My in-laws are no longer able to deal with stairs and a pool, so they are moving. WE are doing the moving, since the new house is very near their old house, and they are 80. They have 45 years' worth of accumulated stuff . So we have the brothers and grandsons all doing it this weekend.
I am trying desperately to manage this without starting up a flare. Other than making sure I get enough sleep, does anyone have any suggestions? What do you do when you KNOW you are going to face a big physical and mental stress?
Oh, and the next good part is, we will probably move into their old house---which means selling ours, and of course moving. I'm ignoring that right now, it's too overwhelming. I'm just trying to get through the next couple of weeks.
Ideas welcome!
meow,
Xanax, xanax and more xanax! ;) I had to move my in-laws a number of years ago and I almost had a physical and nervous breakdown. It was before I was diagnosed with SJS and didn't know why I was so miserable at the time. One day of the move, my husband and mother in law sent me home to go to bed because I couldn't stop crying!!!
Just remember we are more fragile than other people. So do what you can to help, but lay back a bit and let others do most of the work. I truly think if I had Xanax back then, I would have handled it better. (Of course, I am a control freak and felt like I had to do everything for them. I wish I knew then what I know now!)
Liz D.
Be sure to tell people ahead of time that there are many things you won't be able to do, like lift heavy objects (and whatever seems sensible based on your personal restrictions). Letting people know ahead of time will help manage expectations. Think ahead about things you might be able to do: pack small items , drive, sort through documents, make lists of things, or whatever. Remember to take care of yourself.
If this is going to be emotionally stressful, as family things sometimes are, remember to pick and choose your battles.
Cousin Susie's taking an extra glass home from the cupboard? Not really a big thing. Cousin Joey wants to sort books alphabetically, and you want to sort by topic - unless it makes a difference to whatever the next step is, just let it go.
Pace yourself, bring lots of liquid, take breaks, and plan to stop earlier than you'll be done. Maybe you're the one who runs for pizza, instead of loading the truck.
Best of luck!
Can't you leave it to others to do this.....or better yet hire some handy man people to do it. If you are worried about your ability to handle it perhaps you shouldn't be doing it. Leave it to those who can!
Delegate and direct others. Remember that you have Sjs. When we moved we were on a short time line and I had to help. It took a lot out of me even with all the help. Two years later, we still have not unpacked more than just immediate needs.
Good ideas---thank you all!
There will be no truck. It is across the street, basically. The guys have assorted dolleys and hand trucks and straps, so they will do the big furniture. I will be doing (meaning dusting and relocating pictures, books, and the extensive collection (around 100) of antique rugbeaters---and the 100-piece collection of Dickens Village. I have convinced her to sell the biggest ones, numbered limited editions. I have convinced them to trash the 1978 encyclopedias, too.
I already take Welbutrin. Can I take Xanax with that? I'm wondering if my rheumy can just write an RX for a week's worth.
Hi Meow,
I was going to suggest that this may be a good time for your In-Laws to do some purging. But I know how difficult that can be for some people. I just thought it would mean less packing and unpacking for you. ;)
Get lots of rest before the move. Plan and prepare your meals ahead of time. And take lots of small breaks. I had to move my dad from his apartment a year ago so I have an idea what you are up against.
meow,
You could ask your doc for a week's worth of Xanax, but if you have never taken it before, I am afraid it will make you very sleepy and you won't even be able to help with the move. It may help with sleeping that night if your mind is racing, but the doc would know better what is best.
Liz D.
The last thing I need to be is sleepy! I was thinking of a coffee IV---do they make a caffeine patch???
My son has been going by there every day after classes, and helping run stuff across the street that will be going in the attic. He is awesome :)))))
As for the purging, my plan is to move everything they want, and offer to keep some of it in storage for them in the current attic. That way, they know it's there if they need it, but we don't have to move it. My FIL is a pack rat--saves every magazine ("They will be worth money someday") and every piece of crap gadget or cheap tool that comes along. There's so much of that, I'm positive that he has no idea what's there, and won't miss half of it. He is going to visit grandkids for a week in April, and that's when all that stuff is going to be abducted by aliens and sent to a parallel universe.
I'm already in training--extra stretches, extra sleep, extra vitamins.
Gotta love those aliens! ;D ;D I think they've been here too!
My daughter went through my garage at our old house. Several roll-off bins later she was done. I was upset that some things were gone but not that I did not have to move them. I was glad we had the extra room in our new house and garage. Then we closed Jan's mom's house and my mom died. We are now filled to the gills again.
You have enough help,, why tempt fate,,
boy, A person could write a book about this subject. After moving my dad once to an apartment, then having him die about 6 months later and having to clean out the apartment I was done in---long before I was diagnosed.
