Well, it's official . . . I am now treading into new territory with a 16 yr. old who just received his drivers license today. :o
I am filled with mixed emotions. On the one hand, he can drive himself to all his after school activities and run errands and Mom doesn't have to do it all the time. On the other hand . . . he can drive to all his after school activities and run errands!! YIKES!!
Of course, with this "privilege" comes rules . . . so, I'm sure he will follow the rules! ;)
As a parent, you go through many different "chapters" in your child's life - it seems like just yesterday he was learning to walk. Time goes by too quickly!
I will forever worry about him when he's out and about. I won't sleep until he's home safe and sound at night.
Dad will have to teach him how to drive in snow as he hasn't had that experience yet. That part really worries me.
I know . . . breathe . . . breathe . . . breathe. (more like hyperventilate, hyperventilate) ;)
Son . . . please be safe . . . . and call your Momma when you get there (but DON'T talk or text on your cell phone while driving!!).
Bucky
Breathe is right!
You only stop worrying when they are away at college, or moved out totally.
I mean, no one is going to say "Where was his MOTHER?"
I lived in total denial, and just went to bed and forgot about him when he was out.
I guess that doesn't work for everyone. But I knew I was powerless, and I have always needed my sleep!
I have two sons, now 41 and 47.
So far so good.
:o
When you have loved ones life is holding them hostage, and you are always on guard!
The price tag of love is vulnerability.
Hang in there Bucky. You're NOT in the driver's seat now, as if you ever were.
You've done your job, and none of us can control the universe, no matter how much we know we should be in charge!
Keep us posted.
Hugs
Elaine
Well I hope that he does not do what I did. I was a little over the top with my driving. I was comfortable driving the car on two wheels. Usually the passenger side when roads were dry. I would practice spins, and skid steering on Ice and gravel in empty parking lots (usually the High School Parking lot). They had the parallel parking test set up in the parking lot so I practiced high speed skids into the parking space. I was very ruff on my driving instructor. I also won a couple of racing trophies.
My first Auto Accident was when I was rear end because I could not get out of the way of the other driver. My second was a head on while I was sitting at a stop sign. My third was on the high way at 55 mph. I was blocked into the high speed lane by three black SUV's with out license plates. A driver drove down the exit ramp at full speed in my lane. I saw him just as The SUV in front of me and the one behind me pulled over I drove for the center ditch. The SUV behind me tapped my bumper and spun me. I was able to steer through all the traffic with out hitting any one until I hit the guard rail on the slow speed side. The police did not believe me when I told them the story. Two good Samaritans that were driving the other way on the interstate stopped and confirmed my story. They each had partial numbers on the car that was driving the wrong way but nothing on the black SUVs. I credit my survivablity to two things: 1) the practice I did as a Teen and 2) premonitions about all three acidents.
Take your son out and practice skid driving with him. It is similar to what is in the movie "Cars". It may just save his life too.
Bucky my son turns 39 in a about an hour, and it never stops. Everything with him is fine, but I think about what is going on with him as much or more than when he was a little one.
When he was little I could control most things. Not anymore.
susanep :)
One of the grandchildren just turned 16 and got her driver's license. My daughter and I took her out to dinner for her birthday and I let the grandchild drive my car.
The whole time, my daughter kept telling the granddaughter all the stupid things I did while trying to teach my daughter to drive. I was laughed at by them both! :o
I'm much more mellow in my old age and didn't freak out as much with granddaughter driving (I'm age 58) as when daughter first started to drive (at age 40).
Joe, it sounds like you are pretty good at taking care of yourself.
Bucky, trust yourself! You're a pretty great mom, and you've taught him well. He'll be just fine --- you were! :)
Bucky maybe it is unrealistic to think we will ever stop worrying! My oldest son took my 16 y old daughter to Wales last weekend to collect my other daughter from her first term away at Uni. I was soooo anxious at 3/5 of my "eggs all in one basket" and couldnt settle till they were safely home!
We will have to learn to accept it like all the other first steps they have had along the wY - just wanted to say i know how u feel and chances are as u are lying awake where u r, i may just have got to sleep over here with that key in the lock that means they are safe, for another night!!!
Joe - u must have been every mother's nightmare!!!!!
Xx Ailsa
I think I was about 14 when I started to drive farm equipment. At 15 I drove motorcycles off road hill climbing and off the cliff part of the hill to see how far I could Jump. At 16 I worked at an amusement park and zoo. I took care of the animals (Bears and Buffalo can be mean), repaired the pinball machines and go carts.
