i'm not in the best space today. i'm frustrated with being tired and achy, angry with how much i've been struggling to take care of my boy, and disappointed and hurt with how my husband "deals" with me being not well.
part of this stems from the usual: according to my husband, i'm always sick and i complain about it constantly. this despite the fact i only tell him that i'm in pain or tired or whatnot if he asks me. it's never nice to hear that you're a defective whiner.
part of this is new: over the past two weeks, i've been falling down. literally. my vision goes dark and when it comes back i'm on the floor, or on my way there. or the world "moves" suddenly and i find myself on my hands and knees. it happened once when i was holding my son. i managed to fall so he was on me but i don't know if i'll be able to do that every time. on top of that, i found a lump in my breast. last time i found one, it was a cyst, but this one doesn't feel the same as that one.
december is always an incredibly busy month for me, and this year is no different. i don't have time for this. i don't have time for my usual sickness, much less new ones.
i've already made some doctors appointments but in all honesty i really don't want to deal with any of this. i want to act like it isn't happening. i want to plan my son's birthday party and be productive at work and enjoy the snow flurries. instead i have to get poked and prodded, probably without getting any good answers, and my productivity is shot and my house is a mess and on and on.
so i guess i feel like i'm falling down in more ways than just literally. and i guess i needed to say it in a place where it's understood.
thanks for listening/reading.
echo
Hi Echo :)
You know what you have to do - don't you? Go and see your doctor. It doesn't matter how busy the season is - you need to find out what is causing you to fall and you certainly need the lump investigated.
I know tests suck and that waiting for results is as bad because we always jump to the worst conclusions. We seem to be programmed to. You need to find out though and you know it!
Please do go and let us all know how you get on.
Take care - Scottie :)
hi, Scottie.
i know. i made the appointments. i have to make more, too, because i've been having stomach issues for a few months now. grrr. argh.
it's funny. i'm usually a "buck up and deal" kind of girl. but damned if i don't just want to cross my arms over my chest, stomp my feet and yell, "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!" then crawl under my bed and cry.
but instead... i'll go to the doctor and use what little vacation time i have left to deal with whatever the heck is going on now.
sure wish i had some sand to stick my head in, though...
:-\
thanks,
echo
hi echo:
Falling down like that is serious stuff.
so is the lump.
And this is a very difficult time of year for everyone, cold, dark, snow, and the demands of the holidays.
As I understand it you work, have a child and a husband who could be more supportive.
Lots on your plate at the best of times.
You didn't list your 'conditions and medications' under your signature, so I'm not sure what has already been diagnosed for you.
Please feel free to rant all you want. And stomp your feet and yell, no no no no.
I'll join you.
We can curl up in the fetal position and just refuse to go one step more.
Keep us all posted.
kisses
Elaine
Hi Echo :)
I just re-read my post and realised it sounds pretty blunt and unsympathetic. I didn't mean it that way.
I'm really sorry for what you are going through right now and am not surprised that you just want it all to go away.
I think it's particularly difficult at this time of year when we all get exhorted to be joyful. Yeah right!
I'm glad you have the appointments and I hope the doc investigates quickly.
Take care - Scottie :)
Scottie: i had to laugh when i read your post. what you said was far more gentle than i am on me. so no worries. =)
Elaine: thanks for joining in the wah-wah fest. ;) i haven't put my diagnosis (or lack thereof) in my sig because i struggle with the idea of not being my diagnosis. if that makes sense. and also because i don't have a "real" diagnosis. my current label is UCTD/possible SJS. and all i take is Plaquenil. it helps with the joint pain
i'm dealing with things a little better today. still feeling all glower-y but at least able to joke about things a bit. which is more like me. and tomorrow, two doctor's appointments... and hopefully some answers, or at least the path to them... hopefully.
thanks both of you. must feed my furkids now. they're STARING at me. =)
echofuzz
Oh my Echo, I'm so sorry that you're falling (I'm so glad that your son is okay!). You mention that everything goes black, have you spoken to a neuro about this yet? If not, can you see one soon? If you can't see one soon, how about your primary?
Take care of yourself and please keep us updated, okay?
Patze
Hi Echo,
I can understand how you feel about yours falls. In the last two years I have had several bad tumbles myself, and like you, I was holding my little one (my two year old granddaughter) when one happened. That frightened me to bits!
No cause has ever been determined by the neurologist. My leg just collapses underneath me from time to time. Thanks Sjogren's!
Glad to hear you have made your appointments. Good luck, and let us know how things go.
I find that curling up in the fetal position screaming,, dam you rick springfield,,, what is Jesses girls name? they either leave you alone or the SWAT team shows up
well, no SWAT team has arrived yet, thankfully....
i saw someone about the lump and had a FNA done. it's a cyst, benign. which is good. the doctor also felt some thickening/nodules elsewhere in my breast. he thinks it's nothing, but wants me to have an ultrasound and mamogram.
i'm in the process of setting up an appointment with a neuro. should be interesting.
Could it be vertigo or menieres' disease
http://www.menieresinfo.com/symptoms.html
Read through and see if this fits..if so, mention it when you go to neuro. I have been having a lot more like balance issues or how my twin describes it...depth perception, but no falling...more like im a big clutz which used to be able to do a flip on a balance beam and coached gymnastics for years:(
Welcome to the board if I didn't say it before:-) hope you get some answers sweetheart!
Sha
hi, Sha et al.
it could be those, but from how it's happening i don't think it is. i have an appointment with a neuro tomorrow morning. hopefully he'll actually listen and be helpful. we'll see...
i haven't fallen/had a "spell" in three days, though, which is good. makes me want to cancel my appt. ;)
echo