Then had to move MIL 3 times and then funeral, auction, etc. The last darn near killed me off. The stress is just terrible and I have not got a clue how to tell you to get through it. All I know is that for some reason we seem to be able to call on some inner strength to get through these times.
You just do what you can, use the crock pot a lot and keep the food simple and forget about washing clothes, etc for about a week cause you will just be pooped. This is something that every person on earth has to deal with and it is a learning experience for sure. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Doesn't matter if it is across the street or 100 miles away, it is still hard work. And, don't forget all the times you will help your kids move.
Hey Joe, We ended up with my folks leftovers and took years to get rid of it. Still have some odds and ends in the Butler bin out back and that was 25 years ago. My MIL stuff is pretty much gone now but just about killed me getting rid of it. Oh, come to think of it, I do have some stuff that I keep moving around. A person always thinks that one of the kids or grandkids will use this extra stuff. Irish ;D
Hi Meow,
I'll second the coffee patch and I don't even drink coffee. :D
Hang tough and remember to take time out to recoup a bit if you can.
Take care and stay sane -
Patze
Irish, I know what you mean. One daughter grabbed what she could the other lived too far away and took nothing. We were asked to hang on to thing for both of them. The close one complains about all the storage things we have. I want to go through things first but it has to be done with my wife's assistance. She just open her first box in two years last month because she got tired of moving it around.
I once heard a great suggestion. When you pack a box, date it, then put it away. If you come across that box later and the date is over a year, just throw the box out without looking in it. You obviously really don't need what is in there if you haven't look at it in a year. It sure helps prevent the hoarding!!!
Liz D.
Hey, they DO have a caffeine patch, called Energy Spot. I ordered 12 for 9.99, shipping included, 2-3 day delivery!
I won't get them til Monday or Tuesday, but we'll still be moving stuff next week. I'll report back on how they work.
We were informed today that we will have to help our daughter move the end of August first of September. No idea where. She is hopeful she will have an apartment by then.
Liz, For those of us who are older and have lost parents, etc., the boxes of stuff we save are usually things that we save for our older kids. I know that I had 3 of everything for several years. If my toaster died I just went to the basement and got another one out of a box.
It was good for saving money, but it was an emotional drain trying to move stuff around and sort it out. Sent things with the kids when they left for school.
Joe, see, it isn't ever over. The last son and his wife that we moved this spring was really hard on us but we wouldn't have not done it. We had to help paint and clean up the inside of the house they bought as they had just had a new baby. Life is always busy. Hope you can rest up and feel half way decent for the big occasion. Irish ;D
Well, 2 days of moving Ethan Allen furniture across the street, packing up essential bath and kitchen stuff, and closets full of clothes, a washer and dryer, trading out the refrigerators---and I live to tell the tale. Saturday was pretty grueling, but they slept in the new place Saturday night, and we began again Sunday morning.
We were all dragging Sunday, but the worst of the heavy lifting was over. Praise to the caffeine gods!
The men did the furniture and appliances, the nieces carried armsful of clothing, we had a pallet and dolly for boxes, even a wagon. I would have loved a Home Depot shopping cart for all the pantry cans.
Still not finished by a long shot. Dishes need to go to the china cabinet, all the pictures need to be transfered, The 100 Rugbeaters (sounds like a Merchant Ivory film) need to relocate, and a dozen cabinets full of yard sale and future landfill need to be cleaned out. Patio furniture, the grills (yes, plural), and then there's ... the attic.
But they have the necessities and most of the niceties, and we have til summer to get the rest done.
I followed all of your good advice, and feel great today.
When the kids moved into their current (first) house. We would take weekends of and drive the 230 miles to do work on the house. I had a friend in the area that was a contractor help. We ran phone, data and power on the main floor. We also remodeled the basement to put in a spare bed room and family room with wet bar. We dug out the foundation, put in drain tile and three new entry decks and new walks. It took us about three months to do everything. They will be lucky to get what they paid for out. They are talking about renting when they move to the cities. I think they will have one or two big U-Hauls to move. His folks are in better shape than Jan and I are and he may ask his brothers for help. They are planning on renting I do not think that is a good option but it is their decision.
Lot of financial types are advising renting for now to see what happens with the real estate market. If the kids are sure they are going to stay where they are moving to and can get a great deal, that's one thing, but they could end up buying a place, have to move again, and that house has now lost value.
It is really hard these days on the young couples. The rent is so darn high and the apartments, which are mainly condos or condo like, don't offer anything much as there is usually no yard or even a garage. Our boys all know how to fix cars and do the heavy duty repairs. There is no way a person can do this and save money unless you find a good friend with a heated pole shed and a cherry picker.
