My socializing with friends has dwindled to once or twice a year. Not that I mind, and it's a long store, but they started out as HIS friends. They're all very nice and we seem to have a good time when we're together.
But it seems as though I have trouble dealing with big groups, loud events, and uncomfortable furniture at said places. Even our next door neighbors, sweet as pie but I can only handle them for about 30 mins to an hour.
I know keeping social is healthy and good for me but if I never had to do this again, I'd be perfectly okay with that. My hubby's not like that though. Im so glad he understands though.
If we're next door, and I start getting up and walking around, even my neighbors know that I've had enough of the physical situation and haul my carcass off to the front door to go home. He'll stay over ther a couple more hours and then come home. I don't mind that either.
We always order in or pick quiet tables or make it homemade or we pick it up on our way home.
I think our physical relationship is a plus that helps in dealing with this change for him. How does everyone else deal with socializing?
I spend most days in my home with the drapes pulled now (sun issues). The TV is on so I know that there are other people in the world. Jan comes home and goes to bed. So for most of my day I am alone. I doze, read, check email, and post to this forum.
I do get out from time to time. I am on a couple of committees one meets once per month and another metes twice per month. A few times per year I go to Sci Fi conventions. Most of them have me in for massage, and Reiki. Often I end up doing a panel or two. I usually have a bakers dozen menu for the conventions to choose from.
The weekend of the 22, I am at ValleyCon. The weekend of the 29, I am at Lake Harriet Spiritual Center. One of the committees that I am on has decided to find places for me to do presentations.
We usually have a couple of pot lucks at the house July, September, November, January, and April for friends from college and other areas of our lives.
Hi :)
I used to socialise a lot but haven't now for a few years. It comes down to fatigue really.
I work term times though I'm not a teacher. I manage to get out at least one evening a week during school breaks but find it's too much when school's on.
I do go to a singing group regularly every Saturday morning and I really enjoy that.
My husband is not a particularly sociable person. If he was - we may see more people but he never did like having people round and since sjS - it became more hassle than it was worth.
Take care - Scottie :)
My husband and I were just talking about this today. ;)
My husband belongs to a local camera club and attends meetings three times a month. His hobby is photography. He would be thrilled to have a lifetime pass to all the zoo's. He's more of a bug, plant, landscape photographer than a "people" photographer. He doesn't hang out with the members of the club outside of their monthly meetings. A lot of the members are retired and have lots of money - we don't. They go on outings and stuff and it's too expensive for hubby to join in too. Besides, he's not a real "social" person anyhow. He's more of a loner.
My "hobby" is garage sales - so, there are no set days or times I have to go. 95% of the time, I go by myself (which is easier, I can go as fast or slow as I want). I can visit with strangers and then go home.
We attend church as a family on Sundays. Everybody pretty much stays in their little social "clicks" (their families . . aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, grandparents) and don't socialize during the week outside of church.
Beyond our jobs outside the home, that's pretty much the extent of our "socializing".
My husband and I have mentioned before that we wish we had one or two really good friends we could do things with. The guys could hang out and help each other with projects, etc. My husband isn't into sports, so that narrows the field down a lot in the respect of going to a game or watching a game on TV. He doesn't hunt, doesn't like camping, doesn't like hiking or riding bikes.
All my family lives 500 miles away. :( My husband has a sister who lives here, but they aren't big socializers either - we see them at church on Sunday and at holidays and that's about it. No family cookouts, no picnics, etc.
There used to be a group of four couples from church that would meet every now and then for a game night. Then the kids got older and more involved in school and sports activities and it stopped.
I work part-time, on the days I'm not at my paying job, I'm at home. I usually don't have the TV on during the day. I like the peace and quiet. I would like to have a girlfriend to do things with, but most of the ones I know work full-time and are busy with their families activities. All their weekends are spent with their families.
For the most part, I don't mind being a homebody. There are occasions, however, where it would be nice to get together with others and "socialize".
We do see other people at our sons school sport events, but nothing more than "hi".
I wish I lived closer to some of our members here - I would gladly get together with some of them. (I have met a few of them while I was on vacation out-of-state ;) )
Bucky
I find myself being a homebody since my diagnosis last November....I hate to make plans.....I used to be so spontaneous and full of life....anymore I feel like a hermit and what's bad I actually ENJOY it!