As I am sure that you can guess, some may say I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, but hopping a slow freight as it drove through town saved on shoe leather.
I sure can sympathize Bucky! Kidlet got her license at 17/18 but I refused to let her drive until she went to college (we lived in a city that had good public transportation and a reputation for lousy drivers (my insurance went up $1,200.00 as soon as she got it :o ::) - that was very painful! The insurance actually went down a lot when she took the car to college as it was a rural setting and the rates were historically lower in that area).
Hang in there and as the others said, breathe lady breathe! ;) ;D
Patze
The scariest experience of my life was watching each of my children drive off, taking their first drive by themselves after they got their licence.
I still worry about them...and they are 24, 21 & 19.
When do we stop worrying????
Aussie Mum
You never stop worrying about them!
The time I worried most was when my daughter took to a boat to row round the UK. It was in a team but they were not allowed off the boat or allowed any outside help. They were not allowed to use harbours. It took them 51 days and I still get shivers when I see the coastline on TV.
Only 2 of my 4 drive and they both did it when they were in their twenties so I didn't have the sort of panic that I would have when they were teens. I know that brains don't develop the 'danger' parts properly until in the twenties. Teenage brains really are different.
I'm sure between good teaching and good parenting your teens will be fine though.
Take care - Scottie :)
Just checking, Bucky...how are you doing with this now that the first 2 days are behind you?
Still breathing Bucky? ;) :D
Patze
Cheryl - well . . . . today was the first day he ventured out by himself. He took one of his schoolmates and went to Bass Pro. I made sure that he told Travis' mom that he was a new driver. She let Travis go. ;)
I was at work today when this happened (he had asked me last night if he could go). I was nervous all day. He called me and wanted to go to another place from Bass Pro and I told him no. Didn't want him venturing out too far on his first day.
It's been drizzling here today and I was concerned it might freeze. It was spitting snow on my way home from work.
It's going to be a long, long winter . . . . even though he has been "practicing" his driving since March - there's still a lot he doesn't know about yet (like snow, ice, sleet, fog). I wish he had had his license for a while before winter hit.
OK - here's a question for the Mom's (Joe I don't think I want to hear your opinion on this as I read what you have posted already!! ;)). With a new driver, would you have them "ask permission" to go somewhere or allow them to come and go as they please?
I am of the opinion that he should ask - hubby didn't think it is necessary. Are you serious? He JUST turned 16!! I think it's the gender difference of opinions!
Scottie - I know I was worried for your daughter during her rowing excursion, I can only imagine how YOU felt!
I guess one of the parts that really terrifies me is to think of all the "close calls" I have encountered in my years of driving. There were times where I HAD to have had a Guardian Angel watching over me. I'm sure some of you can relate. It's not so much our sons driving that I'm so concerned with, it's the other idiots out on the streets with him that concern me.
Breathe . . . . breathe . . . . . breathe.
Bucky
My driver's ed instructor used to get mad at me when I would slow down at intersections. His premise was they know they are supposed to stop,yield, whatever. Well I avoided getting into 2 what would have been bad accidents :o due to my caution. I'd rather be alive and kickin than have "She had the Green or She had the Right of Way" on my tombstone. In time, you learn to be aware of whats around you.
My dad made me feel real good when he said he wasn't worried about me driving but he was about the others on the road. Course parents continually worry about their children. Bless em everyone. Us kids know we are/were loved!! 8)
As long as the kid is a new driver and using the family car they need to ask permission. Driving is a priviledge that parents pay dearly for. I feel that when kids get to run with a car non stop they can get sloppy cause when they have other kids their attention and focus goes down.
With our 3 boys, they got their license and they also bought their own cars. They all had jobs about the time they got the license and we live in the country. I was glad to have them driving so I didn't have to take them to work. They had to pay their won car insurance also.
They were lucky cause they were able to raise sheep and sell them so that they had money to buy their own car.
Bucky, you will never stop worrying or praying. All our kids had accidents of some type. One had a weird one that could have killed him but he was lucky. Kids all get a little "crazy" when they are growing up and spreading their wings. It takes a lot of patience and fortitude and plenty of tough love.