Also, like was said, renting or buy??? What is safe these days. Our youngest son and wife just bought a house and it needs work, so any money they spend they may not get back. How in the heck do you make a rational decision in irrational times??
Joe, you sound like our family. My hubby and I have gutted and redone, rewired, replumbed, re--everything out house. Then hubby moved on to help our oldest son raise up his house and put a new energy saving basement under it. Lots of other stuff.Hubby put jacks under our pole shed 4x4's and lifted it up and then proceeded to cut off the 4x4's in order to lower the building. I took pictures cause all the neighbor kids came on their motorcycles to watch. I would bet you are born and raised in the country. The other thing is that people of our generation have had to make do----so we just learned how to make do.
I thought I would die working that hard and then getting up and going to work, but you know, I wish I was healthy and could do it again. irish
I just moved a few months ago while in a bad flare (what's new-ha ha) and the stress is just the worst, also the physical toll. With the arthritis in my spine, I couldnt walk for a month after..nightmare. After most of the move, I stayed in bed for a month to de-stress and my back improved. People just dont get it how the stress is a major factor
in autoimmune activity...I now am having to help my mom move soon, which is causing me to stress as well.....need a break.
Just take alot of mental breaks..shut the bedroom door for a few hours-peace and quiet, then start up again when your able. Make sure you try and eat and drink alot
of water.
Feel your pain!!!
Gursie
Meow, How is your move going? Have you got your folks moved? Are you moving into their house? Are you too tired to respond?
Irish, When I first got fibro, I was still trying to purchase, and remodel, rental property. I sold it all and lost the last duplex over my health issues. We raided my wife's pension to purchase this house. The value has remained close to what we paid for it. The county believes it is worth twice what we paid for it. Our insurance (replacement) is for three times what we paid for the house.
Eventually real estate will turn around (after 2013). We have the third wave of foreclosures this Christmas. The banks do not have enough people to process the paper work that they have created so it may take a couple of years to get through it.
It will take a few more years for people to have enough faith to start new businesses again. The bulk of jobs are from small businesses not big corporations. Our economy will recover and the value of property will increase again because land is limited. I miss the section of the news paper that posted rental rates in various areas of the cities. They also used to post home sales figures in the area.
I still wish I/we could be a vital part of the recovery of our economy for our childrens sake.
Joe, I'm doing pretty well. No extra aches or fatigue, other than what you would normally expect from carrying stuff around all for 2 days.
Renting is so insecure. My son and his ex fiancee rented a house, paid every month, kept the receipts, and one evening here comes the sheriff with an eviction notice. Why???? My son shows him the receipts for all that rent, and it turnes out the owner didn't make the house payment. So they had 30 days to move--not enough time to find a decent place, much less gather a deposit together. They called the owner repeatedly, trying to get their deposit back, but owner wouldn't return the calls.
So they moved to an apartment, and left the furnitutre that wouldn't fit/didn't want, tossed out the trash and the food in the fridge, but didn't clean up the way you normally would. THAT got the owner to call, finally, and he wanted to charge them for leaving the stuff there. My son told him, "You hire someone to haul that away, show me a receipt that shows it cost more than the $800 deposit I gave you, and we'll talk."
All of you dealing with moving inlaws and outlaws ::) are dealing with a stress that is not understood until a person has done it themselves. For a healthy person it can be devastating not to mention what all the stress does to a person with a chronic disease.
THEN, kick in the economy that has snuck into this discussion and we all know why we are all having flares. It doesn't have to be our personal problems that drag us down as anything that happens to our family/kids/folks, etc impacts on our health big time. irish ;D
Well, the move is now at about 80% at this point. I spent 3-4 hours a day over spring break hanging pictures and moving various boxes, then unpacking them. My in-laws have been fabulous. And as soon as my MIL wants to call it a day, I do one more thing, and then we have lunch. She's 80, and I will not be more tired than an 80-year-old.
So far, so good. We are leaving the Xmas and Halloween decorations in the old attic, and will bring them over at the respective holidays, so we don't have to crawl around in the attics more than once.
Next we'll be painting/removing the maple panelling in the old den (Brady Bunch!), and removing the flowered wallpaper in the kitchen, and painting all the brown wood doors before we move in. That will make it tolerable. Then we have to get our current house ready to sell---a week of work, I'd say.
Then the real work begins, renovating that huge house from the 60s.
It is too hard to read about moving.
My heart goes out to you,meow.
I moved three times in 6 months, with knee surgery and an 1800 mile drive with two cats thrown in for good measure.
sounds like you have it all under control.
Keep us posted.