We don't have much of a social life either, but we do see our kids and near relatives regularly. Instead of a regular social life, we save our money and have as many holidays as we can. It's the only time hubby and I ever have any time to ourselves, and we really value that.
Kathyx
Quote from: Diane54 on October 15, 2011, 12:52:33 PM
I find myself being a homebody since my diagnosis last November....I hate to make plans.....I used to be so spontaneous and full of life....anymore I feel like a hermit and what's bad I actually ENJOY it!
ME TOO!! I don't answer my phone unless it's hubby and I don't answer the door unless I know I'm expecting to have to sign for something. I also try not to schedule anything on Fridays so that I can do nothing for three days. How sad is that!! :-D
I would love to be able to do what I used to before this mess hit....the staying out until midnight to one or so on a work night, and three to four or so on the weekends while still doing everything I needed to do for the kidlet during the week and on weekends (for all the single parents here, I sure feel for you!). Now a days I'm lucky if I can go to a movie and dinner after then home to much needed warm socks/jammies.
Like Nara, I don't answer the phone anymore (other than my cell phone) unless I know the person/number that shows up on the caller ID (too many people calling looking for donations....so much for the governments Do Not Call Lists ???).
Patze
I have a hard time talking with all the dry mouth issues so I get really nervous when I'm trying to chat with someone.
I don't socialize hardly at all anymore. I don't even want to, I'm so tired.
Quote from: season on October 15, 2011, 08:41:34 PM
I have a hard time talking with all the dry mouth issues so I get really nervous when I'm trying to chat with someone.
I don't socialize hardly at all anymore. I don't even want to, I'm so tired.
I hear ya! I've also noticed that I stutter more whereas I have NEVER in my life stuttered. Tripping over my own two feet more and more too. How can someone carry on a conversation with another if they can't even get the words out???
I moved to a new place just after being diagnosed and that has made socializing very tough, as I really didn't know anyone. I deliberately tried joining some groups, and found I could handle the Book Club (meets once a month and has really nice people), and I volunteer for two hours a week at the library, answering questions about how to use the computers there. These are both good because it gives me something to look forward to, and I have some nice casual relationships that are starting to build into some friendships. The library understands that I have a health problem, so they are very tolerant if I can't make it.
I also tried some other things that didn't work out - for example, a movie club that mostly met in the evenings (when I was too tired to drive), and college course which also met in the evenings.
I find my best ways to socialize are during the day, and for short periods, or at someplace where I can take a break. So lunch out, or go to a friends in the afternoon, or an afternoon movie. I miss being able to socialize - I used to work full time, and had lots of fun with people there.
Quote from: warmwaters on October 16, 2011, 08:07:24 AM
I moved to a new place just after being diagnosed and that has made socializing very tough, as I really didn't know anyone. I deliberately tried joining some groups, and found I could handle the Book Club (meets once a month and has really nice people), and I volunteer for two hours a week at the library, answering questions about how to use the computers there. These are both good because it gives me something to look forward to, and I have some nice casual relationships that are starting to build into some friendships. The library understands that I have a health problem, so they are very tolerant if I can't make it.
I also tried some other things that didn't work out - for example, a movie club that mostly met in the evenings (when I was too tired to drive), and college course which also met in the evenings.
I find my best ways to socialize are during the day, and for short periods, or at someplace where I can take a break. So lunch out, or go to a friends in the afternoon, or an afternoon movie. I miss being able to socialize - I used to work full time, and had lots of fun with people there.
Those are great ideas! That book club sounds interesting!!! I may have to try that one.
I am fortunate to live in a neighborhood of old friends (and new ones) and both of our daughters live a few blocks away. I never dreamed they would choose to live close, but it is wonderful for all of us. I meet new people when I am out walking the dog. We do much less of planned activities with friends, and I miss that.
Our "best friends" are also dealing with chronic illness, so we are comfortable calling each other spontaneously to go out for a bite to eat, etc.
Before the autoimmune issues, we were very active.
I have always been a homebody, and happy to stay in after work. Hubby is very social, and really misses our "old life". I say we are lucky to have what we have!
