back in 1984 and for years I would head for the phone to call and tell her something. It is hard the first years, but knowing that your mom is safe is a big help. After all these years I don't have the sorrow that I used to feel. This is not lack of feeling, but part of acceptance.
Lost my Mom in 84, Dad in 85 and it seemed that so many relatives were drying that I could hardly keep up. There is a season.........and we are comforted. Irish
Susanep,
As Scottie stated, March was not that long ago. Grieving takes time and it can be really hard on us.
I know these 'firsts" without her are difficult. My Mom has been gone almost 5 years and I remember how hard the first Mother's Day was on me. I'm sending prayers for you tonight and will continue to pray for comfort for you.
Be gentle with yourself...losing a parent is difficult. I hope it helps to know that you gave her all your love and that I personally believe our loved ones continue to watch over us.
Gentle hugs to you,
Melinda
How are you doing this week, Susanep? Just thinking of you :)
Susan, Just checking in on you also. Hope that you are getting through the days and nights with your grief. Just cry when you need to.
Does your hospital have a support group for grieving relatives??? This might help you also. Your minister might also have some words of wisdom or a good book that will give you ways to work through your grief. Also, the others are right. March wasn't all that long ago.
Grief is such a strange thing. I remember having a special album that I played during the weeks after losing each of my parents. It comforted me a lot. Now I can't stand to even listen to it. It just makes me feel yukky---not grief stricken, just yukky.
We are all different in how we deal with our grief. It takes time and it is not anything we can rush. It also wears many different hats and moods and attitudes can differ day to day. It can make a person feel like they are losing their mind, make them feel guilty, and all sort of things. Grief is something that can be hard ti recognize and hard to accept. None of the feelings that you are feeling are wrong---they are just your way of working through the loss.
When my dad passed away I had such an uneasiness that I hadn't experienced with Mom's death. I was closer to my Dad though. I told hubby that I felt likt Dad wasn't "settled in" yet---almost like he was pacing. After some days of this it finally dawned on me that Dad was settled in and it was me who was not settled in or accepting of my loss. That really hit the nail on the head for me and I got over that restless feeling I had about Dad. He was fine where he was, it was me who had some work to do on my acceptance issues.
Remember that your Mom isn't lost though, it is those of us who are left that feel lost and have experienced a loss. Many aspects to be considered. I have had some times in life when things were very heavy and I needed something to refresh my spirit. I have found that at these times I can receive this peace if I put myself in a quiet place in nature. Places like on a lake shore or looking our over the hillside.
There is something about letting the goodness of the earth and the sounds of the earth that just will fill a person up. Sort of putting ourselves in a calm spot that soothes our soul. I hope that you can get in the car, sit in your back yard, (whatever it takes) and find this peace. Blessings Irish
Last night I finally took down a bunch of small pictures I had pinned on the wall right next to me where I sit of my mom, dad, mother in law,and father in law who are also gone. My dad is the only one not gone.
I write to my mom sometimes at night. I told her I didn't take down the pictures ,because I wasn't thinking of her, but because I realized she was not coming back. I will be putting them all arranged normally in a frame.
My husband bought me this little table and lamp to sit against the wall there instead. Just a little cheap set, but exactly what I needed.
Thanks You Precious Dear Folks
susanep :)
susanep,
How very sweet of your husband to get you a little table and lamp; sounds as if it lifted your spirits a bit.
As Irish put so well, grief is an odd thing. And you know, not many of us are taught how to deal with it. Seems strange when we will all experience it sometime, unfortunately.
It's very important to remember that your grief and however you grieve is all right; there is no wrong or right way. If it helps you to write your mother, for example, then go for it. People do different things. After my mother passed, my dad would get out the tons of pictures he had from over the years and we'd talk about Mom and tell stories.
If you know the author, Max Lucado, he has some great books, and they are faith-based. Just a thought for you. I'll look to see if he has articles online.
Also, the people who work with Hospice are wonderful. You may be able to call your local one and ask to speak to someone if you'd like or feel comfortable doing that. I don't think it matters if your family had them for support or not.
Please remember that many of us here will continue to pray for you, and you can come to us at any time at all. We're like family, right? ;)
Melinda
susanep,
Just letting you know you are still in my prayers. :)
We care about you.
Melinda
Thank you all, and yesss you are my family. I am doing a bit better, but at night it will hit me when I least expect it. I know it's all a process.