Hugs
Elaine
My youngest is planning a 230+ mile move. They are planning on selling their (3/2) house in Moorhead and moving to the Twin Cities Metroplex so she can get her Ph. D. I know that we will have to help with the move and be ready to baby sit and run errands. I hope that they move close enough to make that easy. I am not going to hold my breath.
Quote from: Carolina on March 28, 2011, 02:52:17 PM
It is too hard to read about moving.
My heart goes out to you,meow.
I moved three times in 6 months, with knee surgery and an 1800 mile drive with two cats thrown in for good measure.
That sounds HORRIBLE. The last time I moved that far was from New Jersey to El Paso, with all of our belongings stuffed into 2 cars, trying to limp our ancient cars (a Maverick and a Dodge Coronet) across the Appalachians. We had no furniture, we'd been married 6 months, and I was all of 18 years old. He was a manly man of 22. It was actually pretty fun, mostly because we were to stupid to realize how precarious this really was. They say God protects fools and children, and we were both.
I;m still trying to get wallpaper off teh bathroom walls, only been two months,, I can work about 15 minutes, my arms start to burn and i quit, frustrating and disgusted,, but the good news is I get to see a real special super duper Neuro,, IN JUNE,,
One and only - I have my fingers crossed for a positive outcome when you see your real special super duper Neuro!
Ok, here is my doozy...Been in a horrible flare for about 4 years...just sick, sick...anyways, had to file bankruptcy, give up my condo and move last winter.
My dad bought a condo that I will rent from, had to pack up my entire condo by myself bascially, My mom helped somewhat, but she was going through a difficult time herself at home and I didnt want to bother her with anything...then, just when i moved to the new condo, she told me she was leaving her hubby and then had to move in with me? are you kidding??? I didnt have any room for her and her dog, but i offered because she is my mom and I love her. We are opposites as well, im clean and she is messy??
The stress was just tooo much. My sjogrens/lupus was out of control. I was so weak and tired, couldnt walk anymore...I was having horrible migraines and mood swings thanks to my instant menopause.. Long story short...got her to move in with uncle for 2 months, then we found her a condo to buy right down the street from mine. I thought it would be nice etc, but its turning out to be a nightmare. She needs tons of constant help....I know she doesnt want to stress me out, but its just a nightmare. I just want to run away and move to get some rest......this will never end. I wish I was healthy to help out more, but we just cant. No one seems to understand that 'OUR" stress affects our body
horribly (flares) etc...they think its the same as their stress...sorry, its not! sorry to ramble.....
Gursie
Sending you tons of super soft
( H U G S ) ( H U G S ) ( H U G S ) ( H U G S ) ( H U G S ) ( H U G S ) ( H U G S ) ( H U G S )
Gursie, and I sure hope things settle down for you soon.
Take care of yourself -
Patze
WOW, what an ordeal!
We are moved into the inlaws' house. The paneling has been painted, and the rusty brown shag carpeting has been replaced with tile. We have A Tile Guy , and he offered to do it for basically 1/3 the normal price of his labor. It turned out fantastic, and he made me a mosaic in the back entry hall, and blessed the house. He's an Apache. That mosaic alone made me believe that this is going to be MY HOUSE now, not His Parents' Former House, if you get my drift.
The massive heavy window treatments all came down. Let there be light! The shantytown of crap in the yard has disappeared. The pool is fabulous, the grass is growing again, the outside trim has been painted.
The old house has been painted inside, and all bath fixtures replaced. It was on the market for only 3 weeks, and we got an offer. They will meet our list price, with a few concessions and splitting the closing costs. So we are working on those negotiations.
The last step will be to buy the house we are living in. FIL finally agreed on a price, and now is pissed because we have made it worth considerably more already, but we are all committed at this point. Hopefully no snags, and by the end of September it will all be over and done with.
That is great to hear!
Glad to hear it's coming together!
My Mother in law can no longer afford living in her house. Her husband passed 3 years ago & it's way too much work and money.
My sister in law started to help her put her house up for sale & apartment search in March. My husband was working 4 jobs & I was so sick that we told her we couldn't help at the time.
To make a long story short, my sil spent a lot of energy & time & has gotten NO WHERE!
I finally told hubby, lets get involved. Last night I looked up apartments & he took her to see a few today. She likes 2 of them & has people coming to see her house too.
We did more in 2 days then sil did in 5 months! Of course she is pissy now too because my mil seems happy.
It is stressful & we tried giving up some of the responsibilty but ended up with it anyways or mil would be homeless or with us.
I'm so glad you're situation is turning out so well!
Carie
meow,
I'm glad it's all coming together for you! Moving and fixing up a place is such hard work, but sounds as if you've lived through it all very well. Good for you. ;) Hope the sale goes through with no snags and you'll be done with that part of it.
Take care,
Melinda