Unfortunately, I too am not very comfortable on socializing with family and friends (including my immediate family). However I force myself to go because the meetups are not too often and family comes first.
I often feel guilty about wanting to avoid family or friend get-togethers because its totally for selfish reasons. My teeth are really bad and I don't want people to see them. It would cost a LOT to fix them at this point. Also, the money I do have right now needs to cover an mri I just had (after insurance pays). My mri was great though - no worries there ;D.
I used to go out more and visit with friends, so basically I need to suck it up and start slowly by calling a friend for a movie. This weekend I'm going out of town to visit family.
Glad you started this, Nara. ;) I knew there would be lots of comments, since this part of our lives definitely can "take a hit."
I, like some others, have become pretty happy becoming a homebody. I enjoy getting out with family when I feel like it, but it's hard to make plans ahead of time since I never know WHAT I'll feel like from day to day.
I made one really good friend since moving to Ky 3 years ago. She and her husband and my DH get along great and we used to get together once a month or so. They moved and then moved again 2 hours away! We see them occasionally, as in twice a year, but driving to their place for dinner/cookout and back in the same day seems like an insurmountable feat. :P They come this way sometimes but hate to never go that way when they drive the same distance, but it seem almost impossible.
My husband is a social guy. He has golfing friends and guys he's involved with for football season, watching games. He always invites me, but an afternoon of his buddies drinking a beer and watching football yelling at the TV is not my idea of a good time. (therefore, I am here on Sunday afternoon) ;) Besides, I like my "quiet time". It keeps the stress down.
Sadie, I hope I've welcomed you to the forum! I know what you mean about the dental problems. I went through that until I was able to get dentures, and I understand about being a bit embarrassed. Your loved ones won't care, so glad you are going to call a friend for a movie, etc.
Hope you have a good trip visiting out of town!
Warning: I love this thread!
I may have done the nerdy thing of providing too many details. Likely, this post is the extent of my social interaction for the day. :D
One of my best friends and constant companions is NPR (National Public Radio). I contribute to our local station and love the relationship that offers intelligent conversation that I don't have to participate in.
By nature, I have always been introverted, preferring my own company much of the time, but not always. Now I have even less energy to do social stuff. I like to work in my gardens and have some fiber arts hobbies. I can spend tons of time in my studio making felt from wool, listening to audiobooks.
BTW: I think of introverts not as anti-social, but as people who "recharge their batteries" by being alone. Extroverts get energy from interacting with others.
I wonder if other Sjogies would agree. I am not sure whether I think one's intro/extro tendencies are fundamental to their nature or change over time.
I do know that I interact sociably with others at work, go home feeling tired, hate to use the phone for chatting, and do not feel a need to do social things at night.
The idea of meeting social needs by joining structured, purposeful groups, such as a book group, or committee is great because timeframes for meeting are usually clear cut and time limited. It reduces the need to decline invitations or to attend events that seemed like a good idea on a day when you felt well.
I never imagined myself doing this, because I don't usually enjoy card games. But I belong to a mahjong group that meets approximately monthly. I live 45 minutes away and haven't hosted yet, because the thought of hosting is overwhelming. I try to bring good food to the potluck that always precedes the games. On mahjong days, usually a Saturday night, I have to pace myself and save up "battery power" for the drive and the gathering. Sometimes I have had to cancel due to fatigue.
I have a few women friends, who I see every few months. And there are two couples that we (DH and I) occasionally meet for meals out. DH and I used to bike ride with one of the couples, but they have surpassed our energy levels. DH and I walk nearly every day with our dogs. We also try to take bike rides, but that depends on energy levels. DH is taciturn by nature, seldom initiating social events. I doubt that I could be married to an extrovert.
No large events in my life. But I never was a schmoozer.
Hi there,
This thread hits home with me on so many levels.
I used to be the one who was always cooking and entertaining. Good food, wine, music and friends over at least twice a month. Not to mention the additional hungry teenagers always an extra one at the dinner table.
But about eight years ago I started to get tired, and not care about all that. I just didnt have the energy anymore. I know staying at home gets is difficult for my husband and he would like me to have people over again. But I just dont have it in me anymore.