We have been helping my dad a lot, and that helps me. My youngest sister and her husband is taking dad out for dinner Friday, and to some place out of town that they know he would like.
My brother as I have probably said before, not sure with my ever worsening brain fog, well, he drives a truck across country, but when he comes in he has been seeing dad. He was always I think closest to mom, so it must be really hard on him, but he seems to be drawing closer to dad.
My sister that is 4 years younger than me, is dealing with it in a different way. She is having sudden health issues like passing out in stores etc. Always being rushed to the hospital until they did heart tests on her, but the Cardiologist himself called me and told me she is ok, but just worries a lot.
One really nice thing that would make my mother happy is since she passed away all of us that at one time wouldn't have been in as close contact with some are all in contact now and closer than we ever have been knowing what mom would have wanted. It's been a blessing. So she is still doing good as a result of her death. I hope that doesn't sound bad.
susanep :)
Susan - thinking of you today. :)
I don't remember if I mentioned this to you before or not, but it might help you feel a bit better if you would either get a sweater or something that belonged to your mom, and when you are feeling particularly sad for her, you could wrap up in her sweater and feel her with you.
Another thing I did was take my mom's clothes and had them made into memory quilts. One for my dad, and one each for my brothers and one for me. That way, I have a heirloom created from moms clothes. Plus, I have several pictures of her wearing the various clothes within these quilts. It makes me happy to see these quilts. Although, I miss my mom, it reminds me of her love and the fun times we had together.
Back in a post from April you mentioned: "All the way back in high-school, I loved writing poetry, but it has always come out the best when I am going through something emotional." I wonder if you ever get out your paper and pen and try writing some poetry when you're sad? It might be good therapy for you.
I hope with time that your heart won't feel so heavy and you can find peace and joy in remembering your mom and what she means to you, your dad, and your siblings.
Sending a hug & prayers,
Bucky
Susan
I also kept my mom's wedding ring, so I wear it when I feel the need to feel her with me, plus when I need my dad cause he designed it.
Hope you are feeling better. Praying for you!
Cricket
Susan, What a terrible loss for you...My mom has been gone for 11 years now and I can say that time does help with the pain and healing..
I am sending those prayers for you and for you Dad....and also for that precious man that thought to do something special for his wife during her time of grief and need!!
The thing with my Mom, when she passed I knew that is exactly what happened!!!
SHE PASSED..WITH AN A+... An Ambassador for God she was able to leave her pain behind her and get to go on to a place that we could not imagine...
MY MOTHER, who did not finish the 8th grade and always felt inadequate because of it...accepted and completed HER ASSIGNED MISSION for GOD and SHE PASSED!!
I learned a lot about what the WILL of God Means and the Will of Me does not mean!!
I often like to think of her in heaven (Kinda like that dream vacation we all know we can't ever afford or just will never go) that is filled with flowers and waterfalls spilling over. Running and skipping....And Laughing! She throws her head back and laughs and laughs....When I see her like this, she is in her 30's or so.. Beautiful auburn hair and tinkling laughter..And they all play like little children...pain free, worry free, everyone loving each other, no wars, no crime, no mosquitos, no calories!! lol
Then sitting at the feet of God and listening to his wonderful voice..I do not believe that they are looking down on us..There are no tears or sorrow in heaven and if they did they would see our pain, instead of our joy for them..their time is spent in content and i think they look forward to the time when we get to join them, when our mission is complete..
My Dad is 85 and has been pondering for the last year...why him..why is he still here..he hurts, has health issues etc...he sleeps a lot and is often bored..has recurring,violent, scary horrible nightmares from wartimes... and I tell him we just don't know what God's mission is for him next. He scoffs and says there is no more mission for an old man like me. But then I get this illness..I can lay beside him and cry like a baby in his arms if I need to, with no worry of being anything but loved..He holds me, strong as a young man and soothes me..he tells me that he is so glad that God has giving him the reason for his mission..He can help me a little bit financially with medications and such..HE KNOWS THAT I NEED HIM TO BE HERE WITH ME....But he knows now, what he has always taught me all along. God is the only one who knows when the timing is right. He knows what we do not.
I know this is long and hope I have not offended anyone, But my mission is out there too and I just wanted you to know that we all have much love for you and are holding our arms open to hold you...much love and affection ~sass~
Keeping you in my prayers today.