I am of the opinion that tough love is the best present you can give a kid. It is really exhausting to do and enforce, but the kids learn a heck of a lot and are forced to be accountable. We had one kid who we made sign a contract with us. He was so mad about it cause he owed us money but he paid back every dime. We also added another little tidbit of tough love that shook up his world, but he got over it. Grew up to be a responsible citizen. Do not let the teens run you cause it will ruin their life. My humble opinion on parenting. Sure glad it is over though!!!IRish ;D
Irish - our son has bought his own vehicle, so I think that will make a difference versus just being handed a vehicle. It always seems to make a big difference if it's YOUR money that pays for it! ;)
There have been times when our son wanted to eat lunch out and I'd ask, "are you paying?" . . . then, eating at home didn't sound so bad after all! LOL ;D
There are a few car ownership issues that my hubby and I have to iron out between us. I too, had to pay my own insurance and gas when I got my drivers license and I think our son should too. Hubby . . . not so much. ::) (Probably, because his mom paid his!)
Granted, our son doesn't have a job yet . . . although the application is sitting here on the table waiting to be filled out.
I've mentioned to our son that until he gets a paying job so he can pay to fill up his vehicle with gas, that he isn't just going to hop in the vehicle and drive around just to be driving around! As we all know, gas isn't cheap! I've also told him that unless he has an after school activity, he can ride the school bus that comes right past our house and is FREE! (Of course, once you have your license - I guess this is sooooo not cool. So sad, too bad! ;))
It's interesting to compare how I was raised with how my husband was raised. In most instances we were raised the same way - in other ways, his mom babied him. This is not to be confused on my part where I worry about our son . . . that's just me being a Mom! ;D
I know about the apron strings . . and I'm definitely not ready to sever them just yet. I picture someone training a horse. They have them on a lead rope while they teach them how to do whatever the trainer is trying to teach them. Then, when the trainer feels the horse is ready - they unclip the lead rope and the horse is on it own. (I'm not comparing our son to a horse . . but, you get the idea! LOL)
In looking at my parenthood book - I've seen others who are in chapters 18, 21, Empty Nest, etc. I know that as each new chapter is started that it means this young person you have nurtured through life is sprouting their own wings and getting ready to fly on their own. Time is going by too quickly . . . I'm not ready for my little birdy to fly the nest.
Breathe . . . . Breathe . . . . Breathe.
Bucky
Bucky, I love how you're comparing raising a child to chapters in a book. It's so true that everyone has to go through certain (what my husband calls) developmental stages. Your comparison to a horse also sounds like it's right on target.
Just as you wouldn't put a full refrigerator in a kids room so he can eat all he wants, it's my humble (but most accurate!) opinion that you shouldn't give a kid a car with all the gasoline he wants. I'm just sayin'. ;)
It sounds to me as though you've raised a very smart level-headed young man. As I said before, I think you can trust in his good judgement. I found that by telling my daughter how much I trusted her when she was driving, she tended to live up to my expectations.
In the end, all we can do is cover them with our love anyway. :)
Well . . . the Chapter 16 - new drivers license, is now entering another new phase. Chapter 16 - new part-time job.
Our son has "worked" before - he detasseled corn one summer (which is hard work). A seasonal job that he decided the following year that he didn't want to repeat. LOL
There is still that cheshire grin on our sons face when he asks to drive somewhere and we give him the go ahead. ;D
With any new chapter - it may not be the ideal situation, but it's a start. He starts work tonight . . . . at 10 p.m.!! :o I know that's late - but, it's close to home - it's not snowing, and we've got to let him experience being a responsible young adult. It's only for two hours of work tonight.
There is a curfew for new drivers, but there is an allowance for work.
So, I will stay up until he gets home and have him call me when he leaves work so I know when to expect him home.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Bucky
Hi :)
I have to admit - I prefer the idea of kids with jobs to kids with driving licences but that's partly because in the UK no one is allowed a driving licence till they are 17 and I think that is going up to 18. Getting around tends to be easier here as its a small country and most places have reasonable public transport. (Not everywhere)
At least he'll be able to pay for his gas and jobs look good on resumees for the future! Neither of my boys worked at that age and both regretted it bitterly. both girlsd worked from the age of 14 and have never been stuck for work.
Take care - Scottie :) (You've done a good job - now you gotta let them fly!)
Quote from: Scottietottie on January 22, 2012, 08:11:25 AM
(You've done a good job - now you gotta let them fly!)
Thanks, Scottie! We're trying. ;) ;D
Bucky